


Transdimentional Exchange

by DearCat



Series: Transdimentional exchange [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Constipation, Everybody sucks at feelings, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Male-Female Friendship, Multiverse, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Pack Dynamics, Protectiveness, Sealing - Freeform, Unconventional Relationship, except Genma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2019-09-01 11:10:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 77,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16763977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearCat/pseuds/DearCat
Summary: Because some things just make no sense and you have to learn to simply roll with the bullshit.





	1. Mr. Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in a very long time. Or at least not to publish so if you have any constructive criticism, I'd welcome it!  
> This is a work in progress simply because I realized that if I don't start publishing even if it's not done, I'll never publish. So I went ahead and uploaded it.  
> Also, I need a beta, if anyone is willing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm looking for a beta! So if anyone would like to volunteer, please let me know! I'd be grateful!  
> Otherwise:  
> Enjoy!

The moment she leaves her bag by the door and takes off her shoes has some of the tension leaving her body. She’s had a shit day. She didn’t have a day as productive as she would have liked it to be, not for lack of trying, either. Which makes it even more surprising.

Sometimes it feels like not only is she surrounded by idiots, but they have been strategically placed to show up at the least convenient places. “Fuck it,” she murmurs to herself. She needs to unwind; she’ll sacrifice some sleep-time if that’s what it takes. She’ll survive tomorrow on a healthy dose of caffeine. Netflix awaits.

First things first, she turns on the computer and lets Spotify fill her apartment with music. Mood set. There’s a brief moment of indecision when she doesn’t know whether to go to the kitchen or the bedroom first. But she feels like having some fresh sweet bread so the choice is made. She gets the dough she left unbaked out of the fridge and into the oven.

Maybe she should allow the dough to gain some warmth but she’s not feeling it so whatever. With that done, she moves to the bedroom while putting her hair up in a bun. She loves her hair, really, but by the end of the day, it’s such a relief to pull it up. Rummaging through her drawer she picks an old ex’s shirt as a pyjama and some wool socks. What? It’s comfortable.

Clothes in hand, she goes to the bathroom. Well, her makeup survived this hell of a day; some part of her registers that she’s distantly pleased about that. The rest of her is concentrated in taking it off so she can have her well-deserved shower. The commute back home was long and uncomfortable. Too many people in the bus meant that she spent the whole travel squished between strangers, being sweated on and generally manhandled every time someone decided to move.

Taking her constricting clothes off feels wonderful. Someone should get to bottling that feeling, they’d make a fortune. By the time she’s done washing her face, there’s still some foundation on her skin and she looks like a racoon. Oh, the wonders of waterproof makeup.

She gets into the shower anyway. She stands under the spray of water, letting it pound into her too tight muscles. She can feel the remaining tension in her body going away. It’s not supposed to be hair day but she forgot to put the cap on so now it is. She takes advantage of it by giving herself a little scalp massage as she shampoos her hair, a little pampering is called for.

She sighs in contentment. Now, this is a good way to end a terrible day. This is better, she’ll let the worries and stress for tomorrow, when she’ll actually be able to do something about it. Live in the moment and all that. By the time she steps out of the shower, her mood has lifted. The bathroom feels like a sauna with all the steam. She dries her hair vigorously and puts on her pyjamas.

As she looks at herself in the mirror, she realizes there’s still some mascara on her face. Of course, there is some left. She hates this mascara; it looks awful and is impossible to get rid of. But she’s too cheap to get rid of it before it’s finished so she suffers through it. She won’t buy it again, though. She fights with it via a makeup wipe but concedes after a while. It’s not all the way done; she figures it’s the best it’s going to get, though. She throws the wipe to the trash and leaves the bathroom.

The cold air feels amazing against her heated skin. She gets back to her room and stops to stare at the mess. It’s been a busy week, she has been too tired to do much but crash in bed and it shows. There are socks, pants, shoes and some jackets all over the floor. The succulents are doing fine, thank the powers that be for those plants. They don’t need much care. Whatever. She might as well.

It takes her about 5 minutes to take care of it; admittedly, she didn’t even try to get some semblance of order on her desk or nightstands. That can stay as is; she’ll worry about it at the weekend. It still takes long enough that her hair is only slightly wet, so she goes back to the bathroom to blow dry it.

By the time she’s done, the oven beeps to tell her the time is up, so she goes back to the kitchen to take the bread out of the oven. It looks beautiful; she had had no idea how hungry she was until she could feel her mouth water simply by the scent of it. While the bread cools down, she starts to boil some water for the tea. She is feeling like lavender and chamomile today so she goes for it. Lavender is just so soothing.

She leaves the tea blend container on the kitchen counter and fishes around her fridge. She wants some finger food but there’s not been enough time for cooking lately, she’s been surviving on a daily basis of caffeine and instant ramen. She does find some strawberries and blueberries, though. So all is well.

She promises herself that she’ll cook something healthy and delicious on the weekend. Ramen is great and all but she’s tired of it after so long. She has plans on Sunday but Saturday is her let’s relax and unwind day. She’ll cook then, maybe clean up a bit and spend the rest of the day either curled up with a book or marathoning something or the other.

She goes to the living room with her bowl of berries to turn the TV on and find something to watch on Netflix while she waits for the water to boil. The control is not where it should be and she flounders for a bit because: what? It’s not like she has a defined place for it but she tends to put it on the side table and it’s not there. She swears she left it there the last weekend. Whatever, she lets it go. She leaves her bowl on the living room table and gets back to the kitchen.

She goes ahead and looks for her phone before preparing her tea. And then is back to the living room with the phone in one hand and the tea on the other. The tea goes on the side table before she picks her berries up and lets herself sink into the couch with a sigh.

“Come on, Alex. Get it together,” she tells herself while trying to find something appropriately light to watch to match the mood she is trying to set. Thank Silicon Valley for Apps. Can’t find your control? Who cares, there’s an App for that. 

She ends up falling asleep like that. Waking up is pleasant. She stretches lazily on her couch, the blanket she always has on it clinging stubbornly to her legs. Whatever. Alex reaches for her phone to check the time. It’s simple luck that she wakes up with enough time to get to her morning routine without fear of ending up late. She sits up, dragging a hand through her hair. It doesn’t seem to be all that tangled.

Maybe she didn’t move much during the night. It doesn’t really matter. She’ll worry about it later; if it turns out she actually has to brush it or something. She puts on a 10-minute timer. That’s how long she’ll give herself to laze around before getting a move on. Alex reaches for the control and catches a glimpse of her chipped polish. Maybe she should get rid of it? Hmm… Something to think about later.

She doesn’t feel like beginning an episode she’s not going to be able to finish, so she switches to YouTube. CrashCourse has uploaded a new video and she clicks on it, allowing the sound to wash over her while her mind disperses the last of the sleepy fog. She stretches once more, hiding a yawn against her hand. The host rattles on about engineering. She’ll watch again later when she’s awake enough to understand what’s going on.

The timer goes off.

A little regretful, she stands up and leaves her blanket behind. The next video plays on. In her room she picks one of her warmest hoodies, it’s a pink monstrosity, so old it rightfully belongs in the trash but so warm she cannot bring herself to get rid of it. She puts it on while she walks on to the bathroom to pick up the pitcher from the cabinet under the sink. She fills it with water and puts on another 10-minute timer. She’ll water all the plants she can on that period of time.

She shivers as she steps outside; the small balcony on her apartment is full of different plants in their pots. She goes to the basil first. The poor thing is looking all shrivelled up, she waters it generously. The tomatoes go next so that they won’t get rid of their flowers due to lack of water. She’s mostly done with the balcony by the time the beep of the timer tells her the time is up.

She rubs her hands together in an effort to warm them up even as she goes back to her room to get ready for her fitness routine. She’s not supposed to jog all that much, what with the fast metabolism and all but the stress of the last week or so means she desperately needs the good feeling it gives her in comparison to, let’s say, squats.

She picks her phone on her way out, headphones already on her neck and just waiting to be plugged on if she feels like it. She doesn’t. It’s early enough that the streets are mostly deserted and the birds make for wonderful background noise. She can feel her mind getting clearer and sharper as she runs. She’s always found it easier to think while either walking or jogging.

She takes more time running than what she was expecting. It means breakfast is in danger now. Depressingly enough, it is not an uncommon state of affairs. Which is why she’s prepared for it. She takes one of the Ziploc bags with the ingredients for her breakfast smoothies and leaves it to unfreeze somewhat on the sink, on the meantime she’ll get ready.

Quick shower, some dry shampoo, clothes and makeup and she is done. She takes a look at herself on the mirror and snorts. The black of her hair gets a bit lost on the very similar black of her shirt, the jeans are on the torn side but she’s past giving a fuck now. Which is obvious by the drama of her wing eyeliner.

She hasn’t noted that correlation until a friend told her about it. Unless she’s partying, the rule states that the more dramatic her wing, the least fucks she gives that day. Who cares? The shine of her highlight is satisfying in all its shimmery glory, she hopes the sun catches on it and it blinds someone. She’s in a combative mood and she knows it.

She gets the blender going and runs to fix the living room up just a bit, before going back into the kitchen, turning the blender off and changing the cap with the one that makes it so it’s a bottle. That way she gets to drink her breakfast smoothie through a straw on the bus with minimal risk of spilling. She loves the hell out of this thing. It’s a good time to be alive. Alex picks up her bag, double checks that she has everything she needs and runs out the door. 

* * *

Her day went better this time. College keeps overwhelming her with work but on the bright side, she's not as behind on the reading as she thought she was and a good reading schedule should take care of it easily enough. Work was a bit more complicated but still good. She had a very productive day.

Of course, it barely makes up for the bad rest of the week in terms of productivity but it still does and that's all that matters. Positive attitude. She buys herself a pack of chocolates on her way home, she deserves it.

Alex cannot help but feel relief as she unlocks the door to her apartment. She's happy and pleased but still exhausted. Maybe she should move. This whole need of a two-hour drive on the bus just to get back home is way too time-consuming and is taking a lot out of her.

She'll look into it as soon as her brain is back in working order. She leaves the bag and the shoes by the door, the keys in the little bowl. As she's pulling her hair up, she decides to go for the bedroom first this time. Some sweatpants and a loose shirt sound great right about now.

Getting back home and putting on some comfortable clothes is one of those little pleasures she looks forward to, and it's Friday as well which makes it doubly great. She takes the makeup off with a wipe and a bit of oil, as always the mascara refuses to budge. Whatever.

This time she remembers to put the cap on before the shower but she is too hungry to take her time under the water. She dresses quickly and fixes her usual bun that was coming undone. She picks up her laptop on the way to the kitchen but leaves it on the side table in the living room.

The take-out she bought is still warm so she doesn't bother heating it up, she simply plates it and moves on to the living room. Netflix on her mind and this time she's actually going to stay awake for the episode. Maybe she'll finally get to watch Daredevil, she doesn't care about the spoilers but she loves watching Marvel and all the analysis on YouTube after watching something and it isn't as fun if she hasn't seen the show or movie and has no idea if what the youtuber is saying is true.

She leaves the food on the table and as she moves to turn the TV on she catches something from the corner of her eye. Turning fully her couch to see whatever it is better causes her mind to short-circuit because: what? There's some dude passed out on her couch. She's sure she left the door locked so… How?

She turns on the light so she can actually start to try and make sense of the situation she's on. As she turns back around to look at the guy, she realizes he's shivering under her blanket which is both rude and sad. One part of her wants to bury him in blankets and the other part of her wants to rant at him about respecting other people's places. She decides on neither. Her phone is still on her hand and she unlocks it, just in case.

“Uhm… Hey, dude! Are you ok?”

He doesn't wake up.

She's at a loss. She gets closer to him, slowly. “Would you please wake up? I think you should go home.”

Still, he won’t react. She huffs under her breath. Fine, if the dude won’t wake up, she can host him for the evening. He looks miserable and he probably will suffer a terrible hangover tomorrow. A big part of her brain is telling her this is a terrible idea but she doesn’t listen to it, she’s curious and he looks like he needs a break. She won’t be sharing her food, though.

She looks at him and sighs. Dude needs some blankets, urgently. He’s making her cold only by watching him shiver. She returns to her room and picks the thickest blanket out of her closet. It’s large and knitted with thick light-grey wool and her favourite for cold nights in. After a moment of deliberation, she picks a smaller, thinner one for herself and puts on the pink hoodie. Back on the living room, the stranger is still shivering away on her couch.

With a sigh, she drops her blanket on the floor between the couch and the table before throwing the thicker blanket on top of him. With a roll of her brown eyes, she sits cross-legged on the floor and drapes her own blanket around her shoulders.

Daredevil is out of the question, then. She's not going to be watching it at a low volume to avoid waking her unwanted guest. Fine then. She'll marathon it as a reward for finishing homework tomorrow. It's cool, if slightly frustrating. She ends up putting some random series on and ignoring it in favour of her phone. Instagram and Pinterest consume her time for about an hour before she admits defeat.

Her eyes close without permission and she forces herself to stay awake and stretch. Right. Off to bed then. After another stretch and a big yawn, she stands up and turns the TV off in one fluid movement. She turns to look at the stranger and is surprised to find he has moved without her noticing.

He doesn't look like he was drunk and passed out as she had assumed, he looks sick. It makes her feel a bit guilty for some reason. The blanket she covered him with lays on his hips and is now covering only his legs, her couch blanket has been pushed between him and the back of the couch. She hums quietly, now worried.

There's some sweat making the smaller hairs of his crazy spiky hair-do stick to his forehead and his mouth is open and panting underneath his mask. That little detail has her confused for a second before she decides to ignore it. There's also a metal plate sown into blue cloth covering his left eye and he's wearing this militaristic green vest covered with pockets. That can't be comfortable. She debates for a second before letting it go. None of her business.

The good thing is that he seems to be getting better. She'll get him some medicine in the morning. Alex pulls the edge of the blanket up to his chin and makes sure he's well tucked in before going to the kitchen and filling a bottle with water. Back in the living room, she puzzles about how to put it at arms reach for him for a bit and ends up moving the side-table to accommodate.

With one last look at him, she goes straight to bed. She's too exhausted to bother. She does lock her door, just in case. She knows that the ship for good, rational safety choices has long sailed but still… it doesn't hurt anything.

* * *

She wakes up well rested and the weird achy feeling on her back lets her know she slept on top of her braid again. Alex turns a little in her bed, making herself more comfortable. The clock tells her it's 9 a.m. and she has every intention of lazing around in bed an hour more when her foggy brain reminds her that there's a sick stranger on her couch who might need medication.

A sigh and a couple minutes of denial later and she's out of bed and putting her hoodie on. Her braid is a mess but that's fine, she re-does it quickly so that her hair won't get in her way and fills her pitcher with water so she can start her morning routine.

On the way back inside, she decides to forego working out today. She hasn't skipped a day the entire week and Mr Stranger might feel better if he doesn't have to wait for medicine an extra hour. Speaking of Mr Stranger…

She rubs at her eyes with one hand, trying to wake herself up and out of zombie mode, while walking towards her couch to check on her uninvited guest. She ends up starting at his eye for a full minute before her brain finally understands that the guy is awake. Huh. Awkward.

She hums a bit under her breath and reaches for him, he snaps a hand out of the blanket to grab her wrist. She stares at it uncomprehending for a little while before frowning and trying to pull her hand back but his grip on her wrist doesn't loosen. Rude. Alex puts her pitcher on top of the side-table and frowns at him before flicking his hand with her now freed fingers.

”Behave,” she tells him. ”I'm trying to check your fever.”

His expression is a mixture of scandalized and incredulous but she ignores him as she reaches for him again. He doesn't let go of her wrist but neither does he stop her for moving it anymore which results in his own hand going along with her movements.

She moves the metal plate out of the way and leaves it on the side table. His hand has yet to release her wrist. His fever is better but still, there, she decides, humming. She'll still get the medicine, just in case. His forehead is sweaty. She thinks that that can't be comfortable. This time when she steps back, he lets her go. She returns with a damp towel and ignores his eye on her as she wipes the visible part of his face.

She wonders if she should take off his vest but that feels dangerously like undressing a stranger without consent so she lets it go. She leaves the damp towel on the side-table and drags her hands over her face. “Fuck it,” she murmurs to herself. She needs to pick up some groceries if she plans on having breakfast, anyway. She’ll buy him something for the fever and maybe something for the pain, too. He’s likely to have a headache.

She doesn’t feel like a human being so she puts on some sweatpants, a shirt and a light-grey hoodie to hide the fact that she hadn’t bothered with a bra. She’s too lazy for it right now. She checks that her wallet has everything she needs and nods to herself.

“Right. Shopping list.” Alex is trying valiantly to wrestle her thoughts into some kind of order.

She grabs her little agenda and a pen from the desk and marches herself to the fridge to figure out what she needs to buy for the week. Which turns out to be pretty much everything, she realizes. What a mess. She feels like having some ceviche, what with the nice sunny weather and all. Mr Stranger, however, is sick and she doesn’t think that ceviche is a good idea in that context and she’s not about to cook two dishes. Chicken soup it is, then. Ceviche can wait another week.

As soon as she’s done with her shopping list, she stands up with every intention of leaving but her gaze catches Mr Stranger looking at her over the back of the couch. Right. He probably has been sweating on her favourite blanket all night, she thinks with a grimace. She should change it. With a resigned sigh, she stands up.

“Why do I do this to myself?” She questions out loud without really expecting an answer.

Not that she gets one, anyway.

She picks up the blanket she had used yesterday from the floor beside the couch where she left it and leaves it on the arm of the couch. As she takes the knitted blanket away, he makes a slight protesting sound that she answers with a quiet shushing sound she’s been using on her younger cousins for years now. She lets that blanket fall to the floor for the moment before she busies herself with tucking him in with the new blanket.

Which is, of course, when she notices that he has his shoes on. How rude. She makes an annoyed sound on the back of her throat that has him taking his gaze away from her hands to her face. She sighs and takes his shoes off, leaving them beside the blanket, and finishes tucking him in. She makes sure he’s comfortable and warm before checking his fever again with the back of her hand. Still there.

Fine, the medicine is a go, then. She picks the old blanket up and goes to leave it on the laundry basket, it’s laundry day so she’ll take care of it later. A round around the apartment later and she’s sure everything is closed and as orderly as it's going to get in such a short amount of time.

Alex goes back to him before leaving, still functioning on autopilot. “I’ll be back with some medicine and food, ok? Rest now.” She informs him as she hands him the TV control and pets his hair a bit.

He’s still looking at her like he’s not sure what is going on. Which: fair.

She’s not sure either but she’s never been able to turn away people who need help and look pathetically terrible. Terrible decision or not. So she rolls her brown eyes at him and tugs slightly one of his strands to get his eyes on her again instead of on her hands. Once she’s got his eye on her face, she smiles at him before finally making her way out to brave the market.


	2. Reluctant introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They actually talk now! :)
> 
> Also: Friendly reminder that I still need a beta if anyone is willing!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Kakashi wakes in an unfamiliar place, years of training force him into pretending he's still asleep. He concentrates in trying to figure out his own state first, he can figure out where he is and how to get out after that. Experience tells him that what he's feeling is chakra exhaustion, he feels like sighing in exasperation. The good news is that other than the symptoms of chakra exhaustion, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with him. Nothing new, anyway.

As soon as he's sure of that, he tries to figure out where he is. His sense of smell tells him that there's someone who is constantly around wherever it is that he is right now and that he's alone. He feels a spike of worry and fear before he wrestles it back down. Where's his team? He needs to find out, he won't be leaving them behind and he very much doubts that they left him, as well.

He cautiously opens his eyes and they confirm what his nose has already told him, he's alone in a room. It seems to be a living space; as foreign as it is, there are enough similarities in the place for him to be reasonably certain of that deduction. As he looks around he realises that he's in an apartment that has to be owned by a civilian, by the lack of trapping at least.

He's thinking about standing up and making an escape when the door to what he now learns it's the bedroom opens. A young woman steps out of the room wearing a hideous pink hoodie and holding a pitcher full of water in one of her hands. He blinks at her and prepares himself for some kind of reaction when she simply ignores him and goes on ahead to the glass doors leading to the balcony.

What?... He decides it's not the time to question his luck and tries to stand up but the sharp pain in his chest stops him. Right. Broken ribs, he should probably take care of that. By the time he's managed to sit up with his back supported by the arm of the couch, the young woman is back. She's got lightly tanned skin, dark brown eyes that for some reason look like honey under the right light and black long hair braided down her back.

She's a civilian, of that he has no doubt anymore. It's obvious by the amount of noise she makes as she drags her feet along the floor in obvious tiredness. She's tiny too, he thinks amusedly. Maybe a couple centimetres above a meter and a half.

She comes straight to him and Kakashi doesn't even try to stop the reflex that has him capturing her wrist as she reaches for him. He feels the amusement bubble inside him as he notices her staring blankly at his hand. He doesn't let go when she tries to pull her hand back, by now curious about her reaction. What a strange little civilian.

Of course, it doesn't hurt to know that even injured as he is, this little civilian is hardly a threat. She frowns at him in a mixture of confusion and affront and he almost laughs. What will she do now? She leaves the pitcher on the side-table beside him. Is she going to try to force his hand away? She's not going to manage it but he won't stop her from trying.

She flicks his hand and he blinks at her in surprise.

"Behave,” she reprimands him. "I'm trying to check your fever.”

Kakashi can't help the expression that crosses his face. In all his life, he has never encountered a civilian who would scold him like that. Not one who he doesn't know well enough or isn't a client, anyway. Most civilians, even in a hidden village, are too wary of ninjas to act so casually with them.

When she reaches for him again, he doesn't stop her even if he doesn't release her either. She seems to be okay with that at least because she doesn't complain. A part of him rebels when she takes off his forehead protector even as he allows it to happen. His hand follows hers as she leaves it beside the pitcher on the side-table.

She actually does check his fever, he thinks, halfway between exasperated and amused. A little fever has never stopped him before. This time when she pulls back, Kakashi lets her go. He wonders if she's used to finding random strangers on her couch or if she's just going along with it because she's still asleep enough that she hasn't processed things yet.

Kakashi has always been too curious for his own good and he's not above taking advantage of the situation when possible. He needs about a week before he's in any condition to do anything. The woman comes back with a damp towel and proceeds to wipe his face with it. She's mothering him which is equal parts exasperating and awkward. It has been a long time since he's had anyone to do it for him.

Kakashi looks at her as she sits down by the table and decides to wait until she's awake enough to be rational. He really wants to know if finding strangers on her couch is common for her.

Her eyes lock with his as she stands up but she speaks before he gets to ask his question. ”Why do I do this to myself?”

He would like to know the same. Still, he watches in silence as she comes back to him.

He doesn't stop his protest as she takes the blanket away. He might find the mothering awkward but he will take the advantages and he liked being warm, thank you. She shushes at him before she begins to tuck him in with a new blanket, of course, she does. This woman has no common sense or survival instinct, for that matter. He doesn't drop his eye from her hands, though. Years of learned paranoia won't let him.

The woman makes an annoyed sound and he turns to look at her face. She's frowning at his feet. Why? She takes his shoes off. So she will find it in herself to get annoyed at him for putting his shoes on her couch but not for randomly crashing on it?

Her priorities are all mixed up, he thinks. He believes she's done mothering him when she finishes tucking him in but she checks her fever once more. He's not sure what is happening anymore, maybe he cast an illusion on her? After all, he's not sure how he ended up in her couch, to begin with.

If that is the case, it’s not a good idea for him to question her motives. It might dispel what subtle compulsion he placed in the hypothetical illusion and he doesn’t feel the need to risk it. He watches her go around her morning, marginally sure that he won't be getting his answer anytime soon. How long is it going to take for her to wake up? He's not sure this is normal civilian behaviour. He guards them, sometimes he assassinates them. But for the most part, that is the most interaction he has with them.

And she's coming back to him. If she checks his fever again, he will rebel. She doesn't.

”I’ll be back with some medicine and food, ok? Rest now.” She lets him know as she hands him what seems to be the TV remote. Except that her TV is far bigger and flatter than any other he has seen before and the remote has too many buttons. Why does it need that many buttons?

He’s distracted of his inspection of the remote by a hand on his hair and his mind short-circuits. What? Minato used to do that but when he did it was more to annoy a smaller Kakashi or maybe tease him a little bit. This feels more like petting and he’s not sure what to do with it. So he focuses his eye anywhere but her. A tug on his hair has he looking back at her under protest and she smiles at him before turning to leave.  
  
He stares at her until she goes out the door.

  
He decides to stay, uncomfortable he may be but having someone nurse him back to health in an unfamiliar place is useful. Of course, she’s been gone for about an hour when boredom finally gets the better of him. He knows he’s a terrible patient but sometimes he thinks that people forget what genius actually means. They stuff him in a white sterile room with nothing to do and expect him to stay put. His mind means that other people’s version of doing nothing is impossible to him.

His Icha Icha seems to have been lost at some point during the fight that landed him here, so that avenue is closed but she did give him the strange control and left the weird TV on for him. He latches onto that distraction. Who knows? It might be useful. A couple of minutes of playing around with it and Kakashi is satisfied that he can use the thing and starts investigating just what he can do with the strange TV.

He’s been playing around with the different options and is just about to open something called YouTube when his ears tell him she’s about to open the door. She comes back with her bun all askew but she smiles at him as soon as she catches sight of him. So she’s just going to roll with it? Is this whole thing normal to her? She makes no sense.

”Did you find anything interesting in YouTube?" She asks him as she goes to the kitchen. He assumes that she’ll be leaving the groceries there. She doesn’t come back, though and after a little while his nose tells him she’s cooking.

She comes back to the living room after a little while. The text under the picture asks him: Who is Kate Bishop? He doesn’t know either, should he investigate?

“Do you feel well enough for scrambled eggs or should I make you some chicken soup?” She asks him.

When he doesn’t answer she rolls her eyes at him.

“Alexandra Fernández. You can call me Alex, Mr Stranger.” She waits for him to introduce himself in return so he doesn’t, he likes being contrary. The reaction of other people is always so amusing.

She just sighs and comes closer. She checks his fever again and his irritation with it must show on his face because the newly dubbed Alex laughs at him. “You have only yourself to blame,” she taunts him. “You could have answered. Scrambled eggs it is. Don’t go all grumpy on me.” Alex saunters back to the kitchen with laughter in her voice and now he does feel a little petulant.

He’s almost given up on this whole YouTube thing by the time she shows up back in the living room with two plates of food in hand.

“Nothing interesting, huh?” She murmurs to herself and Kakashi doesn’t bother to answer. “Give the control here, would you? I’ll pick something.”

He gives her the control as she goes to sit down on the floor. She clicks on one of the pictures displayed on the screen and a video starts to play out. So every little picture on the screen was a video? How many videos are there? And, how much information can he gain using this YouTube thing?

He’s barely done thinking about the possibilities when he notices she has minimized the video. Alex seems to be almost done with her food and as she glances back at him she makes a face. “You need to eat, you know? You won’t get better if you don’t.”

He eyes-smiles at her and answers: “I don’t like fried things.” Kakashi is holding up the fried flattened yellow thing next to his eggs for her to see. He wonders about her reaction. Kakashi knows most people would find this insulting and get annoyed but this woman is anything but normal.

Alex makes an obviously fake scandalized expression and answers. “You don’t like patacones? For shame, Mr Stranger. How dare you?” She takes the patacón from him, though, and eats it as he deadpans at her. Alex rolls her eyes at him. “You said you didn’t want it! What do you like with your eggs, then?”

Kakashi turns to protect the rest of his food from her and informs her in fake sternness. “Why, toast and bacon of course.”

She deadpans at him right back and Kakashi holds the judging stare with a blank one of his own. “How healthy," Alex tells him but she’s standing up before he can answer. “Fine. But you’ll be getting some berries with it so I can pretend I made you a healthy breakfast”

Kakashi considers that and decides it's fair. He’s not worried about poison, his nose can pick most of it up and even if it was odourless enough, he has now discovered she likes to steal food. He’ll have her steal a bit of everything before trying it.

He’s watching something about a woman called Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez by the time Alex comes back. On her hands is a plate with bacon and toast and a small bowl Kakashi assumes contains the promised berries. It does.

“Politics, huh?" She asks him but she doesn’t seem to be expecting an answer and he doesn’t volunteer one. He’s still trying to figure out what the reason behind the interview is and what did she run for, anyway.

What does any of that to do with her new political position? It makes no sense to him. The interview it's almost over when he finally figures it out. This people vote on who would represent them in this thing called “Congress” and so he now would like to know how much power does this “Congress” have.

Do they get to vote on other political figures or only on their representatives of the “Congress”. How odd. He’s not sure where he is and it’s not as if the entirety of the Elemental Nations are mapped out but having missed an entire civilization, especially one as advanced at this, sits ill with him.

Is this the only one? Are there more? Are this hypothetical undiscovered civilizations a threat? How much of a threat are they? Is it possible to have them as allies? How useful an ally can they be? There are too many questions and too little answers.

She moves to steal one of the berries for him and he allows it. Kakashi waits for a couple of minutes to see if there’s anything wrong with her before he starts eating from the bowl while discreetly moving the rest of his food closer to her.

He repeats the process until she’s tried a bit of everything, she doesn’t seem to notice. Too concentrated on watching the videos. Kakashi doesn’t complain but he doesn’t pay attention to the videos either. He’s too tired to force his brain into trying to figure out another country’s political structure. He will do it later.

”So, got anywhere to go, Mr Stranger? Because I don’t really mind housing you but I’m sure someone is already looking for you.” The woman tells him. He blinks at her but she’s not looking at him, her gaze firmly locked on the people dancing on the TV screen.

“No,” he answers, deadpan.

She startles and turns to look at him. “No?”

There’s a question in her words and Kakashi knows he can use the slight spark of compassion creeping into her features. “There’s no one.”

There’s something sad on her eyes as she looks at him. “Nowhere to go?” She asks, waiting for confirmation to what she already seems to suspect.

Kakashi allows it and nods. It’s not entirely a lie, he has nowhere to go in this strange country. Not until he finds his team anyway.

She sighs and he redirects his attention to her. “Fine,” she tells him, conflict on her face. “You can stay here until you get better, Mr Stranger. But no longer than that.”

Kakashi knows it’s bullshit even as she says it. As long as he behaves in such a way that she finds him to be nice but in a bad situation, she won’t throw him out. He can read it in her behaviour even if she doesn’t know it about herself or pretends otherwise.

He simply nods in return and she smiles at him. Kakashi closes his eyes and tries to rest even if he knows he won’t be able to fall asleep with someone he doesn’t know being so close to him.

He only opens his eyes as she stands up to pick up the plates. He doesn’t protest as she mothers him once more and when instead of getting back to him, she goes to where he assumes it’s her bedroom, he finally tells her. “Kakashi Hatake.”

Alex startles and turns to look at him. “What?”

Her question bothers him a little and he sighs in annoyance. “My name. It’s Kakashi Hatake.”

She smiles at him, dark hair catching the light through the window. “Well then, Kakashi. I hope you get better soon.”


	3. Past misadventures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

It turns out Mr Stranger's name is Kakashi Hatake and the poor dude has been laid on her couch for about a week. He has no more fever, which is good, but he seems to be in pain every time he so much as tries to move. Alex doesn't know what's wrong, though. Kakashi won't let her figure it out and it worries her. There's something wrong with her unintended guest.

She can see the frustration brimming along the surface of his skin, no matter how much he likes to pretend his snarky comments hide it. There's a certain urgency in him too and Alex can't tell whether Kakashi is tired of being trapped in her apartment or if there's something he needs to get done.

A part of her wants to open the door and let him go. Another part of her is already too invested to do that. So she pretends she doesn't see and keeps on. Alex won't stop him if he leaves on his own but she won't throw him out either. She has to stop thinking about it as much. It's starting to become a reliable source of stress. She doesn't need any more of those.

She's a student and although she's lucky enough to have her family as a support system, Alex doesn't really want to ask for any more money. She still has student loans to pay for and although having Mr Stranger on her place is not entirely all that expensive, what with him never doing anything other than trying to rest and eating, it still has doubled her necessary budget for food.

She comes back home tired but not exhausted. Even if still somewhat stressed. Maybe she's finally getting used to this new routine. That's a good thing, she'll concentrate on that. Positive thinking. Alex still thinks it'd be better to move somewhere closer to her work. Whether that'd be possible remains to be seen.

Maybe living on her own wasn't all that smart. It seemed like a good idea when she found the place. It isn't overly expensive and she did miss her privacy. She leaves her stuff by the door and takes off her shoes. She's home earlier than usual so she might as well use the time to take care of some of the items in her eternally growing to-do list.

Mr Stranger is not on the couch, which is not all that strange. He has been moving more and more as time goes on. Alex doesn't know if that is a sign of improvement or not. The man seems stubborn enough to be moving around on pure force of will, which although admirable is not necessarily good for his health.

She goes to her room so she can change into something more comfortable. It doesn't take long. There's still no sign of Mr Stranger. She finds him reading one of her comic-books on the small balcony. The image is slightly hilarious. Kakashi is taller than her for about 30 cm and the balcony is on the small side for her. The balcony also happens to be full of her plants so really, he looks squished between the greenery.

"Hulk vs. Wolverine?" Alex asks him as she takes on the cover of the comics laying beside him.

"Hmm. Where's volume 2?"

She smiles at him. Maybe she'll finally get someone to talk about comics with her that isn't on the you-only-pretend-to-read-comics-because-you're-a-girl camp. Or the nicer I'll-listen-to-you-but-I've-no-idea-what-you're-saying camp.

Alex smiles at him. "Don't have it. Sorry. It was sold out. I'll try to pick it up for you if I find it on the store."

He mumbles a thank you and she rolls her eyes at him but still goes to pick something to read herself. It's a nice day, he has the right idea of it.

He startles when she gets comfortable with her head on his leg but she pretends not to notice and doesn't move. First, because there's really not enough space for the two of them without some overlapping and second, she's actually a very touchy-feely person. It's part of who she is.

"Why does Wolverine hate Hulk so much, anyway?" Kakashi asks.

"Didn't you read the first one?" She questions instead of answering.

"No. I didn't find it. I thought you only had them from the third volume."

She goes to pick it up, Alex's sure she has it in her bag, actually. A friend of hers wanted to use some of the panels as inspiration for a drawing.

"I still don't understand why?" He says, out of the blue.

Alex turns so she's facing him. "What is it that you don't understand?"

Kakashi looks at her from over the comic. "Why does Wolverine hate Hulk so much?"

Alex blinks at him. "Well, dude did rip him in half, you know? It can't be pleasant."

"Well, no. But Wolverine is pretty much immortal from what I understand. It can't be the first time."

Alex startles in surprise. "Well, no. I'm pretty sure it's not the worst thing to happen to him either."

They look at each other in silence for a while before shrugging.

"Wolverine is known for looking for fights," she explains to him. Kakashi hums and ignores her. She huffs at him. This close she can feel the amusement radiating from him so she only rolls her eyes and returns to her own reading.

They spend the rest of the day reading together in silence until it becomes too chilly to stay outside.

"Let's watch something," she says to him before going to the kitchen. Popcorn is a must if they're going to be binge-watching anything. He opens Netflix in silent agreement. She comes back into the living room with a bowl full of popcorn and two glasses of water and hands them to him.

Kakashi hands her the control in exchange. Alex settles on the floor, close to where he's holding the bowl on top of his chest for easy reach. "Let's watch Sabrina. I've been hearing good reviews of it. It might be good."

When he just makes an agreeing noise in response, she clicks on it.

"That's creepy," she comments as they watch the first few minutes.

"Hmm… I want to know what happens next." That's his only answer. Kakashi's gaze is firmly locked on the screen.

"Yes. Let's binge-watch it," Alex answers.

"Don't you have college tomorrow?"

She shrugs at him in return.

"I'll laugh at you in the morning," he informs her, deadpan.

"Cruel, Kakashi. How could you?" She tells him in a fake hurt tone.

He laughs at her. "Easily. Now quiet. I'm watching."

She rolls her eyes at him with a smile.

"Is she crying?" He asks her after a while.

Alex nods before she notices there's no way Kakashi saw her do that. "I think so. She's not going to go through with it, is she?" In her opinion, that high priest is being way too pushy. It's going to be a mess.

"No," Kakashi answers her, a fist full of popcorn.

"Oh, shit"

He shushes at her. Rude.

"Alex, what are you doing?" He questions her. A little incredulous.

"Getting comfortable," she explains to him, in a tone that suggests she thinks him an idiot for having to ask in the first place.

"But I'm on the couch," he informs her as she could forget it.

He's been the sole owner of the couch for about a week and she misses her own couch, damn it. "Well, duh Kakashi. But I'm uncomfortable on the floor and this couch is meant for three."

He says nothing to that but still sends her a dirty look when she wiggles her cold feet between his thighs and the couch. She pretends not to see. She's nice like that.

"She's an idiot," Alex tells him.

Kakashi nods in stupefied agreement. There's some silence while the keep on watching.

"I don't think I like her," she informs him, while they wait for the few seconds it takes for the next episode to start.

"Me neither," he states to her.

"So… Apparently, using hell's fire makes your hair silver. Good to know." Her voice is casual. Kakashi only hums at her but she can feel the smile trying to tug the corners of her mouth upwards. "Is that what happened to you or are you just old?"

He throws his pillow at her and she laughs even as it hits her face.

Alex ends up falling asleep like that, head on the arm of the couch and her feet still trapped between him on the couch. The bastard doesn't wake her up either, even when he can obviously tell she's going to be late. She leaves through the door with her unbrushed hair put in a crooked ponytail and all her makeup in a bag so she can do it on the train.

* * *

She comes back home feeling like she had a wonderfully productive day. By the end of her work, she had to continuously find new things to work on as not to waste her time. Alex is so damn pleased with herself, thank you. She's bought herself a new lipstick in reward.

"I'm back!" She exclaims with her voice raised even as she leaves her backpack next to her shoes.

Her guest is once more not on the couch which is alright. It's been over two weeks since he arrived and by now she can tell he hates being forced into stillness. Oh, he can be as still as a statue. But he hates to be forced into it. Alex has decided that Kakashi is a grown ass man and if he thinks it ok to go walking around, pain or no pain, then that's his choice. So she just changes and throws herself on her couch with her tablet to read. She's going to relax, thank you very much.

Except she can't seem to concentrate. Her mind just wanders on the most ridiculous things. She sighs. Whatever. Alex sucks at meditation so she's not about to try when her mind is so obviously predisposed to wandering. There goes her self-care project of the day. She goes to check on her plants on the balcony. That's relaxing as well and it might just settle her mind.

As soon as she steps into her balcony, though, she finds herself on the edge of a heart attack. There's Kakashi, crouched on the rail and looking down. Her mind goes blank for a second, a big question mark the that creeps into it but then she's moving. She has him sized by the arm and is already pulling him closer to her by the time he's asking her what she's doing and it explodes the dam inside her.

"What the hell are you doing?! You bastard! You're not jumping out of my balcony! Are you suicidal?! Fuck it! I'm calling a suicide hotline!" She's trying to force him into the couch and he's trying to take her cell from her without injuring her which she uses to her full advantage because she knows well enough that he's stronger than her and more than likely better trained.

She's sure that Kakashi is saying something but she's in no state to listen. Alex is distantly aware that she's smack in the middle of a panic attack and that is really the last thing this situation needs. She needs to be rational and yet she's incapable of even breathing right. Her heart is beating so fast, it hurts. Kakashi has somehow managed to flatten her to the couch and she's drowning, she can't breathe. She needs to go.

"Alex!" He's not really screaming.

She can feel the tears running down her cheeks. It's been so long since this has happened to her and for some reason, she can't remember how to deal with it. Kakashi is still trying to get her attention but she just needs to go. So she pushes at him but he won't move which only makes it worse.

"Get off! Get off!" Alex thinks she might be screaming but it doesn't matter because Kakashi does. And then she's scrambling to her room.

She's tearing through her room a moment later, she's aware of Kakashi a few steps behind her and it makes her more frantic. It makes her feel trapped. She needs to go. She ends up taking her keys and whatever random things were around them and then she's pushing Kakashi out of the way and running to the door. She needs to go. She just needs to go, she can't stay.

She stops somewhere and is not really sure how she came to be here in the first place. She doesn't care. She needs to go. She just needs to go. She still can't breathe. Alex starts looking for her phone because she needs but she can't find it and she covers her face with her hands and cries. It's already dark out. She starts to run again.

Next thing she knows, she's in Sarah's couch, hands pulling on the ends of an oversized sweater she has no memory of pulling on herself. A wet patch on her leg that burns and she's just exhausted.

Sarah has her face cradled in her hands and the concern in it makes Alex cry. "Oh, honey. Are you back with me?"

Alex nods even as she curls tighter into herself. Because she feels raw and vulnerable and Alex is not sure whether she should cover her weak spots or cry for help.

Except she doesn't get to decide because Sarah's sighing and pulling on her until she stands. "Come on, Alex. Let's get you on the shower. It'll make you feel better."

Alex doesn't want to move but she can't find it in herself to say a thing so she allows herself to be moved every which way and shivers under the warm spray even as she feels the hands on her hair. 

* * *

Alex wakes up covered in blankets and feeling so broken up inside and so damn tired that she refuses to move. She hides further on her warm cocoon and tries her best to stop the tears trying to fall from her eyes.

A part of her is so damn angry at herself because she's been better damn it. This was meant to be in the past. And even if it happened, she should have been able to handle it. She should have done better. Rationally, she knows it's a shitty thought, this is not her fault. She has nothing to hate on herself for. She does anyway.

She still feels too raw, too vulnerable. And she hates that too. Alex pinches herself on the stomach, trying to distract herself from her own thoughts. It hurts but it doesn't work. It never does. And then she can feel Sarah's hands on her shoulder even as she refuses to move, she listens.

"I called your boss for you, honey. So no need to worry about it"

Alex really hadn't. But she should have and another wave of self-anger curses through her.

"I left you some food at the table but I have to go, love. Call me if you need anything."

Alex nods but doesn't speak and she can hear Sarah sigh. It's a mess. This is all a mess and she hates the whole thing. There's a kiss on her covered forehead and a little while later the door closes. She's not going to move. Except…

Except she really can't spend the whole day under the blankets ignoring the world. Not when every time she fails in her attempts to keep her mind occupied, all she can see is the image of Kakashi standing on top of her balcony rail looking down intermingled with the images of her own sister, covered in her own vomit and oh god, I think she's not breathing.

This is not healthy, she knows. So she forces herself to stand and eat, even when it's the last thing she wants to do and decides that she'll make herself useful because she really can't stop or her mind will go back to those thoughts she really doesn't want to dwell on. Alex only has the clothes Sarah dressed her on, her apartment's keys, a mint, and some change. Right. No idea where her phone is, her wallet or anything else. With some luck, it's all still there.

Alex marches herself to the hospital, completely aware that she looks like an abuse victim or something. What with the bruises she doesn't remember getting, the redness in her eyes, pathetic body language and Sarah's bear-slippers. It takes her about an hour because she doesn't have enough money to use the bus and because people won't stop asking her if she needs help.

She ends up relenting when a concerned old lady insists on driving her to the hospital and she's angry with herself when she can't help but cry on the stranger's shoulder when the lady hugs her and wishes her luck after leaving her on the capable hands of a nurse. It takes forever to convince the nurse that no, she doesn't need a physical and no, she doesn't need to call the police. What she needs is to talk to Dr Müller. Please.

It takes a little manoeuvering because she has no ID on her, no nothing, but the nurse somehow makes it happen and now Alex's making herself as small as she can on her old psychologist couch instead of on Sarah's roommate's bed. She vaguely wonders where the guy but she doesn't linger on it.

Dr Müller is looking at her, perfectly comfortable to wait for her to actually start talking about her feelings and she hates this part. Hates it with passion even as she knows it's necessary because she has never been good at talking about her own feelings. Has always been rather good at avoiding them, actually. But she's learned her lesson, she really has. So Alex closes her eyes, rubs at her face with her hands so hard it hurts and starts to talk.

It takes a lot of crying and a while of listening but she's feeling better by the end of it. Still raw, still incredibly vulnerable but no longer like a strong wind might end up breaking the last of her. She leaves the hospital with enough money borrowed to take the bus home, a recommendation to buy her old teas to help her sleep and a lot of pamphlets on information about suicide, vet mental health and some numbers she can start calling so she can get Kakashi the help he needs to get better.

She has a plan now and even if she's reluctant to get back home, to have the confrontation she really doesn't want, she goes. Better to get it over now than to wait and wait and have it over her head longer than necessary. Alex ignores the worried, pitying looks people give her as she goes, answers all the well-meaning questions with a small non-believable smile and forges on.

She doesn't allow herself to linger on the door even as she feels the urge to curl into herself again. She doesn't allow herself to do that either. She's not sure if it works but she won't let bad body-language drive her right back to square one. Oh, she knows it's going to be a while yet before she's alright again. There are nightmare's and bad days in her future but there's no need to help them along.

Kakashi and her stare at each other in silence. His eye roams her body, she knows she looks like hell and makes no move to cover it. She doesn't have it in herself to care about it at the moment. She thinks he might look worried but she's not sure, his face is still three-quarters covered, after all. She sighs and forces herself to lower her hands from where they have been clutching the pamphlets in front of her chest like a shield.

"Right," she says to herself. But starts speaking louder when she sees him trying to say something. "No. No. Hear me first, ok?" There's an almost desperate tone on her voice now but she forces herself to go on. There's a plan now, all she needs to do is follow the plan. That's all. She hands him the pamphlets. "Look, you're gonna get better, ok? It's going to get better. So there's no need for.." She says, vaguely gesturing for her balcony, not quite able to bring herself to say it out loud.

Alex opens and closes her fists in an effort to keep the rest of her still. She continues. "We'll get you help, ok? So you'll be fine. I think you're a vet so I'm sure your insurance covers the places on this," she explains as she points at one of the pamphlets on his hands. "And if it doesn't, it doesn't matter. Ok? I don't think mine will cover you but I'll get another job. We'll make it work, ok? It's going to be fine." She's not sure if she's trying to convince him or herself but it doesn't matter at this point because step one of the plan is complete. So it's fine for now, it's better.

She sniffles and damns it, she's trying not to cry. She's supposed to be the support right now and she's no good at it but she swears she'll get better. She rubs at her eyes with her hands and bows her head because a part of her is angry at him and it really doesn't want him to see her cry. Because how dare the bastard? How can he be selfish enough to stay over a month in her place, eat her food, spend time with her, let her get attached and then try to throw himself off her balcony?

She allows herself to be pulled next to him on the couch and hides her face against his chest when he side-hugs her, hand fisting his shirt.

"Alex," Kakashi says and she refuses to move even as he pulls at her. He sighs and a part of her wants to hit him because this is all his fault. The rest of her feels like a terrible person for thinking that. "Alex… Alex, I wasn't trying to… I… I'm not suicidal."

Right. She doesn't believe him. She really doesn't but that's ok. Sometimes people just don't know they need help even when they do. So instead of fighting him on it, she nestles herself closer. "Promise me you'll see someone anyway. Promise me, Kakashi."

There's a stretch of silence but she won't relent on this so she shakes him a little after a while and Kakashi sighs again. "Ok. I promise."

And that actually helps. Even if it shouldn't.


	4. Commitment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be longer than I though. I'm already writing chapter 13!  
> Also, in case that there's anyone out there, would you guys like it better if I were to upload the chapter every monday instead of every friday?  
> Enjoy!

Alex wakes him up early the next morning and marches him all the way from the apartment to the mall because she can’t keep him on suicide watch but she’s going to be doing the next best thing, dammit. So she ignores all his whined complaints and any other attempts at swaying her. Her little cousins are better at it and still, they rarely manage.

She hadn’t realized, really, that she cares quite as much as she does until Kakashi had been about to throw himself from her balcony and now that she knows she won’t lose him. He’s her friend and somewhere along the line, he had evolved from Mr Stranger to Kakashi who is almost always home when she gets back from work.

Kakashi who is a sarcastic little shit and obnoxious as hell when he wants to be. Kakashi who has as dark humour as hers, who eats with his mask on somehow and reads everything and anything she has. Kakashi who hates her tendency of running commentary on every show they watch and isn’t really as picky an eater as he pretends to be, but he does it anyway because he loves annoying the shit out of people.

And now he’s hers.

Hers like her parents and her sisters, hers like Sarah and Martin. And she’ll see him over this stupid suicidal thing if it’s the last thing she does. So she won’t lose him no matter how much she dreads to go through the damn roller coaster again. She will if she has to.

He’s still complaining about being forced outside but she ignores him as she drags him to the store. For all his complaining he seems highly entertained by everyone’s reactions. Which fair. They probably look like a comedy show. A hobbit dragging around a giant. Damn him and his tallness.

Alex buys him some clothes first because she knows he just has two of everything he wears. Kakashi washes it often and she had thought nothing of it but now she knows he's depressed so maybe he hasn't thought himself worth it.

She buys him a phone after that and a plan to go with it. She's going to text him all day and if he doesn't answer, she'll call. WhatsApp will be her best friend. That way she'll know he's not doing anything stupid when she's not there to check on him.

Alex ignores that she really can't afford it. She doesn't really need all her monthly expenses anyway and she can cut some other costs. She'll live from salads from her own little garden for a while. That's fine. It's fine.

The budget will survive. Somehow.

Alex spends the rest of the day explaining to him how to operate his new phone and plotting ways of getting him out of the house because she knows depression and spending the entire day alone in her apartment is not going to do him any favours. But she doesn't want to force him into situations he doesn't want to be a part of either.

Maybe she'll take him with her for walks every now and then. She knows how curious he can be, maybe she can organize outings to museums and things like that. It’s been so long since she’s done it and she used to love it as well.

* * *

Kakashi watches Alex from the corner of his eyes and ignores the show they're both only pretending to pay attention to. Kakashi has been a soldier for most of his life and so, he hardly knows how to be anything else unless for undercover missions.

That means that he knows what a panic attack looks like and has an idea of how to deal with both his own and those of his comrades. He’s had his fair share, no one gets to fight in a war as young as he was and leave it in perfect mental health. He has not, however, been expecting them from a civilian. Kakashi also can't help the guilt on his chest as he looks at the bruises on Alex's body.

He knows, of course, that most of them are there as a result of her own flailing around but some, like the hand marks on her shoulders, are there because Kakashi had reacted like he needed to restrain a fellow ninja and not a small civilian. And a part of him is terrified to realize how fragile she seems to be on his hands.

He has followed her all the way to her friend’s place and stayed around until he had been sure that the other woman knew what she was doing. Alex had not been responding to any of his attempts to help her out of her panicked state and seeing as how he seemed to be causing more harm than good, he had let her go. He still made sure nothing happened to her until she was in better hands, though.

Kakashi knows, rationally, that this is good for him. It means she cares for him and so not only can he continue using this apartment as a base while he spends days looking for the members of his team but he can expect other forms of comfort as well. He’s attached, that much is true, but he also is a ninja and has been undercover enough to know how to cut ties when it comes down to it.

He’s also aware that he doesn’t want to because unlike all those other times, he’s not playing some other persona. He’s not the smith’s son or an unremarkable merchant. He’s Kakashi Hatake who ended up in a stranger’s couch and was welcomed anyway. And he had seen. There is no way to unsee it.

Kakashi has seen the honest concern and desperation once she returned, has realized that even as unwell as she herself was, she had been thinking on how to help him. He had noted the determination and possessiveness in her eyes this morning. It had surprised him into complying with her demands of getting him out from under the warm blankets.

It had been so long since he had someone who actually pictured him as part of “home”. And Kakashi finds himself reluctant to let it go. He’s not alone, not really. But comrades or not, the fact remains that his own classmates have always treated him differently. When they were graduating, Kakashi already had years of experience as a ninja.

When they were making chunin, Kakashi was either one leg in on a jounin promotion or already there. Kakashi has been in ANBU longer than most. And all of this means that there’s a healthy amount of either awe or jealousy among most of those his age.

Even if those things were missing, there still was the concept that Kakashi either didn’t need any help or if he did, they would be unable to provide it. He was, after all, one of the most powerful ninjas in the village. A living legend, in a way. Kakashi of the Sharingan. So having someone who looked at him, at the same Kakashi he presents to everyone else, and have that someone be all caring was novel.

A growing part of Kakashi likes it. He had liked the warm food and the constant attempts to make him more comfortable, the touches that made him tense up were also nice. Most contact Kakashi has is with his dogs or in a fight. People forget, they always do, that the Hatake part of his name means something.

The Inuzuka are obvious in their connection to their canine side, but the Hatake has all those instincts as well. Except wilder, more feral. The Hatake Clan used to be always thought of in connection to wolves for a reason. Those touches had soothed some of his tightly reined in instincts. The lingering smell of her on him and the lingering smell of him on her. Like pack.

Where the Inuzuka are bonded with dogs and are wild because of it, the Hatake Clan has always been more feral. Predators free on the forest to the Inuzuka’s easily collared nature. Dogs are wolves long tamed, after all. And most are afraid of it so Kakashi has kept it quiet, never letting it show. Alex, however, takes the bits and pieces of the instinct that Kakashi lets show and accepts it. Never complaining about it for real.

So when Kakashi had crossed paths with the same ninja that landed him and his team in this situation, he had been wary but not overly concerned. Most don’t have noses as powerful as his. He doubted the other man would be up for a fight, anyway.

Whatever this place was, something about the place made it so that chakra worked fine but it took far longer to recover it and so wasting it, for either of them, was not worth it. But when the man started taunting him with Alex and Kakashi had decided it was time to leave the apartment behind. Better miss what she could have been but have her alive than have it a little longer and have it ripped from him due to his own selfishness.

On his return, Kakashi had felt Alex coming to the balcony and he had thought to tell her he was going to leave, he had not expected her to be under the impression that he was trying to throw himself off of it. Which, in hindsight, was something he should have thought about. After all, he has seen no one on this whole city use chakra the way ninjas do and a jump like that without chakra is not a good idea.

She probably didn’t realize that Kakashi could make that jump and survive it unscathed.

The ensuing panic attack had caught him flat-footed as a result. As had the desperate talk the next day. The heartfelt “promise me”. All of that had meant that although Kakashi had known, as he followed her to the mall and back, that they were being followed as they went, had known what it had meant, he had selfishly not even tried to change a thing.

He had not really regretted it either and maybe it made him a bad person but that was ok in his book. She had claimed they’d face things together and so it will be. She said together and Kakashi had thought “alright, mine now”. His. It meant pack and pack meant a bunch of other things, and she’ll learn. Kakashi is willing to teach.

Kakashi knows he’s close to finding his team, he has an idea of how to return home as well. He also knows that Alex doesn’t believe him when he says that he hadn’t meant to kill himself. Which means she’ll be extra mothering and he’ll make an effort to be around every time she is due back. He’s alright with that. He can be patient on both fronts. She’ll believe it sooner or later.

It also seems to mean that she’ll be extra touchy-feely. If today was any indication. She had been all hugs, slight touches and kisses on the forehead. Kakashi had felt strangely embarrassed with it all but he had endured. He knows it’s her way of telling someone she thinks is depressed that he’s cared for at the same time she reminds herself that Kakashi is not lost just yet.

Even now, she’s nestled at his side, head on his shoulder, one hand fisting the back of his shirt and the other curled on her own lap. Clingy. Kakashi doesn’t mind. He’s come to his own decision as well. They’re both warm under a blanket when they finally decide to acknowledge that neither of them is watching the Netflix documentary.

“I have no idea what is going on,” she tells him.

“Me neither.”

There’s some silence and then: “We suck”.

* * *

  
It’s the weekend once more and Alex has decided on a small little place close to the river for her first place of operation “Get Kakashi Out of the Apartment”. No abbreviation because she sucks at naming things but she’s really good at planning so that’s ok. Not today, though. Today she’s going to arrive to her place and maybe play Dota. Or just join Kakashi on his binge-watching on whatever it is he is watching now.

It’s starting to get windy. Summer is finally at an end and she shivers a bit as she makes her way to her apartment’s door. She's clinging stubbornly to her good mood. Alex leaves her stuff by the door and makes sure to find Kakashi first. He turns out to be rummaging through her fridge and she nods to herself before going to change to something warmer and more comfortable. She joins him on the kitchen after that.

He's sitting by the counter, eating a warmed up sandwich. Alex kisses the top of his head as a hello and he hums in response. She starts the process of making herself some hot cocoa and doesn't even bother offering Kakashi some. The misguided bastard doesn't like sweets. She pities him. Alex drags herself to the couch and buries herself under his tower of blankets. Kakashi joins her a little later.

“News or Netflix?” Kakashi asks her.

She thinks about it for a second and then answers. “Netflix.” News needs attention and she doesn't feel like giving it. She’s more into the company and the warmth. Alex is about to fall asleep with her head on the couch arm and her feet under his thigh when he talks again.

“Alex, is everything alright?”

Damn it. So close.

She sits up, hands automatically going to pull up her hair into a bun. They stare at each other for a little while. Alex sighs because he's not going to let this go and she doesn't feel like fighting him on it. “It's fine, Kakashi. I just had a fight with Sarah.”

Kakashi blinks at her but she just puts the comedy show back on. Trevor Noah is on the screen talking about his vacation on Bali.

Kakashi pauses it again.

Alex sighs.

“Sarah?” Oh. Right. Kakashi hasn't met her.

“Yup. Sarah, my girlfriend.”

Kakashi blinks at her again.

Alex rolls her eyes.

“Why?” He asks. Nosy bastard.

“I showed up at her place in the middle of a panic attack and then left without even bothering to try and tell her I was doing ok.”

There's some silence after that. Alex doesn't put the show back on anyway. She knows that it's not over.

“I'm sorry.”- Kakashi says. He looks remorseful too.

Alex looks at him for a while before bending forward to kiss his shoulder. “It's not your fault. Me being an ass to my girlfriend is on me, ok?” Alex settles back down and waits. Sometimes Kakashi needs some time to figure out what he wants to say.

“I caused the panic attack,” he ends up saying.

Alex takes a little while to figure out how to better say what she wants to tell him. “You did. And trying to throw yourself from my balcony wasn't the most…” She licks her lips while she searches for the right words. “...considerate thing you could have done.” She pauses for a second, her gaze locked on her mug on the table.

“It needs to be considered, though, that you were not on the right state of mind. And Kakashi, I'll take the panic attack a thousand times over... not knowing,” Alex pauses again, unsure on how to continue. “Now I understand there's this for us to deal with and you promised to see someone. I'm happy with that for now. We'll deal with this together, Kakashi.” She sighs heavily but remains still otherwise.

“I could have handled things better on my end as well. And I am sorry if I worried you. I have…” She hums as she thinks on how to phrase this and reaches for his hand. “Suicide is a trigger for me, Kakashi. There's no way you could have known that and so we were both caught flat-footed. And that's ok, we dealt with it.”

Kakashi squeezes her hand and she gives him a smile that he catches with the corner of his eyes.

“A trigger?” Kakashi asks of her and it's a little too far. Still, she has never denied him on his curiosity before and she is not planning on starting now.

She makes sure to keep her tone open and soft. “My sister,” she answers him and when she realizes Kakashi needs more, she continues. “She… didn't succeed any of her… attempts." Her voice turns quieter for the next part. “Some of them just left a mark.”

Alex knows he wants to ask more but he doesn't. Instead, he gives the impression of having curled in on himself without moving an inch and she doesn't know how to make this better. She sucks at comforting words. So she pulls his hands to her lips and kisses his knuckles.

Kakashi turns to look at her. “My father,” he lets her know and after a little while: “He succeeded.”

She inhales sharply at that. A part of her wants to know, she asks nothing. Kakashi will tell her if and when he's ready and she'll respect that. Instead, she pulls him to her until his head lays on her stomach, their still joined hands over his chest. Her own head back on the arm of the couch.

She has never been good at comforting words and emotional conversations but she's always been great at touches. So Alex holds him tight to her and pets his hair with her free hand, trying to project care to him as she best knows how.

She doesn’t put the show back on but the light of the TV still illuminates them both. There’s a tension headache building itself on her temple but she ignores that because, for all that the topics were heavy, she still loves moments like this. Sarah is her girlfriend and Alex loves her, Martin has been her best friend since she was sixteen and still so unsure of herself and Alex will always treasure him.

But Kakashi, Kakashi understands her in a way that makes no sense, what with how different their lives are. He gives her peace in a way not even her little garden can and so he has become something of a refuge. Alex can forget all about the world and its shittiness and recharge for another day with him next to her. They fit.

“You don’t smell like you have a girlfriend,” Kakashi informs her and Alex blinks at him in surprise.

“I don’t?” She asks him and Kakashi nods at her in response. She pulls gently on his hair in admonishment because he damn well knows she meant for him to elaborate.

“You don’t smell of anybody else,” he replies and she feels wonderment fill her a little bit. He must have a really good nose to be able to tell that.

Alex hums at him. “Well, I don’t have to have sex constantly to have a girlfriend, you know?” To her amusement Kakashi actually blushes at that, his weird metal plate is on the table which means more of his face is on display for her to see.

“Ah…” He answers but he continues before she can tease him for it. “No, I could smell that too but it’s not what I meant.” That’s good to know, actually. If only so she won’t be embarrassed to find out about it in the future.

“What did you mean, then?” She questions, hand stilling in her curiosity.

“When you’re around someone constantly and you’re close enough to touch them, some of their smell lingers on you,” Kakashi explains and Alex understands what he’s trying to say.

“Her smell doesn’t linger on me?” Kakashi doesn’t bother to answer, she already knows. She understands what he’s asking too. “We’ve been having problems, you know? But it doesn’t matter anymore. We’ll either manage to make it work or we won’t.”

“You smell like tears,” Kakashi informs her and she resists the urge to touch her cheeks and smell her own fingers afterwards.

“I’m sorry. Does it bother you?” She questions him as Kakashi turns around and pulls her more securely under him before throwing himself back down.

Alex feels the air forcefully leave her lungs but she only moves until she’s more comfortable and stays where she is. She still laughs, delighted by the easy way he moves her around. Kakashi has been strangely touchy-feely and far more open in his desire for answers since the whole balcony fiasco and her own touchy-feely nature responds to it. It helps that she feels weirdly safe where she is.

Yes. She knows she's been clingy too. She'll deny everything if asked.

“I don’t like it,” he answers finally, voice muffled by his refusal to move his head from her neck. One of her hands is petting his hair and the other holds onto his side. It feels strangely intimate if not at all sexual when she realizes this is probably inappropriate and could be seen as more than it is. She doesn't care. They’re both happy where they are.

“It’ll be fine,” Alex tells him, voice soft. She raises it a bit as she continues. “So… Documentary or suspense show?”

“Documentary,” Kakashi answers even as she’s already clicking in it.

“Oh no! Kakashi! I never saw that coming! How surprising!” She exclaims with all fake dramatic surprise.

He answers without missing a beat. “I know. It’s almost like it’s a habit.”

She stills. “Damn it, Kakashi. I’ve got nothing. You’re supposed to play along”

He chuckles at her, even as she laughs. She’ll get him back.


	5. Tracking and surveillance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi has a talk with his dogs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Kakashi has been looking for his team for a while now. He’s close too, he’s sure of it. Now at the very least, he has a general idea of places where he can find them. His pack has been able to smell them, the only problem is that those trails are old enough to be unusable for tracking.

The trails mean that they have been around so it helps with reducing the search area. It’s something. They still tell him that he’s getting closer. They’re a good team and Kakashi is proud of them. They had gotten rid of almost every trace that gave away their presence. Like Kakashi has thought them and it makes something relax in his chest.

As useful to have those paths might have been for Kakashi, their decision to not risk it is a good one. There’s no guarantee that the target can’t track them using the same methods after all. Kakashi is very good at what he does but he’s not arrogant enough to believe that his skill set can’t be replicated or rivalled. It’s better that his team has made an effort to combat it.

It’s still taking longer than Kakashi would like. Kakashi has to admit he’s not even close to happy about it. He has to fight to control his mounting frustration almost every time he realizes the new trail turns out to be a dead end. It’s taking too long. And it’s going to take longer still.

There are, of course, other factors to be considered. Alex is still convinced that Kakashi was trying to kill himself and Kakashi is not sure of how to fix that. Being unable to fix that means in turn that Kakashi has to make space in his plans for some concessions in order to calm her fears and maybe in the future assure her that Kakashi is not about to off himself any time in the near future. Not willingly.

There is, however, no real way to explain things to her. This place, untouched by the Elemental Nations as it is, seems to have no knowledge of chakra as they know it. Kakashi has found information about chakra online and although it has some similarities, they don’t think of chakra the same way. All of this puts Kakashi in a hard place.

Kakashi has come to realize that to them chakra’s more about balance than anything else and although it is important, the fact remains that they have no idea on how to tap the power source that chakra can be above the most elemental notions. No real knowledge of how to manipulate it in any other way than meditation. Even less in how to use it as ninjas do and Kakashi is not sure he would be allowed to explain that. He’s actually quite sure of the contrary.

He hardly believes that the Hokage would be pleased with giving that information away, especially when it was not necessary. It would mean giving away a military advantage that could be vital. Alex being a civilian makes little to no difference. It might even make it worse. Her being worried about Kakashi and his mental health is not an explanation that the Hokage and the council will accept. Nor should they.

Kakashi is attached but he’s still a ninja. He knows how to be professional. And without the explanation about chakra there’s not much Kakashi can tell her to calm her down, what is he supposed to say?: “I would have survived that fall, easily enough. Trust me.” Something tells him Alex would not be amused by that. Not by a long shot and Kakashi would rather avoid the possible fight.

It does, however, mean that Kakashi’s tracking is not as effective as it can be. When before he came back in time for dinner and left early in the morning, now he waits for Alex to leave and still comes back for dinner. It reduces the amount of time that he spends actively looking for his team. Which is not ideal but Kakashi has taken to summoning his dogs to compensate.

It’s not ideal, what with how strangely slow chakra reserves replenish in this place but it’s the best Kakashi can do. It’s not like he’s unused to fighting while taking care of his chakra usage, which would be the worst case scenario. The reduced tracking time is not the only problem, though. There’s also the cellphone thing, Alex had given it to him with a stern warning of “you better answer”. So he does, even if he feels a little ridiculous talking to a little square.

It’s not that the cellphone on his own is a bad thing, it’s actually really useful. The application that shows him the map has been particularly helpful in gaining information on where he is and trying to locate good places where his team might be hidden away. As well as good places to investigate later in order to find their missing target. There’s also the fact that now he can access quite a lot of information very much everywhere.

The problem comes more from the reason why Alex gave him the phone in the first place. She texts him constantly and although it’s not surprising to realize that she runs commentary on everything instead of only on the shows they watch, it’s still somewhat inconvenient. It’s a good thing that Kakashi has practice with the whole reading and running thing and since he has his pack with him, it’s not like he’s alone. His dogs will warn him if he’s about to get ambushed.

It’s the answering that is a problem. The Swype can be ignored, he’s not forced to use it. It’s the autocorrect that is a problem. Trying to write something back is a mess and a half and he has temporarily given up on it. His own name keeps changing to Malachi for some reason and Kakashi is done with it. So voice notes it is. Except going around recording voice notes to send back is not exactly stealthy.

Maybe he can start answering in pictures or something. His dogs keep giving him funny looks over the whole thing and Kakashi knows it’s only a matter of time until one of them says something about it. And as soon as one of them does, the rest will follow. Kakashi doesn’t really feel like answering all of their questions and listening to their demands. And there will be demands, Kakashi doesn’t delude himself into thinking otherwise.

There has been too much time since the last time Kakashi has allowed someone’s smell on him for longer than strictly necessary for there not to be questions and demands. Kakashi is aware that his dogs have a right to those things and he doesn’t begrudge them that, it’s just that he has never like those kinds of conversations, to begin with. They make him uncomfortable. Feelings are just not his thing. It’s not like he actually knows how to explain the whole situation, to begin with.

It takes a couple of hours but in the end, he tracks his team’s trail all the way to some sort of facility in the outskirts of the city. Kakashi stops before actually reaching it, he makes sure he’s well hidden in the trees as his dogs spread out, trying to find where his team’s trail leaves the facility or if they made their way inside. It looks no different than the labs of other corporations, not even the location is suspicious.

Kakashi has come to understand that most of these kinds of facilities are built and maintained away from the populated areas. When he had asked why Alex had told him something about regulations and contamination danger. Kakashi understands he does, it’s just that he finds dangerous how these facilities are away from the city centre and easily infiltrated. From a warfare standpoint, it’s downright stupid.

Although, if Alex’s notes on history are to be believed, this country has not seen a war in its own soil for a while now. So maybe they don’t see the point. It’s not really Kakashi’s problem at the moment anyway. If they’re lucky, no one will be the wiser about their position in their land. He still makes note of all of these observations and of the possible reasons, both out of habit and because the information might still be useful at some point down the road.

It doesn’t take long for his dogs to return to him and the way Pakkun shakes his head is enough of an answer. Kakashi can feel the rush of frustration but he squashes it as best he can. Tracking like this, with so little information, takes time. It’s a matter of patience, knowledge and persistence. Kakashi knows this, he’s a good tracker. The best in the hunter division of ANBU. He knows what he’s doing. It’s still frustrating.

Well, his team is no longer here and the trail might have gotten cold enough to be useless but the team still had thought this site to be of interest for one reason or another. Kakashi might as well take a look at it. A preliminary patrol around the site tells him that infiltrating is out of the question. It’s not that it’s impossible, it’s more that there is not enough information for Kakashi to feel comfortable infiltrating when it’s not strictly necessary.

He knows enough about this place they landed on to know that although they have no ninjas, no real knowledge of the use of chakra, they still wage war and have militaries. Which means that they would have their own ways of spying and surveillance. Ways Kakashi vaguely knows about but hasn’t been able to really learn about. Kakashi has tried, of course.

He had been investigating about it online one morning and as Alex passed by, she caught a glimpse of what he was doing. Kakashi had thought nothing of it, she never really cares what he investigates about. But that time Alex had stopped, looked at the information displayed on the screen and then at him. She hadn’t criticized him for it, all she had said was: “You should be careful about that, Kakashi.”

When Kakashi had asked why she had told him that she very much doubted that the government wouldn’t have people dedicated to knowing if someone somewhere in the country was looking at information like that. Kakashi had to admit that it made sense. It would be foolish for the government to know that there’s this tool that allows everyone accesses to all kinds of information and not monitor it.

Some information is not in the best interest of the government to allow it spreading around. It wouldn’t stand anywhere in Konoha or the Elemental Nations. Although this place has different forms of government with control far more distributed than the Hidden Village’s Kages. Still, Kakashi should have realized that. No matter, he would be able to find the information necessary. At the moment the priority is finding his team.

Kakashi sighs, he just needs to remind himself that it’s all a matter of time. His team is good, they can take care of themselves. Thinking otherwise is frankly insulting, even so, he would still like to finally find them. Kakashi surveys the scene for the last time before turning back. He has gained all the information he’s going to get out of some hours of surveillance. If his team thinks it necessary to gain more information about the site, they will have to organize some sort of plan later, after Kakashi has found them.

For the moment, though, Kakashi is going to let it go. He would like to continue tracking his team but the trail has gone cold so it’s back to try and find possible locations where they could be hiding. There’s nothing more that can be done here. He’s going to be late for dinner as it is, maybe he should bring something back? He’s not sure about how things are supposed to go.

Alex almost always cooks and when Kakashi asked if she’d like him to take turns with her, she told him that she actually enjoys cooking. Kakashi has taken over cooking something for breakfast, though. For some reason, she’s almost always late so there’s not enough time left for her to eat well in the morning. It’s actually surprising, she wakes up almost three hours before she needs to leave and still, she’s late.

It’s actually somewhat baffling. Of course, it has a lot to do with the fact that she crams quite a lot of things to be done during her morning routine. Kakashi has actually suggested that she cut something out but the glare she sends his way is more than enough answer. So Kakashi cooks breakfast, packs something for her to snack on on the bus and takes care of watering the plants if she deems there’s not enough time for that.

Alex assures him that the breakfast smoothies are more than enough but Kakashi is not really sure of that so he has taken to packing her fruits and other snacks to eat on the train in her way to college. Even if they’re enough, Kakashi is sure that they leave her hungry. He has seen Alex eat, for such a tiny person, Alex eats her weight in food. It’s very amusing to watch.

So Kakashi helps out with that in the mornings and makes sure she eats something at night. Alex, for someone who is always hungry, has the disconcerting habit of forgetting to eat if she gets too concentrated on what she’s doing. When Kakashi asked her about how is it possible for her to forget something so simple, she told him that her mind is so focused on what she’s doing that she forgets about everything else.

She only remembers that she hasn’t eaten a thing when she comes out of “the zone” and her head hurts. So Kakashi makes sure she has something for breakfast and eats well at night even if she only wants to sleep. It’s all more than a little domestic and Kakashi enjoys it even as it disconcerts him. He’s not sure he’s doing things the right way but Alex only rolls her eyes at him every time and tells him to stop overthinking.

Kakashi texts her a picture of the forest as an answer to her latest text, to try and figure out if she’ll be ok with that. Her answer makes him want to facepalm. Really, Kakashi suspects it’s the sleep deprivation. She has been sleeping for around two hours every night. Kakashi says nothing about it but he’s going to make sure that she stays in bed long enough to have 8 hours of sleep at the very minimum as soon as the weekend comes around.

He gets distracted from his fumbling attempt at writing a reply before he can answer by the clearing of a throat. Kakashi raises his gaze to find himself surrounded by all of his dogs and Kakashi feels like sighing. Hadn’t he just been thinking about how ambush was imminent? He shouldn’t have forgotten. But he had and now he’s in this situation.

Pakkun, as always, is the designated speaker from his position on top of Bull’s head. They say nothing, though. What follows is a ridiculous stare down. Kakashi raises his eye to the sky as if to ask for patience and drags his hand through his hair. He’s really not looking forward to this but there’s really no point in trying to avoid it either so he resigns himself to what is about to happen.

Pakkun’s smug look tells him that the pug knows well enough that he won. A part of Kakashi wants to deny them now out of sheer principle. He would too. Kakashi can be petty like that but he also has self-preservation and he knows that doing that will only mean that when they finally have this conversation, Pakkun is going to make it as awkward and painful as he possibly can.

Kakashi might as well get on with it, he knew it was inevitable from the beginning. It would be counterproductive to fight it now. And far worse for his pride. So Kakashi resigns himself to his fate and tries to get his thoughts into some sort of order so that he can actually figure out some way to express them correctly. He just doesn’t really know how to explain or what he’s supposed to say, this kind of conversations have never been his forte.

Not that he has to have them very often, to be honest. So no matter how much he tries to figure out what he wants to say, he ends up blurting out the first thing that comes to his mind.- “Her name is Alex, I’m staying at her apartment.”- Kakashi tells them and he’s grateful to his training for the way it comes out nonchalant instead of nervous. It’s still nowhere near enough to explain what Kakashi wants to clarify, what he actually means and what he has decided. It’s still a start, though.

The dogs look at him a while longer, like they’re going to figure out what it all means if only they stare at him for long enough. Maybe they will, who knows? Besides the names carved in stone back in the village, they have known him the longest and names in a stone ask no questions and offer no answers.

Maybe Gai is somewhere close to that level but as good as Gai is in understanding Kakashi, their relationship revolves around unvoiced understanding and meaningful silences. Which seem like an oxymoron when referring to Gai, but it’s the truth nonetheless. And ridiculous challenges, obviously. That was half the fun if Kakashi has to be honest. Of course, he will never admit it out loud, will never let it be known.

Gai knows, though. He realizes that Kakashi would never let himself be dragged into any of those challenges if he really didn’t want anything to do with it. All of this means that Gai knows him well enough to figure out many things at a glimpse, after all, Kakashi is no good at talking and Gai, as a taijutsu specialist, is very good at reading body language. Gai might just get the truth out of Kakashi with a couple of words and a piercing gaze.

So Kakashi has no doubt that his dogs have figured something out. They know him better than anyone else does, after all. Even as they continue to stare, Kakashi offers nothing more. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to do in this situation. And really, unless they ask questions, Kakashi is just going to stand there and allowed himself to be stared at. It’s easier for him.

They give him a nod in unison. Have they always been like that? It’s kind of creepy if Kakashi is being honest. But before Kakashi can comment on that, they’re already forming a circle a little far away. A part of him wonders about what they’re deliberating, he knows the topic but he’s kind of worried about the conclusions. Kakashi knows he’s no good at human interaction but he likes to believe he’s still better at it than his pack.

Sometimes normal canine behaviour just doesn’t translate well to the human thinking process. It can make for awkward misunderstandings. It doesn’t help that Kakashi himself sometimes doesn’t understand why it’s a problem or a misunderstanding. It happens more often than Kakashi is comfortable admitting to, even to himself.

It didn’t take long until the pack seemed to have reached an agreement. Which means that soon enough they’re back, surrounding him in a loose circle. Kakashi can almost feel the headache coming up. Really, he’ll be so very happy when this is over. Still, he makes a vaguely questioning noise and remains silent after that. He knows his pack well enough to know that this is mostly out of his hands.

Pakkun stares at him from his position on top of Bull’s head. It should not be possible for a dog that small to be that intimidating, it makes no sense. Kakashi does his best not to twitch but he can’t help how he fidgets a little. He’s uncomfortable and a part of him resents how his pack seems to find amusement out of all of this. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

“We want to meet her,” Pakkun declares and Kakashi has to fight back a wince. Because if this place has no real knowledge of chakra, then it’s highly unlikely that they even know what summoning contracts are. Or that they have talking animals, to begin with. So Kakashi doesn’t think that a meeting is at all possible, not if he wants to keep possible sensitive information secret.

He has a feeling his dogs won’t appreciate the fact, though. So Kakashi gets ready for a long-winded debate.


	6. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some angst, some fluff! But plot is coming!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

They end up staying in that weekend. Simply watching movie after movie or sometimes letting it play on the background while they talk and joke around. Which means that Monday comes and she hasn't prepared lunches. It sucks but she cuts some vegetables so at least all the instant ramen cups she'll have to eat this week will be somewhat healthy. It’s better than nothing.  
  
Still, Alex is determined to get him to leave the apartment, just not this weekend. This weekend she has cleared up to spend time with Sarah. Her girlfriend has been complaining that Alex doesn't make time for her anymore and well, Sarah just might be right. Alex has been trying to adapt to her new routine and as she does it, she has made herself, her job and her studies a priority and somehow Sarah has fallen through the cracks.  
  
It makes her feel incredibly guilty to realize that she hadn’t even noticed. Alex had been so concentrated in herself and all that needs to be done and somehow she hadn’t even thought to include Sarah in any of it. If it hadn’t been for Sarah actually pointing it out, it would have continued that way too.  
  
So she tells Kakashi about her plans and worries for a bit until he rolls his eyes before forcing her out the door. Alex knows, of course, that as good as spending the weekend together would be, it won't be enough. There are still problems they will need to face. She just wants to remind herself why it's worth working on it as well as give this a fighting chance.  
  
Except instead of helping, it has made it worse.  
  
Friday was alright. They had watched a movie and went to bed together, both exhausted of the weeks activities and Alex is ok with that. She has always loved how understanding they both are on the busy schedule of the other and how supportive their relationship used to be. It just isn't anymore and that's ok. They have to work for it.  
  
But she wakes up alone on the bed in the middle of the night and finds Sarah giggling on her phone. A part of her knows then and there but she reminds herself that she has no proof and Alex has made an effort in her life to accuse no one without proof. Maybe she’s just being paranoid.  
  
There's nothing especially suspicious about it either but her gut is telling her this is it and a part of her thinks now it all makes more sense. She ignores that part of herself, it doesn't hurt that another part of her rebels at the very idea because she has always loved Sarah's steadfast loyalty to those she loves. There has to be another reason.  
  
So Alex steps into her girlfriend's living room and notes with a sinking feeling how the blonde in front of her subtly hides the screen from her eyes.   
  
Alex smiles at her anyway. “Couldn't sleep, love?” She asks, reaching to caress the other woman's cheek.   
  
Sarah smiles at her, all warmth and a little apologetic. “No. You know how it is. I'm sorry, did I wake you?”  
  
Alex reaches down to steal a kiss and very firmly tells herself to keep all of her doubts contained for now. “No. I guess I was cold.”   
  
Sarah hums at her, the blond’s lips still against her own. “I think I can help with that.” Sarah’s comment is playful and it makes something hot stir inside of the brunette. There is a hand holding the braid over her shoulder and pulling on it until she follows the silent command and sits on Sarah's lap.  
  
Alex shivers at the hands roaming her body. She busies herself with trailing kisses along Sarah's neck and feather-like touches around the other women's chests and sides. Teasing and slow, barely touching all those places she knows make Sarah moan.  
  
She slides down to the floor when she's pleased by the desperation on her girlfriend's quiet moans and she pulls the blond’s legs open by her thighs. There are other places Alex would like to put her mouth on.  
  
Alex still wakes up alone more often than not and she wakes up a lot. The panic attack has meant the nightmares made a comeback, she's been getting better but maybe the whole silent but persistent fist that is closing on her heart is not helping matters. Perhaps. Who knows? Please note the sarcasm.  
  
That is why during lunch on Sunday she looks at Sarah, that beautiful girlfriend of hers, who is smiling down at her phone but ignoring Alex exist. Like she has been doing the entire weekend. Alex lets her eyes roam the woman in front of her and finally allows herself the realization that this is not working and she doesn't want to fix it anymore.  
  
It's been a while but she remembers now the frustration of Sarah being there only in body. How eager Sarah has been to see her out the door the last months. Alex thinks she should rant, she doesn't. She only stands up and makes her bags. There's no need for her to pick her toothbrush and such, she has the ones back in her apartment.  
  
She picks up what little knick-knacks she cares enough to want back and her clothes. When she comes back, Sarah is still smiling down at her phone. Perhaps only peripherally aware that Alex has left.  
  
“Sarah,” Alex calls.   
  
The woman in front of her hums but doesn't look up.  
  
The green pale eyes remain hidden but Alex admires the mess of a bun on top of the other's head, the way the black oversized shirt contrast with her so very pale skin. Looks at the marks she's had a hand of putting there just last night. Alex sighs.  
  
“I'm breaking up with you, Sarah,” Alex states, calm and sad but resolute.   
  
That actually gets the blond’s attention. The other woman looks hurt and Alex wonders why. This isn't working and Sarah has obviously reached the conclusion sooner than she herself has.   
  
And acted on it.  
  
“What?” The blond’s question is more surprise than actual desire for an answer. Sarah is leaving the phone next to the plate of her uneaten breakfast, eyes locked on the brunette.  
  
“I'm breaking up with you,” Alex repeats, voice projecting a calm she does not feel. “I heard that Alex. I want to know why,” Sarah responds, her voice clipped. There's an edge to the blond’s voice now and Alex almost lets the sigh escape her lips.  
  
She had hoped to avoid the fight. Maybe she should have just left. Except it has been years since Alex had allowed herself to run from needed confrontation and she won't be starting again over a breakup. “Sarah, you have not wanted me around for a long time now and I don't think I want to fight this battle,” Alex replies. There’s almost something defeated in her as she answers.  
  
Sarah is sighing now like Alex is being dense and dramatic. Brown eyes narrow at that but Alex bites her tongue and doesn't rise to the bait. She'll make the conversation as painless as possible.  
  
“Alright Alex, we can work on that.” The blonde's response is almost dismissive. Right. It's not like Sarah sounds like working on it is a burden she'll accept but doesn't want.  
  
Alex can't help the wave of pain that sends through her. She keeps her face neutral and her tone calm anyway. She's made her decision and she won't stray for it. “I don't think I want to. I won't be fighting a losing battle. One I don't want a part in, to begin with.”  
  
The spark of anger in Sarah's eyes is not surprising but the blond doesn't let her own voice grow louder. Both of them have always been fast to anger but have great learned self-control.  
  
“You don't feel like fighting for it? Five years and you're not even going to try?” There's steel on Sarah's voice at her proclamation, her body as tense as the situation. Alex presses her lips together and closes her eyes as she lets the accusation course through her.  
  
Alex takes a deep breath before speaking. “How long have you been seeing her behind my back, Sarah? Do you only talk or has it gone further? All those times you practically threw me out the door, was she meant to come over?” Alex is almost proud of how little anger shows through on her tone.  
  
Alex doesn't really care for the answer to any of those questions. All she wants is to let Sarah know why she doesn't believe the relationship to be worth fighting for anymore. She just doesn't know how else to phrase it and she's past caring anyway.  
  
Sarah's eyes go wide and her whole body flinches back. But then the blond is standing up, hand falling sharply on the table. The noise goes through the apartment like a gunshot and by the surprised sound coming from one of the bedrooms, it woke Phillip. The poor guy has the good sense to keep himself on his bedroom.  
  
Sarah is screaming but Alex doesn't bother to listen because she knows Sarah. Sarah's anger is rarely loud. The blond is all tightly controlled tones and gnashing teeth. No, this is Sarah feeling guilty. When Sarah knows she's done something stupid but she's unwilling to recognize it and apologize, she grows loud instead. It's a bluff, a way to force the other party to back off.  
  
In this situation, it's all the confirmation Alex needed. She had known, of course, but having it confirmed still pains her. She doesn't know if she can wish Sarah the best, there are too many hurt feelings and too much anger inside her for it to be honest. Instead, she only tells Sarah goodbye and leaves with her bag in her hand.  
  
It's too windy to be outside but they had both been woken up by Alex's nightmare and although she wanted nothing more than to be warm in bed, it just wouldn't be a good idea to get back to Sarah's bed after they broke up. So Alex drags herself back home.  
  
She finds Kakashi sprawled on her couch reading twilight of all things. She blinks at the sight in surprise for about a second before deciding she doesn't care enough to comment. Alex goes to him and snuggles herself between the raised book and his chest, entire body covered by the blanket.  
  
She's warm and although it's not entirely comfortable with the roughness of Kakashi’s vest against her skin, Alex closes her eyes and forces her body to relax. She's intent on either falling asleep or snoozing but Kakashi’s moving. Which threatens to ruin her plans, to be honest.  
  
Alex would send him a dirty glare but Kakashi’s keeping her snug against him as he moves so she just lets herself be moved with him. At this point she doesn't care, all she wants is to be allowed to sleep in and not be alone. So she lets him be with nothing but a small grumble of annoyance to let him know she disapproves of his moving around.  
  
She's sad and angry and maybe a little bit in denial so she'll take today to be an emotional mess. She'll let herself mourn her relationship and then she'll work on moving on. Alex still doesn't say a word, tough. She has that knot on her throat that tells her she might just burst into tears the moment she opens her mouth.  
  
So when Kakashi finishes moving them and she's once more under him, all snuggled up and warm, and he asks her what happened; she presses her lips together and she doesn't make a sound. Alex only moves until she's as hidden under him as she's going to get. Kakashi is pulling up, though, and although she understands why he'd likely have questions, that's not what she needs right now.  
  
Alex holds on to his vest in protest and when he doesn't stop, she can't help the “no, Kakashi. Please.” that escapes her. She'd feel pathetic about that, except that it has Kakashi coming back and she needs this right now. She does her best to snuggle closer. There's a kiss on her forehead that has her breath hitching and the tears falling and she can't even be mad about it because it makes it better.  
  
She falls asleep like that. She wakes up like that, too. Little by little. Alex still doesn't feel like moving and Kakashi seems to be feeling nice enough to allow it because he only manoeuvres her until she's better covered with the blanket. He's taken his vest off at some point and she makes sure she can hear his heartbeat in their new position before falling asleep once more.  
  
Kakashi is not entirely sure what is going on other than that it's not good. Alex is under him, clinging and still smelling of tears, and Kakashi needs to know what led to this point but she's still asleep and there's no blood. He can't smell any. So it can wait. There’s the smell of sex on her too and the one of the woman to whom Alex went after the panic attack.  
  
Now Kakashi is aware that he’s not all that good at human interaction. He can still put at least some of the pieces together. The woman must be Sarah, Alex’s girlfriend. And they obviously had some kind of fight, a bad one by how affected Alex seems to be. A part of Kakashi feels guilty.  
  
The last fight he had a hand in and who is to say this one is not simply a continuation from that one? Alex had said they were already having problems but he’s sure he has not been helping in that regard.  
  
It’s not a big part as it normally would be, though. There’s less “all this is my fault” going on in his head and far more wild inarticulate instinct. An instinct that tells him his pack is hurt and pushes him to protect, except Kakashi doesn’t know what he’s meant to protect against. Which has him going crazy. There’s no clear target other than the smells on her and Kakashi doubts that Alex would be alright with him taking care of that particular situation.  
  
When Alex wakes up the second time, she seems far more agreeable to moving. So Kakashi slowly moves away and when she doesn’t protest that, he pulls her until she’s standing. He doesn’t let her talk before him.   
  
“Go take a shower and change into this.” He tells her, handing her the shirt he had been using until a second ago.   
  
Alex blinks at him in apparent surprise and Kakashi worries that this will be what provokes her into rejecting him as he is.  
  
The problem is that Kakashi has already decided on them being pack. He has allowed his instincts to come to terms with this and so there are things around her that are harder to ignore. She doesn’t though. She just looks at his shirt, back at him and then smiles, amused. “Why?” There’s no anger or judgment in her voice. Only curiosity.  
  
“It smells like me” Kakashi clarifies, a little embarrassed by the admission and doing his best to ignore it. She looks at him like she finds that sweet. Kakashi fights the urge to nervously scratch the back of his neck. Alex comes closer to him and hides her face against his neck for a second.  
  
She’s tiny compared to him and to reach she ends up standing on her toes, body balanced by leaning her weight on him and her arms around his shoulders. She’s gone before she fully settles, tough. Off to her bedroom and then the bathroom. Kakashi watches her go before going to the kitchen.  
  
He still needs his answers but it will be better to ensure she’s taken care off first. He re-heats some of the leftovers she left on the fridge and after a moment of deliberation, Kakashi heats milk and adds the ridiculous amount of cocoa powder he’s seen her add almost every night. It’s sweet enough that it can’t be healthy but she loves it and it might cheer her up.  
  
Kakashi sucks at this kind of things, the comforting others that seemed to come so easily to his own teacher. But Alex seems to be responding just fine to his instinct based attempts and that is encouraging. He’ll mess up somewhere along the way but he hasn’t just yet. When Alex comes back, she’s wearing his shirt and he has to consciously fight the laugh to come out. It’s way too big on her. She sends him a nasty look that tells him he wasn’t entirely successful.  
  
He offers her the milk as a peace offering and she takes it before sitting on the chair by the small breakfast table. Kakashi follows after her. She holds the warm cup within her fingers and when she notices his look, she sighs. A bit reluctant, he can tell, but also slightly amused and fond. “One day, Kakashi, that curiosity of yours is going to get you in trouble.” She warns him, still somewhat subdued but it’s also an honest smile so Kakashi thinks this is better.  
  
“And you’ll laugh, I’m sure.” He returns.   
  
She smiles wider at that even as she answers. “But of course! Who do you take me for? I’ll still drag you out of the mess anyway. I’ll demand all the details, too.”  
  
Kakashi sends her a look and Alex only laughs harder.  
  
“What? If the gossip was that important, I want it too!” She tells him. Her smile drops shortly after that and she drags her warm hands over her face as she sighs. “We broke up.” She says to him like she’s just going to throw it out there and be done with it. Kakashi is not sure whether he should be glad that she didn’t beat around the bush or mad that she tells him no details. So Kakashi only deadpans at her.  
  
Alex rolls her eyes at him but she also starts explaining so Kakashi doesn’t complain. “I wanted to remember all the good things about the relationship, you know? Instead of the fights and the stress. That’s why I went. She has been by me for a lot of stupid things, you know? For all that mess with my sister and the subsequent breakdown. I...”  
  
Alex’s gaze is locked on the cup he gave her. She sounds more tired than angry or sad. “I guess it backfired. I… A part of me knew. You know? The way she was behaving, I’ve seen it before. It always ends the same way.”  
  
Alex leans forward, her elbows at either side of the cup and her fingers interlaced. She rests her forehead against her hands for a second before backing up a little and lightly resting her lips against them instead.  
  
“I just pretended not to notice, I ignored the doubts. I just… I didn’t want it to be true so I didn’t. And then, this morning, a part of me went: I can’t do this anymore. It’s broken and I don’t even want to fix it. It makes me feel guilty as hell but… I just… I can’t.” Alex sighs as she shrugs. She grimaces at him but continues before he can comment.  
  
“She has this huge fight with me because I’m not there every weekend I can but when I go, I might as well not be. Time and time again, Sarah won’t even look at me. Practically pushed me out the door as soon as she possibly could for months.” Alex pauses for a second to drag her hands along her hair.  
  
She continues after that: “And… How long has this been going on anyway? Was it me not being there often enough or was that after? I don’t know. I just don’t know if I even want that answer anyway.” She stops after that, one hand rubbing her temple and the other on the cup of milk. Kakashi knows it can’t be hot anymore, maybe lukewarm.  
  
“She was with someone else,” Kakashi says tentatively, a little like it’s a question even if it’s more of a statement.   
  
Alex smiles at him, it’s more sardonic than anything but Kakashi will take it over the tears. “Yeah.”  
  
Kakashi is not sure what to say to that and she smiles at him.   
  
“You’re as terrible as me in this whole emotional conversation thing,” Alex tells him.   
  
He makes a face and she chuckles at him but reaches for his hand and he drags it closer to her. She kisses the palm of his hand, his fingers touching her forehead.  
  
She pulls him after her towards the couch. “Come on. Let’s watch some news and lose our faith in humanity.”  
  
He snorts but lets himself be thrown to the couch. Kakashi pulls her after him and only grimaces a little when she lands a bit too hard on his side.


	7. Public Perception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all stare at her and Alex nods to herself. This is Kakashi’s fault. She knows. The hangover she’s going to have too, she decides. Kakashi can take the blame for all the shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Kakashi is sure that he has found his team, it took a little longer than he thought it would but that can be dealt with later. He finds their trail on the woods surrounding the city and he finds himself deeply amused by the idea of his team camping for months while he had been living in Alex’s apartment. The climate in this place is not necessarily bad, even if the temperature is starting to drop as time goes on. An apartment is still better, though.  
  
He has Pakkun on security detail for Alex, just to make sure the target will not follow through with his threats. With any luck, nothing will happen but if it does, Pakkun can make sure the man loses them somewhere. Kakashi finds his team in the middle of an ambush which is great in the sense that obviously, Pakkun won’t have to deal with the man if he’s here. It’s bad news, however, in the sense that his team is getting ambushed and they’re not doing so well.  
  
There are some seals surrounding the site, which tells him the missing-nin had the site carefully prepared. Some of the seals seem to be neutralizing Genma’s and Anko’s poison. Pulling it from the air. Others are doing the same for Asuma's attacks. Redirecting the wind in such a way that the attacks end up damaging them more than they damage their objective. Which means that their combined attacks with Asuma have been rendered useless. The missing-nin is nowhere to be seen, however.   
  
It might mean that the man is not even here to begin with which means bad news all around. Kakashi thinks it more likely that the target is well-hidden and observing as things unfold. It would be aligned with the man's psych-eval and what Kakashi himself has observed from the man.   
  
He lets himself sink through the ground, making sure to be as subtle as possible and carefully makes his way to the first seal from underground. Breaking it would mean that the whole chain will destabilize and the consequences of that are both unknown and very likely to be dangerous. What Kakashi can do, however, is make it so that the energy expenditure is far higher. That will force the seals to expire faster as well. His team will just have to endure the random attacks until then.   
  
Kakashi is not sure how long it takes but when he emerges back to surface he's tired enough not to appreciate that the first thing he sees is his team fighting some sort of deformed creature. Kakashi just happens to be in perfect position to slit its throat. So he does. He's tired of this asshole’s seals. He's gone and is taking his team with him.  
  


* * *

  
  
Alex wakes up under two other bodies and wonders for about a second about the possible kinkiness of the situation before remembering that they can only be Martin and Diana. It takes a bit of wiggling around to gain freedom but she does manage to escape. Alex takes some sweatpants and a hoodie randomly, puts on Diana's jogging shoes and someone's sunglasses and she's out the door.   
  
She ends up stopping at a little cafeteria on her way because damn it, she needs the coffee and it might help with her slight still drunk issue. A pug shows up out of nowhere and goes inside beside her. Alex blinks at it in surprise but doesn't stop it. The dog is wearing a blue shirt with a small logo on the back and the metal plate Kakashi has. Alex assumes it belongs to someone who is friends with Kakashi and that's all she needs to know right now. Her brain is still not working properly.  
  
She caves quickly when the pug puppy-eyes her and buys some treats. Even then, she still shares some of the meat of her sandwich. Damn her weakness for everything canine. She still likes her dogs bigger, though. Still, the adorableness is strong on this one. The pug follows her all the way home, Alex doesn't mind. Kakashi can deal with this shit.   
  
Alex makes her way back home still somewhat drunk despite her best efforts and definitely exhausted. There's yesterday's leftover makeup on her face, glitter on her hair and last night's dress is hidden under her friend's hoodie and the sweatpants she stole from someone. Not sure who. She only bothered to fix her lipstick and put on sunglasses to hide the mess. Ask her if she cares. Please.  
  
So when she finds a ragtag group of people chilling on her living room and seemingly uncaring about how they’re bleeding all over the place she just blinks and decides she’s going to roll with the bullshit. Anything else requires way too much effort. They all stare at her and Alex nods to herself. This is Kakashi’s fault. She knows. The hangover she’s going to have too, she decides. Kakashi can take the blame for all the shit.   
  
When Kakashi opens his mouth to speak, hands hiding something behind the back of her couch, Alex interrupts with a heartfelt “fuck it”.   
  
He startles by the vehemence of her words   
  
She rolls her eyes and continues. “Kakashi, I love you. Really. I adore you. You're one of my best friends and no one does assholery as masterfully as you. It's awesome. That being said: I'm too sleep deprived to deal with this shit. And maybe a little bit drunk. You're on your own. I'm off to bed.” Laughter follows her as she leaves.   
  
She gives zero fucks.   
  
“Pakkun, what are you doing?” Kakashi says and Alex whirls around because: what?   
  
Except the pug turns around and answers, deadpan: “We’re off to bed.”   
  
And Alex is done with this day because the cute little pug just spoke and how is this her life? She’s sure she’s slightly drunk, not high. She doesn’t do drugs.   
  
The pug, Pakkun it seems, is making his way to her room and when she doesn’t follow, he asks her: “you coming?”  
  
She goes off to bed. One does not simply ignore cute little talking pugs. It’s a rule, she’s sure she read it. Somewhere.  
  
This is Kakashi’s problem and he damn well can deal with it. Still, she screams at him from her bedroom. “You better clean up all that blood, asshole!”   
  
Alex doesn’t really care about the obvious teasing noises on the other side of her door. She’s so very warm on her bed and there’s Pakkun to cuddle with, he smells pleasantly nice. She tells him that and he thanks her while making himself more comfortable in her arms. She doesn’t mind.  
  
Maybe if she takes Pakkun with her to her parent’s house, he can translate for her. Alex has long wondered about the obsession with the ball and why no avocado tree survives. Something to think about.  
  
Alex wakes up hours later, still somewhat tired but not really drunk anymore. Not hangover either, thank the powers that be that she thought to eat and drink a lot of water on her slow-paced walk home. So, mainly, thanks to herself. Go, Alex! She rules.   
  
It takes a while to untangle herself from the bedsheets without waking Pakkun but she manages. She takes a hold of Kakashi’s shirt that is now hers. Thank you very much. She’s never giving it back. It’s stupidly comfortable and warm.   
  
She puts on grey shorts under it and a sports bra because some decency needs to be kept and she’s not feeling the hoodie. Alex finds them sitting on her couch marvelling at the menu. Which what? Who are these people? Still, she smiles and greets the lot of them before going to look for Kakashi because now she’s awake enough to be curious and she knows who has the answers.   
  
She finds him in the kitchen, going through all they have on the fridge and she rolls her eyes because there’s no way they’ll be able to feed all five of them with that. Alex still waits until he comes to the same conclusion and turns to her. She puts herself on his space and he bends so she can kiss his cheek.   
  
Alex smiles at him. “Pizza, Kakashi. That is the answer.”  
  
He rolls his eye at her mock solemn tone but Kakashi still makes his way to the computer so they can order without having to talk to people. Alex follows after him and hugs his shoulders as they order.   
  
She wants to ask but as she pulls back so they can better look at each other and she can ask, he pulls her back to him with his arm. “Later.”  
  
Which fine, but there better be a good explanation as to why there is injured people on the apartment.   
  


* * *

  
  
Kakashi can feel their eyes on him as they order. He knows that his explanation of who Alex is and what they’re doing inside her apartment is not going to be enough now. Kakashi doesn’t do the whole touching thing, they believe, and yet here he is letting himself be touched and touching back.   
  
It’s not his fault, however, that they never bothered to ask him why that is. He's a bit annoyed even if he knows he's not being entirely fair. They couldn't know his instincts would have gone crazy if he would have had to go around smelling of other people and having these people smelling of him. It had been easier when he was very young. He had his father then, his smell has always been stronger on Kakashi. Stronger than any other people’s smell and so it was easier to know who was pack and who wasn’t.   
  
He had Minato afterwards, of course, but the man had been only ten years older than Kakashi. Still a teenager when he found himself responsible for his Hatake student. Kakashi himself had been too young to understand that it wasn’t that the blond hadn’t wanted to carry his smell or have Kakashi carry the blonds, it was that the man didn’t even understand what Kakashi had needed and wanted.   
  
Minato had probably thought that Kakashi was looking for a replacement for his father and had, understandably panicked. The blonde had been 15, nowhere near old enough to raise a 5-year.old. Young Kakashi had, instead, thought that Minato wanted a teacher-student relationship but no pack.   
  
The man had been pack, anyway. Kakashi had always been unbalanced, however, always a little insecure about his welcome because they had been pack but never behaved like it, rarely even smelt like it and Kakashi himself hadn’t known what to do with the whole thing. Alex tugs gently on his hair and he takes his eye off the screen to look at her.   
  
She mock-frowns at him and then arches her brow as a silent question. Kakashi only tugs her closer and she sighs but kisses his forehead. One hand on his cheek and the other still hanging over his chest with her forearm resting on his shoulder. Between their closeness and her hair covering them from view, they have a bit of privacy.   
  
When she pulls back, she doesn’t do so all the way. Alex whispers at him: “ok?”  
  
Kakashi nods at her.   
  
She looks like she’s not sure she’s buying it but she leaves when he gives her a small push. Alex disappears into the bathroom. A little later, Kakashi can hear the shower running.  
  
Kakashi doesn’t let them ask their questions and instead starts explaining to them how to operate the TV, knowing that it’s very different to what they have back home while telling them about all the information they can find by using it. He can’t seem to escape Anko’s attempts to tease and touch him, though. And the only thing that stops him from getting her to stop by force is Genma’s own efforts to distract her.   
  


* * *

  
  
Alex comes back to the living room after her shower to find a Kakashi who looks like he might just snap and murder someone any second now while the other woman in the room, a lady with purple hair, is doing her best to crawl into his lap.   
  
Alex can feel her brows climbing all the way up. Yeah, ok. That’s not going to fly in her apartment. Kakashi turns to look at her as soon as she’s in front of the lot of them. She looks back at him, a little bit of mischief and a little bit of anger in the corner of her mouth. Kakashi says nothing.   
  
The woman turns to her and asks, not caring a bit about inside voices, or manners, for that matter: “Hey! Who are you?” She has to move away from Kakashi to point at Alex the way she’s doing it and Alex takes the opportunity. She drops on her friend’s lap and looks up to him with a smile, tongue between her teeth.   
  
Kakashi radiates amusement even if he doesn’t show it. Still, he doesn’t protest her new self-appointed mission as a meat-shield against over-enthusiastic purple-haired ladies. He pulls her to him by surrounding her waist with his arm before he lets himself fall back, slouching.   
  
Alex slaps his leg as a protest for the sudden movement and he chuckles. When she raises her head to look at him, he rests his other hand around her neck. She doesn’t mind as much as she used to and he likes it, so she allows it. She rests one hand against the arm on her waist while he looks for the remote with the other. The guy with a beard at the other side of Kakashi gives it to her and she thanks him with a smile.   
  
“Show or documentary?” She asks even as she’s already looking for the documentary category.   
  
Sure enough, Kakashi's answer doesn't surprise her. “Documentary”.   
  
Alex rolls her eyes. It’s not that she doesn’t like documentaries, it’s just that she likes to watch shows every now and again, too.   
  
Kakashi steals the control before she can pick something, though. She doesn’t protest, it’s not like she’s planning on even trying to pay attention. Alex cuddles closer, making herself comfortable, and looks for something to read on her phone. Cutting any possible social interaction because now she’s annoyed at these people with their pushy ways that bother Kakashi.   
  
Alex ends up falling asleep somewhere around episode two of Dirty Money and doesn't even mind it that much. She has already seen it, anyway. She wakes up with a start a little later, though. There's someone inches away from her face and Alex's first instinct is to flinch back, the second is to throw a punch. She does both things. Her punch catches the lady right on the throat.   
  
The woman falls back and Alex moves with her, intent on following in on her attack. She can't, there are hands holding her back but before she can move to get rid of them, she hears Kakashi’s voice telling her to stop. So she allows herself to be pulled back, she extends her neck to better accommodate the hand settling on it but doesn't take her gaze away from the purple-haired woman still on her floor.   
  
The man with a beard is standing like he's not sure if he should put himself between them. The one with the brown eyes and the needle between his lips is simply looking at all of them, expression neutral. They're both ready to move, she recognizes that. She's been training in martial arts long enough to be able to tell.   
  
Alex hums, half to force herself into calmness and half to feel the hand on her own throat. She lowers her hand half-way through. It's a neutral position, it makes it easier to move said hand every which way.   
  
There's a part of her angry enough to want to continue this fight but she keeps herself under control. She’s never been good with threatening body language and it’s not like she enjoys being woken up. Those two are a terrible combination. She lowers herself into a crouch and feels Kakashi follow her as he does the same behind her. Alex can’t help the smile that makes her mouth twitch and she reaches for the hand on her own throat. She leaves their joined hands where they are.   
  
Both women look at each other for a little while, Alex doesn’t speak. She doesn’t trust her own temper at the moment, doesn’t trust the anger she can still feel trying to escape her control. What a terrible way to wake up.   
  
The other woman speaks first. “If you didn’t want to share the dick, you should have said so.”  
  
The smugness on the other woman is so thick that Alex can almost touch it, the belief that she can make Alex lose her head. Either out of fury or embarrassment at such a crude comment.   
  
Alex almost laughs because the insult was lazy, to begin with, and she has heard far worse from her own sister. A sister whose opinion, arguably, matters more than this stranger's own.   
  
So Alex smiles, all teeth and barely concealed mocking tones. “Alright, I don’t want to share the dick.”  
  
The other woman blinks, surprised. When she opens her mouth to say something else, Alex dismisses her by turning to Kakashi.  
  
“I think I’m off to the gym,” Alex tells him, she kisses his cheek the same way she does every time she leaves. When she pulls back so she can pick up her stuff, Kakashi lets her go.   
  
He still calls her back before she can actually go through the door. “Take Pakkun with you.”  
  
She arches her brow at him and then at the dog when Pakkun is suddenly beside her but she concedes easily enough with a roll of her eyes.   
  


* * *

  
  
Kakashi watches Alex leave and ignores the tension in the room. He’s already at a wit's end with his team and the fact that they don’t understand the reason behind it does little to calm him down. Anko’s humour has always tended to the sexual and Kakashi has never minded that, he has, however, never liked her tendency to rub herself on him. He did not care if she does it to other people but he won’t let her do it to him.   
  
Kakashi doesn’t appreciate someone he’s not all that close with invading his space and that is without taking into account the fact that he has no desire to carry her smell around. So he had stopped her. When his various and clear attempts at both telling her and showing her that he won’t stand for it had gone on unheeded, Kakashi had made it clear to her in a very violent manner.   
  
Anko had avoided him for months and Kakashi has to deal with Kurenai’s silent disapproval of him to this day. Kakashi doesn’t particularly care.   
  
He has no idea what has made Anko start her antics once more and the only thing that had stopped him from ending it the same way he had before was Genma’s and Alex’s interference. Alex’s solution of simply putting herself on the space Anko had been trying to occupy had been both surprising and amusing. Still, it had only worked until Anko noticed Alex fell asleep.   
  
The idea that Alex’s answer to waking up to someone so close was to hit said someone is another surprise, not that Kakashi is complaining. It means she actually has some survival instinct. Kakashi has wondered, she had seen nothing wrong with accepting a strange man into her home, after all. And a bunch of bleeding and dirty people this morning. It’s a little worrying.   
  
Maybe he should talk to her about trapping the place, he’s not sure if she’s going to like the idea but until now she rarely denies him what he asks for. She might let him, he loses nothing by asking, he’s come to find out. Anko’s rant about just what she will do to Alex “next time” has him coming back from his musings.   
  
Kakashi has tried to be patient with the woman, he understands the insecurity and hurt hidden behind the rude behaviour. That doesn’t mean that he will stand by while she bad-mouths and threatens his pack.   
  
Alex had said “together” and Kakashi accepted. That means quite a big variety of things. Asuma and Genma are doing their best to calm her down but Anko is riling herself up. He has their attention as soon as he steps closer to them.   
  
Kakashi knows his body language, as calm as it pretends to be, is not even close to being friendly. He ignores both men and watches with something close to satisfaction as Anko backs up for every step he takes closer to her. Kakashi doesn’t rush it. He simply follows where she goes. There’s more primal instinct in him at the moment than anything and he doesn’t feel kind. It takes a while but she has backed herself against the wall and Kakashi invades her space, being particularly careful of not touching her.   
  
Alex doesn’t have his nose but having Anko’s smell on him doesn’t sit well. Neither does the idea of transferring that smell onto Alex when she comes back. He lowers his head close enough to Anko that she can hear him when he whispers. “You won’t do it again.” He waits until she nods numbly at him before backing up.


	8. Breakfast smoothies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kakashi, why is there a dead animal on my fridge?”- She repeats herself. Asuma winces because he recognizes that tone. The slow careful pronunciation of each word that lets you know the woman in question doesn't feel like being merciful. It’s not a nice position to be in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Alex comes back to Kakashi’s friends sleeping all over her living room and no Kakashi in it. Which rude. She really needs those answers now and she’s not entirely sure she likes the idea of them around her place. She takes a picture and texts it to him with a “WTF” so he knows she’s not pleased. She goes to her room trying not to wake them up, anyway. They’re already there, throwing them out can wait until tomorrow morning.   
  
She finds Kakashi asleep on her bed and sighs. Will the rudeness never stop? She ignores him. She changes into her pyjamas. When she turns around she finds Pakkun sitting on her bed, waiting for her.   
  
A part of her wonders about a talking dog watching her change and then decides to let it go. They're not even the same species. Pakkun seems to be under the impression that Kakashi, for some reason, is feeling paranoid enough to send him as “security detail”. Alex is more of the idea that Pakkun does as he pleases and Kakashi only accepted it.   
  
Alex decided to believe him anyway even if she is not quite sure why Kakashi would feel that way or what it means. If it makes him feel better, she’s all for it. Kakashi has seemed more animated lately. She’ll ask him about the whole seeing someone thing later, she’ll have to make sure to remember. Alex looks at Kakashi, all snuggled up with her blankets and gives up. Damn the asshole.   
  
She burrows under the blankets, Kakashi hums at her and she hums back. Alex allows herself to be pulled closer to him and makes herself comfortable with her head on his chest and her hand on his stomach. Pakkun settles himself on the hollow of her back. They fall asleep like that.   
  
When she wakes up, it's because Kakashi is trying to leave their little nest of blankets and she whines at him to make him stop. He doesn't and she huffs at him, annoyed. She holds onto him tighter and wiggles her way on top of him.  
  
“Alex.” He says in admonishment and maybe fond exasperation. Alex doesn't move, she knows she just won.  
  
Sure enough, Kakashi sighs but settles back down and Alex can feel her body loosening up again. There's a hand rubbing her back and she hums a little. She drops a kiss on his chest and falls asleep again.  
  


* * *

  
  
Kakashi is a little annoyed by Alex's refusal to let him go but the idleness is made bearable by the binder Pakkun has brought back to him. If Kakashi finds amusement in the fact that he destroyed what organization Alex had on the area while at it, well no one needs to know. He’s done with the division about accounting and starting on the division about world history when Alex starts to wake up again. Kakashi doesn’t bother to move.   
  
It takes a little while before Alex actually decides to move and even then she only moves enough to see what he's doing. She hums at him when she does.- “Those notes are incomplete, Kashi. Want me to print the latest version?”   
  
She has the habit of shortening his name sometimes. Kakashi finds that he doesn't mind as much as he thinks he should.   
  
She’s somewhat awake now but still fairly sleepy, Kakashi might have to remind her about her offer to print her most recent notes for him. He had been wondering about finding the notes written by hand. He’s only ever seen her do her college work on her computer. He’s not all that interested in accounting but this place’s history is good information to have. It will give him better insight.   
  
“Kashi.”- She says and Kakashi only hums at her to show he's listening but he doesn't stop reading.- “Why do I need a security detail?”  
  
For a second Kakashi is not sure he heard her right but when he turns to look at Pakkun and he returns his look with guilty eyes, he knows what happened. He feels like sighing but he only leaves the binder on the side instead.   
  
She tries to pull back from him but Kakashi is already moving so he can have her under him, her forehead on his collarbone. Alex seems confused for a little while but she pulls him closer when she notices him trembling, her hands start rubbing his sides. When Kakashi is finally under control, he realizes she's murmuring to him.  
  
“Are you back with me?”She asks him, Kakashi nods knowing that even if she can't see him, the hand on the back of his head will make sure she knows. “What do you need?” Alex questions but he doesn't feel like answering and when she moves, he whines on the back of his throat.   
  
A big part of him is so embarrassed by the sound but it gets her to stop moving and back to whisper sweet calming words to him so he doesn't even try to take it back. It takes a while but eventually Kakashi is calm enough to let her move as long as she makes sure to remain on arms reach. She sits on his legs, hands on his cheeks and worry on her face.   
  
He still can't help hunching over a little when she begins to talk. “Kakashi, if you think I need a security detail, I won't fight you on it.”   
  
Kakashi can feel his muscles losing their tension and he's sure she can feel it too with how close they're to one another.   
  
“Oh no, Kakashi. I didn't mean it like that.” Her voice is thick with guilt.  
  
He pulls her to him and she settles on his lap, her hands keep petting him. It's relaxing.  
  
He doesn't expect the flood of words that just escape him. “My team and I were hunting a target when we ended up here. The target is not yet taken care of and… I… It's just better that you're protected.”  
  
By this point, Kakashi’s head is bowed forward, his forehead rests on her shoulder and his hands hold her to him. Both arms around her back.  
  
One of her hands is petting the small hairs on the back of his neck, the other is rubbing his shoulder. “I'm going to be alright, Kakashi. Ok? I can take care of myself but if you think it's better for me to take Pakkun with me, then I will. Ok?”  
  
Kakashi nods again because he doesn't know if he can trust his voice anymore. Alex drops a kiss on the side of his face.  
  
“What do you need, Kakashi?”  
  
Kakashi just holds her closer and she pulls him closer as well in response.  
  
“I'm a jounin.” Kakashi tells her and she makes a little questioning noise. And of course, she doesn't understand what that means, why this loss of control is unwelcome. Kakashi tells her anyway, muttered words he's sure Alex can only half understand.   
  
She doesn't interrupt him, she only hums at the right times and allows him to rant. By the time he's done, his voice is raspy but he feels better even as he tries to hide the tears running down his cheeks.  
  
“Ok. Kakashi… I don't understand most of what you just said. I don't know what being a jounin means or a Hokage. I don't know where this Konoha is.” She sighs at him but continues shortly afterwards. “I know none of these things and maybe, when you feel better, I would like you to explain. But I know this, Kakashi. Feeling guilty is ok but letting the guilt fester until it drags you down is unhealthy. And a little useless. You're a wonderful man, Kakashi and you deserve to be happy, Ok?”   
  
She waits until he nods at her in return before she goes on. “I can't promise you that you won't lose me because I'm as human as anyone else and I won't make a promise I'm not sure I can keep. But I promise to be careful and listen to you. Ok? I'll take Pakkun with me everywhere and I can make it so you can track my phone with yours. Would that help?”  
  
Kakashi nods again in return and moves them until they're both lying down again. Alex is already awake but she doesn't complain. She allows it to happen. Kakashi ends up falling asleep again, his face is hidden on her collarbone. When he wakes up, Alex is still petting his hair and still very much awake. A part of Kakashi knows he's going to be embarrassed about this entire episode later but right now he can't muster the energy for it.   
  
Alex realizes he's awake when he shifts. She lets him go when he pulls back. Kakashi drags his hand through his hair, a little frustrated.   
  
She flicks his forehead. “None of that.” She tells him and tries to pull him back but he doesn't let her. Alex sighs. “Tea helps me with this. It might work for you too, would you like me to brew you some?”   
  
Kakashi is not sure he wants to let her go but he forces himself to nod. She looks at him a little dubious but she still stands up. She stretches and puts on a hoodie before turning to look at Pakkun, who is sitting at the edge of the bed.- “Let’s go.”- But Pakkun doesn’t move, he just looks at Kakashi and Kakashi stares back because he doesn’t need this right now.  
  
“Boss, I’m not the best in a fight.” Kakashi recognizes the opening for what it is, he can feel both the annoyance and gratitude surging through him. He says nothing, he only summons Bull as a response.   
  
Bull looks around and goes to stand next to Pakkun who climbs until he’s on top of Bull’s head. Alex is looking at both dogs like she’s not sure what to make of the situation. When she turns to look at him, he can almost see the questions on her face.  
  
“Summoning technique.” He offers. She doesn’t look like that makes sense to her. Maybe Kakashi should start paying attention to the cultural differences. Still, he had suspected.  
  
Alex just massages her temple with her fingers for a second before telling him: “Right. You’re explaining that. After the tea.”  
  
She doesn’t wait for his answer before leaving, Pakkun and Bull trailing behind her. Kakashi sighs because he’s not sure he’s up for it but it’s better than having to actually consciously explain why Alex needs the security detail or what being a jounin means.   
  


* * *

  
  
Alex knows she should have expected this. No one goes from trying to throw himself out the balcony to be perfectly fine the next day. She still feels a little guilty because even with all of this, she doesn’t necessarily regret asking. She has known something just doesn’t make sense about the whole situation but she has been letting it go until this point. The fact remains, however, that she needs an explanation now. She can’t let things continue as they are. Enough is enough.  
  
Still, she’s not sure what part of her question triggered him like that. Thankfully his reaction was far calmer than hers, there’s no way she would have been able to stop Kakashi if he went full on panic mode. She greets the people standing around her apartment and pretends not to see the question in their eyes. The bread is going to take a while but she puts it on the oven anyway. With any luck, Kakashi will feel like eating something after having the tea.   
  
She picks the chai tea for herself but when she reaches for a second cup, Pakkun tells her a tea like that is not a good idea for Kakashi. Alex wonders for a second before remembering that chai tea has some really strong and spacy smells and Kakashi seems to have this really strong nose. She sighs because she really feels like chai this morning but she doesn’t know if drinking it herself might be uncomfortable for Kakashi.  
  
“Just don’t put it under his nose," Pakkun tells her and Alex smiles at him.   
  
She drops her hand on his head to scratch him as she thinks. A calming tea with a smell that isn’t all that strong. She thinks of lavender first but recognizes that Kakashi is probably already tired of it.   
  
She likes the smell so much, she uses it for everything. Poor Kakashi, she’ll ask him about that later. Alex picks a lemongrass blend and shows it to the dogs after opening the container. She starts heating the water after she gets their approval.  
  
The man with a beard sits on the breakfast table, Alex smiles at him and goes back to moving aimlessly through her kitchen. She sits up next to him when she finds a bag of cookies to snack on while she waits for the water to heat.  
  
“What’s your name?” She asks the new dog because Alex has the feeling her new security detail has grown and she would rather know the dogs she’s meant to have around her now.  
  
“Bull can’t speak,” Pakkun informs her, voice deadpan.  
  
Because of course, Alex should have known. The pug can speak but it’s obvious that the bulldog can’t. What had she been thinking? Alex rolls her eyes at Pakkun but scratches his head at the same time so he knows it’s alright.  
  
“You’re very handsome.” She tells Bull and to her amusement, he ducks his head, evidently embarrassed. She kisses him on the top of his muzzle because Pakkun is still on top of his head.  
  
“I didn’t know you’ve met Kakashi’s dogs,” The man next to her tells her, she smiles because she needs to be polite even if she’s not really sure about these people overall.  
  
“I just met them. I just happen to like dogs.” Alex tells him. He takes a cigarette out and she can feel herself tense before she forces the smile back on her face.  
  
“Don’t like the smoke?” He asks her and she shrugs.  
  
“More like the smell gives me headaches but feel free to smoke on the balcony.”  
  
He nods at her and stands up. “Asuma Sarutobi, a pleasure.”  
  
She extends her hand for him to shake and he stares at it for a bit. Ok. Rude. She pulls her hand back. “Alexandra Fernandez.”  
  
He’s waiting for something she has no interest in giving. Dude crashes on her place, behaves rudely and now wants something. Fuck the asshole. She stands to get the tea ready.   
  
She finds Kakashi looking tired and grumpy on her door and decides that yeah, he’s not leaving the room. So she smiles and bulldozes him back inside her room even as she hands him his tea. He looks at her like he knows what she’s up to but Alex ignores that.   
  
She only smiles wider when she realizes her bodyguards are helping her on her mission of keeping Kakashi inside the room. She sits on the edge of her bed, eyeing her previously organized desk. What a mess. It doesn’t matter, really. It can be fixed. Alex is going to make sure Kakashi is alright and once he is, he better start answering her questions.   
  


* * *

  
  
“I think that you were supposed to shake her hand,” Genma tells him.   
  
Asuma thinks he might be right, whatever it is he did or failed to do was obviously rude. Judging by Alexandra’s reaction, at the very least. Things are getting more and more bizarre in this mission. It’s surreal.   
  
None of them is sure where this place stands among the Elemental Nations. Which makes them all a little worried, a little bit restless. Except for Kakashi apparently. Kakashi seems to be perfectly comfortable with the situation he finds himself in. Asuma is genuinely curious.   
  
When Kakashi had told them to follow him, all of them had done so without question. Kakashi is a good captain if a little distant. A good man to follow, it’s just that the man has no social life. Or he would have no social life if it weren’t for Genma’s stubbornness in forcing the man outside of his apartment and Gai’s insistent challenges.   
  
But yesterday had thought him he has been wrong on many assumptions he has made on Kakashi. He had thought the man distant and yet, the man reacts to this Alexandra, he accepts the mothering and hovers a little himself. It had been weird to watch if a little endearing.   
  
The woman is tiny, maybe a couple of centimetres over a meter and a half with long wavy hair of a brown so dark that it looks black. Her eyes are brown too, although the shade changes depending on the lighting. She has slightly tanned skin and the muscles of her body talked of someone used to physical activity.   
  
She’s also very free with her touch around Kakashi, be it a hand on him to get his attention, a kiss on top of his head or wherever she can reach or even a hug. Little things, big things, she’s comfortable with doing both and the ease in which she does it tells them all that Kakashi doesn’t reject them at all or often enough to make her conscious about them.   
  
Asuma had thought Kakashi simply dislikes being touched and yet he had seen the captain bending to accommodate a kiss on the cheek. Asuma had seen the anger and hurt on Anko’s face when they had realized that Kakashi didn’t simply endure the physical touch but sought it out himself.   
  
A part of him is sympathetic, Anko has been hurt too many times and the injuries are not quite healed yet. Might never be. But Asuma can also tell that it has nothing to do with it being Anko, specifically, who pushes herself on him. Anko had still seen it as another rejection from a fellow ninja of The Leaf.  
  
Kakashi doesn’t like touches in general and Anko pushing her insecurities on the man until he snapped was never going to end differently. To this day, it’s the only fight with Kurenai he hasn’t backed off of. For all that Kurenai is a wonderful ninja, she still doesn’t realize that she has only just been promoted to jounin for a reason. Kakashi has had the rank longer than all of them for a reason, too.   
  
Still, this woman, for whatever reason, is welcome on Kakashi’s space in a way none of them is. Not outside of a spar anyway. And two of them are already on her shit list. That’s no good. Anko is still sulking somewhere, Genma might be the next option. Not that Anko being around would be any help.   
  
Or maybe Asuma can simply ask what’s wrong? Who knows. It takes about an hour before both of them resurface from what Asuma assumes is her room. Kakashi looks a little tired and maybe a bit embarrassed. She looks worried but otherwise alright. Asuma almost laughs at the image. There’s this tiny lady pushing and insisting until Kakashi resigns himself to sit by the table while she cooks.   
  
She’s all gentle concern and soft touches but when Asuma lets his laugh escape, she sends him a dirty look. He raises his hands in surrender and Kakashi chuckles. It’s enough to redirect her attention to Kakashi. She only smiles at him and drops a kiss on his shoulder before she continues with the cooking. He’d complain but he’s sure it won’t win him any points.  
  
Asuma is about to say something when she jumps back from the fridge and starts a long-winded exclamation of words that Asuma is going to bet are insults. The three of them look at her in surprise until Genma quietly says: “shit”. Which reminds the rest of them that they had put the dead creature there.   
  
The woman whirls around, anger on every line of her body. The dogs put themselves outside of her line of sight. Genma and he decide not moving is their best bet. It’s slightly funny that a civilian young woman has them all freezing in place but all of them have lived long enough to know it’s better to avoid an angry woman. They all met Kushina Uzumaki after all.   
  
“Kakashi! Why is there a dead thing on top of my pre-prepared breakfast smoothies?”  
  
Kakashi blinks at her, slightly surprised  
  
When he takes a little too long in answering, the woman hisses at him. “Kakashi, why is there a dead animal on my fridge?”  
  
Asuma winces because he recognizes that tone. The slow careful pronunciation of each word that lets you know the woman in question doesn't feel like being merciful. It’s not a nice position to be in.   
  
Asuma can see Kakashi’s hand twitch and he notices for the first time that the captain’s famous book is nowhere to be seen.  
  
“It was the target’s.” He sounds slightly defensive.  
  
Asuma can almost feel Genma startle at the same time he does because they hadn’t thought that Kakashi had shared mission details with this Alexandra.  
  
“The target’s?” She asks and Kakashi just nods.   
  
Asuma is expecting a bigger explosion but the woman just takes a deep breath and steps back.   
  
"Right. The bad mean target with the seal thingies you talked about. That one.”  
  
Kakashi looks both amused and offended. “I did not say thingies.” He informs her  
  
She rolls her eyes. “Same thing. You know what I meant. It doesn’t matter. Couldn’t you put the dead animal somewhere else?”


	9. Conflict and resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this one has better editing. I might go back and fix the other chapters. It's format so no need to go back and re-read it. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Final’s week is coming up.” She tells Pakkun as they walk aimlessly instead of going home. It's an avoidance tactic so obvious that she’s almost surprised Pakkun hasn't called her on it. Normally Pakkun isn’t all that patient with the decisions she makes that he doesn’t agree with.  
  
The thing is that Kakashi’s friends are still there and she has been making herself scarce. It’s not a solution but the only way she knows to fix things is not a good option. This is a band-aid solution. She doesn’t want to be a point of confrontation between Kakashi and his team, however. So she avoids going back, makes herself scarce in the name of peace and harmony.  
  
Alex still goes home every night in time for bed, still rolls her eyes at Kakashi every night after finding him in her bed. Still cuddles with him still lazes around in bed every morning she possibly can. She has just made herself scarce otherwise, the purple-haired woman Alex could have handled. It was like having a louder Daniela around.  
  
Although, as much as Alex loves her sister, it had been a while since she had welcomed Daniela’s presence for longer than necessary. It was part of the reason why she had dropped everything, even if it left her with student loans she was struggling to pay, and gone all the way to another continent to finish her studies.  
  
Still, this Anko lady Alex could have handled. Not happily but she would have done it. It’s not like Alex doesn’t have experience handling that personality type, the demanding and somewhat bullying nature of every interaction. Or the barely hidden emotional manipulation. It helps that Alex is not invested on the woman beside what she means to Kakashi.  
  
The tension around the apartment, the way it felt as though any moment things will go to shit, on the other hand, that she could not handle. She feels like she's walking on eggshells. She's been so tense that her body hurts. She had never wanted to be in a situation like this again and she can’t help the helpless frustration that comes with it.  
  
She had thought she had left that back in Ecuador. And as much as she missed her family fiercely, that was the reason she mostly avoided every opportunity to go back unless her younger cousins were involved. She loves those children and part of her is hurt by the fact she meets them so little that it is likely they wouldn’t remember her.  
  
She still doesn’t miss them enough to sacrifice her emotional health for it and yet she ends up sacrificing it anyway. She feels like she’s going to start having flashbacks for the stupidest of reasons. She adores Kakashi, really, he’s like the friend she hadn’t ever known she needed but sometimes it’s just too much.  
  
Still, the tension around the place had her feet slowing every time she forced herself to go back. Pakkun and Bull are a blessing, really. Pakkun’s sarcastic comments are the highlight of her days. His wit is merciless. And Bull's presence is steady and so very calming.  
  
They were wonderful company and never let her get away with dumb things. Alex feels a little guilty every time she comes back, too. Kakashi has been getting increasingly clingy and she knows that it is on her. Kakashi is afraid of losing her, she knows. She had not understood all that he rambled about but she understands the man had lost too much.  
  
She hates how worried he is getting. It’s been increasingly stressful for him and she does feel so very guilty about it but she couldn’t handle the apartment in large doses. For the sake of her own sanity. As sad as that sounds, she knows her own limits and has no desire to push them right now. She needs to worry about herself too.  
  
Which is why she's been making an effort to stay with him on her bedroom for as long as they could, why she has made sure to always cook for him so he knew she very much still cares for him. Why she brings him little things she has found on her day that reminded her of him. It still made him worried, though, that she was out for so long.  
  
And now finals week is coming and she knows this conversation isn’t going to be nice, isn’t going to be a happy one. Kakashi is going to freak out but she needs to study and to be frank, she’s a little relieved to have a genuine reason to be out of the apartment for long periods of time.  
  
Her apartment feels invaded now and she can’t help but resent that. It’s a mess but she knows Kakashi needs to deal with this. They are Kakashi’s team and she will never get in the way of that. It still is a mess, though. Still very much an annoyance she can’t get rid off.  
  
Kakashi is still a mystery to her. He’s a good friend, one of the people she cares about and that isn’t changing any time soon. But Kakashi has a nose unlike anyone else she ever met before, Kakashi can summon dogs from who knows where.  
  
It makes no sense, a part of her feels like she’s part of a Marvel comic book now. It makes her restless. She can’t ask questions, though. He has nervous breakdowns, it makes her feel terrible afterwards and she still gets no answers.  
  
It makes her worried because she has no idea what she’s in for and she has a bodyguard detail in the form of two of Kakashi’s dogs. How is she supposed to know what to protect herself against if she knows nothing of the situation?  
  
The team is hunting someone, she knows. Not who or why, that Kakashi is tight-lipped about. That someone is dangerous, she knows. How she knows not. It stresses her out, it forces her back to the gym more often than not.  
  
Her knuckles are split open more often than not this days, for using the punching-bags too often and for too long. She doesn’t overly mind but Kakashi had almost pulled out the bubble-wrap the first time he had smelled blood on her. It’s a mess, a confusing one. She’s not sure what to do. These thoughts keep circling around on her mind, it’s very distracting and now finals week is coming up. She’ll need all the concentration she can get.  
  
Normally, she would study on the library so that the temptation of her own bed would be distant but dogs are not allowed there and she had promised Kakashi that she’ll bring Bull and Pakkun everywhere. She can’t study in her apartment either, there are too many people there. Too much noise and stress, she won’t be able to concentrate. That leaves either some friend’s apartment or the cafeteria.  
  
Going to a friend will require that she answer questions sooner or later, though. They’ll want to know why she’s avoiding her own apartment and what is she supposed to say? How is she meant to answer?  
  
That only leaves the cafeteria and that is just a mess, Kakashi won’t be happy. There are no other options, though. It startles her when Pakkun pulls on her hoodie, she had been so lost inside her mind she hadn’t even realized she had made it back to the apartment already.  
  
Alex sighs but obediently pulls out her keys so they can make their way inside. She finds them around her table, looking at a map and doesn’t even bother to pretend she’s pleased to see them.  
  
Kakashi stands to greet her and she allows herself to be pulled into a hug, she pulls herself up on her toes so she can kiss his cheek. Alex allows herself to melt into it, her body is way too tense and the little streak of blood on his skin make her realize her knuckles are bleeding again.  
  
Kakashi twitches but doesn’t comment and she’s grateful for it right up until Anko opens her mouth. “Get a room, would ya?”  
  
Alex struggles with the anger inside her but she pushes it down. She’s had practice with this long before she moved, anyway.  
  
Control is an important thing to have and she refuses to lose it over a woman who behaves like a brat. She ignores the quiet noises the men make as they try to reign in the woman, try to keep the peace. Her body tenses back up anyway, she knows Kakashi can feel it by the sigh he muffles against her neck. It’s a mess, this whole thing is a mess.  
  
He lets her go when she pulls back, anyway. She would like to have something reassuring to tell him but she doesn’t know how to even start so she smiles as best she can and makes her way to the bathroom. A shower will hurt nothing and after that, she’ll start her study routine. She already planned it out on the gym.  
  
She’ll have to clear her desk because she rarely used it in the past, other than to lay down her stuff but it will get used tonight. Alex will just throw herself to her duties and with any luck by the time she resurfaces Kakashi’s team will no longer be necessary on the apartment. She doubts it but she can hope. It’s free after all. She’s been studying for an hour when it occurs to her that she hadn’t heard a peep from Kakashi’s team.  
  
Maybe she doesn’t need the cafeteria, after all, she’ll just barricade herself in her room and get everything she can do in it. Not the happiest move but it’ll get rid of her impending fight with Kakashi so she’ll make do. Alex is still studying when Kakashi comes into the room, she tilts her head up for the kiss he plants on her forehead and mumbles goodnight at him when he gets into the bed. She doesn’t go to sleep that night.  


* * *

  
  
Kakashi is worried and he knows it. Bull and Pakkun are as well, he knows. Alex rarely comes out of her room now, she spends most of her time studying. When Kakashi asks, she says she has finals coming up. She needs to study to get good grades. But she had been spending less and less time around her apartment before, spending as much time on the gym as she could.  
  
There’s always the scent of blood on her now. Kakashi is not sure what to do. He tries to keep her closer to him and she had indulged him on the most part when they were alone but getting her to come back had been increasingly difficult. Now Kakashi can barely get her to put down her books.  
  
He doesn’t understand what his team’s problem is or why they’re allowing it to influence the mission. Anko he understands. The woman is a good ninja, that much is undeniable, but not a professional one. Anko has always been too reckless, too impulsive.  
  
Kakashi has maybe been too lenient but he had though Asuma and Genma would have reigned her in. That is how this team has worked on the few occasions they have been put together for a mission. It worries him and it’s starting to turn into anger.  
  
Alex has immersed herself on her studies and rarely surfaces. She still makes time for him, in private when they’re in her room, but getting her to leave it for anything other than college has become increasingly difficult.  
  
She sleeps very little and most times out of sheer exhaustion on her own desk. How is Kakashi meant to fix things, he doesn’t know. A week has gone on like this. Alex comes back home from college with so many books with her that she has Bull pulling some on a small wagon. It would be funny if it wasn’t so worrying.  
  
There’s an almost blank look on her face as she turns to look at his team before her gaze settles on him and she makes her way to him. Kakashi pulls her to him so he can greet her properly and Alex melts into him. And then, like clockwork, Anko makes a snippy comment. Genma and Asuma move quickly to try to avert any future problems but it’s already too late. Alex has already tensed up again and Kakashi still doesn’t know how to fix this.  
  
He turns to watch Alex as she closes her eyes and her lips tighten as she does her best to reign the anger he can feel resting under her skin. Except instead of ignoring his team this time, she opens her eyes and stares unblinkingly at Anko. Kakashi is not sure about what to do.  
  
Kakashi can feel Anko’s smugness and a big part of him is done with her shit. Kakashi had been too lenient. He doesn’t feel like being nice anymore. He doesn’t get to say anything, though.  
  
Alex speaks first. “I’m done.”  
  
And Kakashi can feel the fear that suddenly grips him because he knew he’ll lose her sometime but he had never imagined he’ll lose her due to his team’s actions instead of his own. But Alex hasn’t pulled back from him just yet. She's tense but she's still next to him.  
  
She’s only staring at Anko and speaking in that calm composed tone of hers that Kakashi has learned it means she’s thinking very carefully in how and what she will say. Genma and Asuma manage to keep Anko quiet but Alex keeps speaking after a brief pause.  
  
“You’re Kakashi’s team and for him, I have endured you in my home but I will not deal with this anymore. Whatever your problem is, it is your own and I care little to nothing for it. Do not use me as an outlet for your own problems, I have nothing to do with them and frankly speaking, I do not give a damn.” Her tone did not change yet somehow it felt like it was getting colder and colder.  
  
“You will take your things and be gone from my apartment by the time night comes.”. She turns to him and Kakashi feels the kiss on his forehead.  
  
He still doesn’t move because a part of him feels like begging her not to make him leave and another feels like killing Anko on the spot.  
  
He does neither.  
  
She sighs when she looks at him, and one of her hands drops to his cheek. “We’ll watch a show tonight, ok? After they’re gone.”  
  
And just like that, Kakashi feels like he can breathe again. She’s throwing them out, not him. He’s still welcome and that’s enough to calm his fear but not his anger because she should not look this tired, this done with his own team’s shit. They’re all silent as they watch her leave for her room.  
  
“Captain, you won’t let her throw us out, right?” Anko asks him.  
  
He notices with a start that this is what Anko has been trying to do all along with her emotional manipulation tactics. The realization makes him feel cold inside.  
  
She wanted to put Alex in such a position that she would be forced to put Kakashi in a situation where he would have to choose between his team and Alex. Anko is so sure that she’ll pick them, too. Why wouldn’t she? Kakashi has never made it a secret that he’ll pick his teammate’s over his missions every time.  
  
Alex had made her feel insecure, for some reason, and Anko had done what she thought would get rid of the brunette. Except that Kakashi had always thought his comrades had his back as much as he has theirs and now he can’t help but feel angry and betrayed.  
  
They might not understand why but they have to know that Alex is important to him and instead of respecting that Anko has done all she can to get rid of her and Genma and Asuma barely tried to stop her. Kakashi is not sure how to process that.  
  
He doesn’t know their reasons and he’s not feeling calm enough to hear them, either. So he just stands up and quelches the desire to hurt them when he sees Anko’s eyes light up with the imagined victory.  
  
“Leave.” Kakashi can see the surprise in them as he turns to follow Alex back to her room.  
  
He finds her sitting on her bed, hands covering her face and Kakashi moves to sit behind her and pull her to him. He has given up pretty much everything for the village. He has bled and cried but kept going anyway. This he refuses to give up.  
  
She startles and Kakashi realizes for the first time that Alex had been scared of him leaving too. It surprises him. Maybe it shouldn't but it does. It makes him feel a little more settled too. It's proof that he's wanted and not only tolerated.  
  
He has been so sure that she will get tired of him or disappointed in him sooner or later, it had never occurred to him that she might be scared of him leaving as well. So he pulls her to him and they hold each other like that for a bit, both more than a little full of too much adrenaline to sleep.  
  
She turns to cling to him, her face on his chest and Kakashi tightens his hold when he smells the salt of her tears. There's still anger in him but this is not the moment to let it lose. Alex doesn't need that, the mission doesn't need it either. Kakashi will push it down and deal with it when he can.  


* * *

  
  
Asuma sighs as they all sit frozen where they are. He saw this coming, he really did. Anko had refused to listen, though. She had been so sure that Kakashi will get rid of Alexandra as soon as the woman turned on them but Asuma had seen the worry on him as soon as the brunette started pulling back.  
  
Kakashi has been going out of his way to keep the woman safe, Asuma had known Kakashi would notice the manipulation and react accordingly. Anko would not listen to reason, though. It's difficult to get Anko to change her mind once she's fixated on something.  
  
Genma and he himself had been so done with it that they hadn’t wanted to get involved, they had interfered as little as possible. They have just been going through the motions. Going by Genma’s grimace, his friend was regretting it as much as he did now.  
  
Anko looked stricken and to be quite frank, Asuma did not feel like consoling her even when normally he would have. This was going to be a mess but a mission was not the right set-up for personal problems to be dealt with. The report on this was going to be hell to write.  
  
They’d have to control Anko’s temper so that things could be completed on an acceptable basis. They could deal with the emotional fall-out once they were back at the village. He had a feeling Kakashi wouldn’t really want to listen, anyway. Not right now at least.  
  
With any luck that would change as time went on. It is better to give the man some space. The woman too, for that matter. Kakashi would not be forgiving if they went to her behind his back. He doubted that she would be welcoming to any of them any time soon anyway. What a mess.


	10. Risk and reward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team has their first mission :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

They end up staying in bed for a long while but neither of them feels like moving.  
  
“I really should be studying right now,” Alex tells him but Kakashi doesn't slack his hold and she doesn't even try to pull back. He thinks she should sleep, she's been exhausted lately. And maybe eat some.  
  
Kakashi’s instincts have been going crazy, there have been less touch between them which means she smells less like him than she used to. Kakashi wants to fix that. He's not sure about telling her that, though. His instincts are something he had kept quiet and under control for so long that he's no longer sure how to go about handling them or how to explain them without making them sound weird.  
  
Alex sighs against him but she doesn't move. "Just tell me Kakashi, I can feel your over-thinking.”  
  
Kakashi pulls a face at that but doesn't complain. He just takes a while before he decides on how to explain himself. “You don't smell much like me anymore.”  
  
Alex hums at him but she snuggles a little closer. “Does it bother you?” She doesn't bother asking him why that is, they both know.  
  
Kakashi nods at her in response.  
  
She hums at him. “Ok. How do we fix that?”  
  
Kakashi thinks about it for a second. He pulls back to give himself space and she huffs at him, annoyed. Kakashi takes off his shirt and offers it to her. She smiles at him, a little amused. She changes in the bathroom and Kakashi waits for her on the bed. The shirt is still ridiculously big on her but the strength of his smell on her calms him down.  
  
He'll like the smell of her on him to increase too but that'll take more time. There's no way her clothes would fit him, after all.  
  
When she comes back, she pulls him out of the bed. “Come on. If I'm not studying today, we might as well binge-watch something.”  
  
Kakashi lets himself be pulled around. They end up curled up on the couch and she doesn't complain when he pulls her on his lap, her head under his chin.  
  
She pulls his arms around her and Kakashi doesn't complain when she picks a show for them to watch. The intro isn't over yet when she's pulling his hand up and kisses his palm.  
  
“I missed you.” She tells him.  
  
Kakashi answers by kissing the top of her head. “Missed you too.”  
  
Alex inhales sharply and Kakashi lets his hand rest on her neck for a second before letting it drop back around her waist.  
  
“I'm sorry, you know? I didn't mean to cause drama with your team. I know they're important to you.”  
  
Kakashi holds her tighter and does his best not to let his anger show. Alex hadn't really had a choice. Anko knows her speciality well.  
  
“They crossed a line. You did the right thing.”  
  
She slumps against him and Kakashi covers her as best he can with the blanket she always leaves on the couch. They're both a little angry, a little scared and a little clingy. It's ok, it's fine. They can get through this.  
  
Pakkun and Bull lay together on the floor. Kakashi thinks this is better, they hadn't had the apartment for themselves in a while and the lack of tension is refreshing. She's still going to have to continue studying after this day but with the tension gone, maybe she won't get as fixated on it as she's been until now.  
  


* * *

  
  
It's still a difficult week. Kakashi still has to work with his team so they can get the Intel they need in order to get back to the village and Alex still had finals to deal with. Which means that although the tension is gone, their time together is still very much limited. It goes by ridiculously quickly with how much they both need to get done, though.  
  
Kakashi comes back to the apartment to find Alex asleep on the floor and he sighs in exasperation. She's using Bull as a pillow and Pakkun is nestled next to her hip, his head using her stomach as a head-rest. Kakashi feels almost like rolling his eyes. Pakkun and Bull open their eyes as soon as he makes his way into the room.  
  
Neither of them moves. Alex doesn't even twitch. She did have the last exam today, Kakashi just hadn’t expected her to just fall asleep on the floor, though. Maybe he should have. Kakashi can feel Genma's hesitation as his teammate walks behind him. Kakashi ignores him as he kneels to pick Alex up. He'll leave her on the bed.  
  
She startles when he touches her, though. “Kashi?” She mumbles, her voice thick with sleep.  
  
Kakashi hums back at her while he moves her so he can pick her up comfortably.  
  
“I think I got the sixth question wrong.” She tells him.  
  
Kakashi makes a questioning sound. Alex is already back asleep, though, so he doesn't get an answer.  
  
Kakashi is not surprised. It will be fine, however. Kakashi knows the tiredness that comes from working non-stop for days, Alex will be fine after sleeping it off for a while. Genma doesn’t follow him all the way to the bedroom, Bull and Pakkun do. Kakashi leaves her on the bed with a blanket on top and both dogs snuggle close to her.  
  
His relationship with the team hasn’t lost its tenseness but Kakashi can be professional. He’ll get the mission done and he will lead them all the way through it. It won’t be a problem. Asuma and Genma behave like they’re waiting for the other shoe to drop and Kakashi can understand that. There’s only so much they can do and Anko is rearing up for a fight. Kakashi can tell and obviously, Asuma and Genma can as well.  
  
It’s not ideal but Kakashi has managed harder missions on harder circumstances. They already have all the intel they need to move along with their plan. All they have to do now is execute it. The rest of the Intel will have to wait. Of course, that is easier said than done. Seal masters are tricky even when they’re nowhere near the level of Jiraiya of the Sannin. It won’t pay to let the man come up with a plan or escape.  
  
They need to hit fast and hard. Shisui’s Sharingan would have been useful in this situation but Shisui is long dead. Kakashi’s Sharingan doesn’t have the same abilities but he still will be able to get the job done, if with more effort and a bit sloppier. It will still do. Kakashi only needs a good opening.  
  
When Kakashi comes back to the living room, Genma is still standing where he left him and still looking uncomfortable. Kakashi feels like sighing but he's not ready for this conversation so he says nothing and gestures Genma to the kitchen. The man works in silence.  
  
“She won't be happy if she wakes up to find me here,” Genma tells him.  
  
Kakashi doesn't bother to answer.  
  
They both know it to be the truth, it's not like Kakashi is pleased about it either but they're going to need this poison for their plan to work. Kakashi is hoping that Alex doesn't wake before they're done. It'd be better to tell her after the fact so she wouldn't have to worry over it. It doesn't sit well with him either way.  
  
No matter. It's better that she's asleep, safe in her bed than awake and wandering about. She might stay in if Kakashi asks it of her but there's much he's not meant to tell so he's at a loss on how to explain. Kakashi knows that Alex is growing annoyed at his refusal to answer her questions but Kakashi can't answer them yet.  
  
There’re many things hanging on this plan working right, it all depends. He'll give her the answers as soon as he’s sure of what he will do. There are things Kakashi knows she'll ask about that the Hokage won't be pleased if a civilian is told. Kakashi needs to know how much he can share.  
  
It takes longer than Kakashi would have liked but some things can't be rushed. Still, they leave the apartment with more than enough poison and Alex very much asleep on her bed. With any luck, she'll sleep the day and night away. Kakashi and Genma speed their way through the woods so they can meet the time on site.  
  
By the time that they make it to the site, the ambush is ready to go. They only have to wait for the target to make his routine walk around the grounds. A walk Kakashi knows to be a mix between a patrol and an excuse to stretch his legs.  
  
The fact that the man travels this way regularly means he knows this part of the woods well and more than likely has the place trapped. That means, in turn, that Kakashi's team can't afford a mistake. It's not ideal but it's the only opening they have. They're going to take it.  
  
It takes about 20 minutes of his team standing as still as a statue but sure enough, the target makes his way to the ambush site. Kakashi can almost feel the anticipation on the back of his throat. No one moves as their target makes his way to them, all of them watching impassively.  
  
His team works like a well-oiled machine. As soon as the target is in position Anko and Asuma are dropping to the ground, coordinated attacks carefully herding the missing ninja where they need him. Before they even touch soil, Genma is letting the poisoned senbon fly using Anko’s and Asuma’s attacks as a cover. Kakashi cuts any escape routes as soon as the target so much as looks at them.  
  
They need to capture the missing ninja alive and in good enough condition to be useful for interrogation. The man is good at dodging but Kakashi knows the battle of attrition is on his team’s favour as long as they can keep the target contained in the area they prepared.  
  
Anko goes low, swiping at the target's legs with a kunai. The target jumps back, black eyes flashing and face twisted on a snarl. When he goes to take advantage of Anko’s position, Asuma is there, pushing the man back, short burnt-blonde hair strands falling to the ground when the target failed to duck fast enough, small cuts showing up all over the man’s body.  
  
A seal flares to life and Asuma goes down with a shout. Genma provides cover so that Kakashi can drag their teammate out of the direct combat zone. The target takes advantage of the opening.  
  
Genma and Anko give chase, Kakashi follows after leaving some of his dogs to protect Asuma. The trail is not hard to follow, the target is clumsy with the effects of the poison slowly taking their toll. There are broken branches with pieces of fabric caught in them every now and then.  
  
Knowing that the target is more than likely leading them to traps, Kakashi, Anko and Genma run with as a great distance between them as they dare. Kakashi’s Sharingan is open, tomoe spinning, looking for the seals they know to be hidden on their path. His hand a blur as he signals to his team which places to avoid.  
  
They catch the target almost at the edge of the forest. It might not be full of Hashirama’s trees but it’s still far more familiar to a Leaf ninja than to one from Rock. More experience travelling in this kind of surroundings gives them the advantage they need to close in and bring down the target.  
  
The team meets up with Asuma and Kakashi’s pack on the site the rest of the team is using as a base. Asuma’s shirt has the front burnt off from the small explosion caused by the seal. The skin is badly burnt with dark edges and still bleeding. A small portion of the tension on Kakashi’s shoulders eases as he realizes the injury is not life threatening even if it looks to be incredibly painful.  
  
Kakashi makes sure to secure the prisoner properly, it won’t do to have gone through all this effort to capture the man and then having him escape. His pack is taking care of ensuring the perimeter of the camp is safe, they will keep watch as well. He makes his way to the rest of the team. Genma is taking care of Asuma’s wound and Anko is looking for more supplies on the camp. Kakashi can feel his lips tighten.  
  
It’s not as bad as it could have been but Kakashi still would’ve prefered no injuries. A part of him is already deliberating the pros and cons of simply taking his team back to the apartment for the night.  
  
Alex won’t be pleased but she’ll let them stay the night and Kakashi is sure she’ll allow Asuma to stay until the man is feeling better. He takes his phone from one of the pockets of his vest and ignores the looks the rest of the team is sending him. Kakashi’s mind is halfway in mission mode, halfway in damage control.  
  
He has two missed calls and a text asking to call back when he has the time. Kakashi returns the calls.  
  
Alex answers him two rings in. “Kakashi, where are you?”  
  
Kakashi catches the signal his dogs give him for the all clear. He nods.  
  
“With the team. I need your help, can you check what we have on the medicine cabinet?”  
  
There are some shuffling noises on the other side of the line before she answers. “We’ve got some gauze, alcohol, my migraine pills and capsules, band-aids and the fever medication.”  
  
That’s not good enough and something in his silence must have told her that because she follows after a second with a question.  
  
“What else do you need? I’ll go get it.” There’s a bit of worry on her voice but she’s not asking questions instead of concentrating on the issue. For that, Kakashi’s thankful.  
  
“We need something for burns, to stave off the infection and help with the pain. And bandages.”  
  
There’s a beat on silence and then she answers: “On it. Do you have your keys on you or do I leave the door unlocked?”  
  
Kakashi can hear her picking up what she needs as she prepares to leave. He checks just in case. “I have them on me.”  
  
She hums. “Alright. Love you, take care.”  
  
She hangs up.  
  
Kakashi almost dismisses the pack but he changes his mind. He’ll leave them on the camp just to make sure it doesn’t get trespassed into. He signals for his team to follow him as he pockets his phone back on his vest. Genma hoists Asuma on his back and they all ignore the hiss of pain that escapes their teammate. Overly worrying about it helps no one. Kakashi makes sure to let his gaze fall on Anko, heavy with warning.  
  
He won’t be letting his team suffer more than necessary when he can change the circumstances but that doesn’t mean he won’t be keeping them on a short leash as well. At least when it comes to their interactions with Alex. This way Anko knows he won’t let her shit go if she’s tempted to continue her psychological warfare campaign.  
  
There’s anger on the woman’s gaze but she drops her gaze to the ground and that’s enough for Kakashi at the moment. He takes point and his team follows with Genma carrying Asuma on the centre and Anko taking the rear to keep their backs safe. They make good time to get to the apartment.  
  
Genma helps Asuma to the couch and Kakashi closes the door behind Anko. Alex is not back yet but it shouldn’t take much longer. He still texts her that the team is in the apartment and Alex answers after a little while that she’s already on her way back.  
  
Kakashi shakes the snow from his hair with one hand and opens the door with the other as he hears Alex looking for her keys outside. He moves back to give her enough space to come inside and manoeuver. Kakashi can feel his mouth twitching into a smile as she starts the long process of taking off her “winter clothes”. Too much fabric for someone so tiny.  
  


* * *

  
  
Alex startles as the door opens before she can fish her keys from her pocket but then she makes her way inside because of course, Kakashi could hear her there. Sometimes Kakashi’s ears and nose are scary, other times it’s adorable.  
  
He has this tendency of tilting his head to the side when he’s trying to listen to something that reminds her of curious puppies. Kakashi still can’t figure out why she finds it that adorable and she will forever keep the picture she took of him just like that.  
  
Kakashi lets her take off the multiple layers of clothes she has on her to stave off the cold, her boots already discarded by the wall next to the door. She’s leaving the coat on the hanger when she feels his hands on her hips, pulling her to him. Alex turns around so she can hug him even as he bends so she can kiss his cheek in greeting.  
  
“Your gloves are freezing.” She complains to him even as she soaks up the warmth of him.  
  
Kakashi snorts at her. “It’s revenge for your ice-cold feet.” He deadpans.  
  
Alex smiles even as she pulls back enough to look at his face. “You ok?”  
  
He nods and she lets herself be pulled further inside the apartment.  
  
She had known, of course, that his team is back on the apartment, Kakashi had told her as much. Not that she hadn’t already guessed what was going to happen as soon as he asked for the contents of the medicine cabinet. It’s still not a good feeling to see them back on the living room. This is not how she had expected to begin her holiday season but that’s alright. She’ll survive.  
  
Kakashi takes the bag from her and gives it to the guy with a needle on his mouth. A part of her is surprised to remember that she still doesn’t know the dude’s name. Well, it’s not that much of a shock if one considers how much effort both of them put into not having to interact with one another. The smoker, Asuma, is laying on the couch looking like the pain is the only thing on his mind. The needle-man is kneeling beside him, taking care of his wound.  
  
Alex winces at it because that looks painful but she doesn’t come closer to them. She’s not exactly trained to deal with something like that. Still, blood makes her nervous. At least blood that is not hers. She pulls her hands inside of the big pocket of her hoodie and does her best to look nowhere near the blood. Kakashi pulls lightly on her ponytail to get her attention and she just shakes her head at him but kisses the part of his arm closest to her when he looks unconvinced.  
  
Anko speaks and Alex finds herself almost startled by the fact it isn’t bitting or insulting. Only a statement of fact. “Interrogation will have to wait for at least 8 to 10 hours.”  
  
When Alex turns to look at what the purple-haired woman means, she finds herself blinking numbly at a somewhat short man with burnt blond hair and pale skin. The man is lying on her floor, bleeding and covered in bruises.  
  
For some idiotic reason, Alex first thought is “well, at least he’s not dead”. Thankfully, she doesn’t say it out loud. Instead, Alex turns to her friend and asks for an explanation: “Kakashi?”  
  
He looks at her but instead of answering he makes a show of looking at Asuma’s condition before blandly informing the rest of his team that he’s almost out of chakra. Which would be great to know, if Alex knew what the hell that meant.  
  
She bites her tongue, though, as he pulls her back to him and she allows herself to rest her back on his side. She’ll let him deal with his team first but he’s got another thing coming if he thinks he can get away without answering this time. But still, there’s a time and a place for every single thing and this? This is not the time for this. Alex thinks he knows that because Kakashi sighs into her hair.  
  
“Alright, Captain, Anko and I can take watch duty. You should rest.” Needle-man informs the room at large.  
  
Captain, huh? Alex is so going to tease him over it.  
  
Still, as much as she wants her answers when Kakashi tries to pull her to the bedroom, she pinches his hip. “Food, Kakashi. You guys should eat something.” Her voice is quiet enough that Kakashi knows it’s meant for him but loud enough that the entire team listens. Kakashi’s expression is so put-upon that she laughs at him. Regardless, he lets himself be pulled as she drags him to the kitchen.  
  
He doesn’t let her push him into eating more than a couple of fruits but he concedes on her warming up some leftovers for the rest of his team. Food is important. She leaves it on the breakfast table where she knows they can see and only then does she allow herself to be pulled into the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this way the dialogue is easier to understand.  
> Is it making the chapters too long?  
> I hope not, it's more or less the same word count.


	11. Fumbling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pakkun judges everyone.   
> Kakashi and Alex have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Alex waits until they’re both comfortable under the blankets, her body as far away from the door as Kakashi can make it and halfway under him. She lets him go when he gets out of bed and doesn’t say a thing as she watches him fiddle with the traps he convinced her to let him put on her room. Bull and Pakkun watch it all by the footboard.   
  
Still, she has told him nothing on alarm systems for homes. With her luck, he'll insist on it and she really can't afford them. It'd probably stress him out to know that there are even more security measures he could take but won't be able to. Maybe she could buy one of those little cameras that activate with movement.   
  
Alex doesn’t even try to disguise her shiver as he makes a final round of trap-checking. Damn him and his always-there warmth. She’s gotten used to sleeping with him being a nice furnace next to her so there are fewer blankets on the bed and now he’s taking too damn long to get back to it. She shivers more when he pulls back the blankets so he can get in and she cuddles up to him as soon as he stops moving.   
  
Alex takes a second to appreciate how warm and comfortable she is before demanding: “Start speaking, Kashi.”  
  
He sighs, all put-upon, and she pinches the skin beneath her hand in punishment. He flinches slightly back. Good.  
  
This is why she let her nails lengthen even if it takes more effort to keep them tidy. It’s a useful motivation tactic. Pakkun finds it hilarious. She waits until the arm surrounding her better pulls her under him and she resists the urge to smile in victory even as she pets his sides with the tips of her fingers.   
  
Good. She deserves her answers, she’s been patient enough. She can still feel the hesitation in him, though. However, there's a bloodied man passed out in her living room. A man who she's pretty sure Kakashi and his team kidnapped and then happily proceeded to take to her place.   
  
Alex knows Kakashi and so she's sure that whatever reason he had to kidnap someone it's a good one. That doesn’t mean, though, that she’s content to let all of this run its course in ignorance. Like it or not, Kakashi involved her the moment he brought the man to her place. She must rather not be an ignorant bystander.   
  
“That’s the target,” Kakashi tells her, Alex hums at him and waits. Except time comes and goes and Kakashi doesn’t deign himself to further explain.   
  
Alex feels like rolling her eyes but limits herself to pinch him again and say his name in a warning tone. Kakashi hides his face against her neck and Alex does actually roll her eyes this time. “I’m serious Kakashi, I want to know what’s going on.”  
  
There must be something on her voice that tells him just how done she’s with being accommodating when it comes to this matter because Kakashi’s sigh is resigned this time. He pulls back and Alex lets him go so he can settle with his back against the wall, both legs flat on the bed.   
  
Alex sits up as well even if she throws him a dirty look first for making her leave her nest of warmth. She settles cross-legged on the space within his knees, one hand used like a stand for her chin and the other resting on her leg.  
  
Kakashi looks dishevelled and Alex feels the urge to comfort him but right now is not the right time and she very much doubts that Kakashi would welcome it at the moment anyway. Still, it's surprisingly hard not to reach for him.  
  
He still has his mask on which Alex has come to simply accept as one of these Kakashi things that make no sense but make Kakashi who he is. The headband rests on the night table beside the bed and he’s keeping his left eye closed, as usual. She can’t exactly pinpoint what it is about him that makes him look exhausted but he does.  
  
Alex promises herself that she’ll make something nice for breakfast or something so he’ll have a nice start of the day tomorrow. Today is already a lost cause. Kakashi’s gaze rests on her for a couple of seconds before he turns his head to look at the ceiling. Alex can feel the worry creep back but she presses her lips together and she very consciously doesn’t give him an out. Alex won’t allow either of them to take the easy way out this time around.   
  
She knows she will be getting her answers so Alex stops pushing. She lets him think about what he’s going to say and how he’s going to say it. The clock ticks on the background and both of them ignore it, none of them makes a move when Pakkun lays himself on Kakashi’s lap either.  
  
“I’m bad at this kind of talks," Kakashi confesses after a while, a little of frustration in his voice and Alex can’t help the smile that pulls at her lips because she can absolutely relate.   
  
She’s terrible at being on his side of the situation as well. So she resigns herself to what’s going to happen and proposes her idea. “I’ll make you a deal.”  
  
Kakashi only raises his eyebrow at her but he’s looking at her again instead of looking at the ceiling and that is progress. Good enough, at least.  
  
“I answer one question of yours and you answer one of mine. That way it’ll be less like an interrogation, I think.” She shrugs, a little uncomfortable.  
  
Kakashi nods and waits until Bull cuddles up to her, head on her lap and uncaring of Kakashi’s leg getting squished under him. Now they both look like running is something they’ll definitely pull.   
  
Maybe that’s why Pakkun and Bull made it a point to lay over them, she’s onto their sneaky tactics. Alex approves, even if it’s a little annoying. Well, misery likes company, they say.   
  
Kakashi doesn’t give her the chance of settling down her nerves before he’s asking his question. “Why did your sister try to kill herself?”  
  
Damn him. Straight to the gut. Alex closes her eyes both in an effort to keep her emotions in cheek and as a way to wrestle out of the mess an appropriate answer. “She didn’t, in a way. Daniela never means to die, not really. It’s a strange mixture of a cry for help and attention and a manipulation tactic.” Alex takes a deep breath and looks at Kakashi who has resolved to observe the ceiling again. Pakkun radiates silent judgment on them both. Bull is her favourite now.   
  
She wants to know who the guy in her living room is and why did they kidnap him but… “What is chakra exhaustion and why do you have it?”   
  
Some things are more important.  
  
“That’s more than one question,” Kakashi tells her and Alex deadpans hard.   
  
He’s relieved by the question anyway, she can tell.   
  
“Chakra exhaustion is what happens when one uses too much chakra.” Alex almost makes a sarcastic comment but Kakashi continues on before she can. “It makes the one that suffers it tired and lethargic until he or she has regained enough chakra. If it’s significant enough, it can lead to loss of consciousness but it’s not dangerous enough to be lethal. You pass out first.”  
  
Well, it’s not like she was trying to hide why she wanted to know. When Kakashi doesn’t continue explaining, she pinches his leg. Kakashi sighs but answers the second part anyway. “I used the Sharingan too much.”  
  
Alex stops the reflexive question that comment causes. The how can wait until later, she’s sure. The why, the what and the consequences are the only short term problems there.  
  
“Why do you think your sister’s suicide attempts were manipulation or attention seeking tactics?” His voice is so neutral that she can't tell what he thinks about it.  
  
Alex had known that Kakashi wouldn’t leave that matter alone, she had known what it would mean to offer to deal with things this way.   
  
That doesn’t stop it from hurting, though, from bringing bad memories to the surface. “That was the opinion of both the psychologist and psychiatrist.” She answers short and to the point. “Why did you kidnap that man?”  
  
He doesn’t seem particularly bothered by that question. “He has information we need to get back to the village.”  
  
There’s a part of Alex that almost reflexively rejects the idea. She’d rather not lose this weird friendship that they have going on. She doesn’t voice that, though. She’ll respect his choice. They’re his choices to make, not hers. Her job is to support him if he needs it, not go around telling him what he can or can’t do.  
  
“You resent that.” He tells her and Alex doesn't bother to comment. That wasn’t a question, it was a statement. She waits until he clarifies what he wants to understand.  
  
“Why?” He finally asks.   
  
Alex sighs. That’s such a loaded question, a hard one too. It’s a jumble of feelings, so hard to explain especially because she herself is not always sure what she feels about it overall. Alex moves to drag her hands along her hair before she remembers that her hair is braided so she really can’t. Damn braid.  
  
“That's complicated. A part of me resents that there are all these things we all had to sacrifice and she took it all as her dues. She didn't even try to take advantage of all the opportunities she had to get better. Still does.” She answers. Alex shrugs her shoulders even as she feels her body curling in on itself. She forces herself to stop, to make her body language more open and calm.   
  
“Another part of me resents how much she hurt the family as a whole. How it strained all our relationships, how the stress broke all of us down at one point or another. But more than anything else, I think it’s regret.” Alex tells him. For some reason, it feels like a confession, even if she has already talked to her psychologist about it. It still feels wrong to say it out loud.   
  
“I wish I was strong enough to maybe carry her weight even when she doesn’t give two shits about herself. I wish I was strong enough to stay invested and be able to support her through it. But I’m not. Family was meant to be always my first priority and I hate that she has made it so that she’s the one hurting the rest of the family.” She really would rather stop talking about it. But Kakashi and her need to start communicating better.   
  
“It’s a mess and I think a part of me has never forgiven myself for not being strong enough not to cut the connection. I love her, I still do. But I can’t deal with her so I don’t.” She tells him with another shrug. A part of her expects him to judge her for that, she expects him to tell her how family comes first, how love is unconditional and she should have stayed even if it meant sacrificing herself. He doesn’t. He just listens as she talks, her gaze on Bull’s body lying next to her.   
  
“I live my life and do my best to have as little interaction with her as possible because even when she promises that this time it will be different, well, it isn’t. I’ve heard that song and dance way too many times before to trust it. So I just wish her the best and let it go. I’m done even if it makes me sad that it has come down to this.” She concludes. There’s silence after that but Alex refuses to take her eyes away from Bull, she just busies her hands by petting his flank.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Kakashi says after a while.  
  
Alex lifts her gaze up to him long enough to smile, a little sad and a little thankful. “Not your apology to make. But thank you.” Alex knows she’s meant to ask her question but she’s maybe a little too overwhelmed with this emotional conversation to voice it.   
  
Thankfully, Kakashi starts speaking without her input after a while. “We were sent after Fudan of Mist by the Hokage. Mist and Rock destroyed Whirlpool as a preventive action at the beginning of the Second Ninja World War. Fudan has learnt Sealing Arts from the scrolls stolen during the destruction which makes his existence an insult to the Leaf. As such, he couldn’t be allowed to live.” Kakashi explains to her.  
  
“Letting a Seal Master prepare is a terrible idea so we set up an ambush. Except he realized in time we were after him, whether it was a mistake on our part or something else, that we don’t know. He somehow transported all of us here, I’m not sure how I ended up in your couch in the first place.” Kakashi tells her, his gaze is once again firmly on the ceiling.   
  
“Since we have no idea how we came to be here, we have no idea how to return to the Leaf either. My team and I have been scouting but we have yet to find any indication of where this place is in relation to the Leaf. We captured him because we need the information.” Kakashi goes quiet after that.  
  
Alex is not sure she knows what to say because apparently Kakashi is from a place called the Leaf and was actively hunting a man to kill him because he insulted the place by touching what he shouldn’t have.   
  
Alex had known, of course, that Kakashi is military of some kind. It’s still surprisingly easy to imagine the man on a hunt. Kakashi can be adorable and dorky but there’s still this air around him that screams predator. Like those wolves that sometimes make the news because they showed up in somebody’s backyard and decided to play with the dogs instead of killing them. Beautiful and adorable but still so very deadly.   
  
A part of her wonders if that's why he loves placing his hand on her throat so much. It can't be easy to be a ninja and allow someone close to a place as vulnerable as the throat is. Maybe he likes the trust it implies or maybe he likes the feeling. It doesn't really matter, she doesn't mind. It had simply made her curious.   
  
There are many questions that Alex could make now but she decides to let Kakashi choose how much more of this emotional talk he can handle. So she asks something benign instead. “Is it normal where you’re from?” Alex points at her own nose so he knows what she's talking about. Kakashi looks so unimpressed that she bites her tongue to avoid laughing.   
  
He answers anyway. “In a way. It's a clan ability and some trackers can improve their sense of smell with chakra. Most simply don't bother. The Inuzuka Clan has the ability as well but my nose is stronger.”   
  
Alex can't help the teasing in her expression. He sounds so proud, it's both funny and cute. Kakashi rolls his eye at her and she realizes she's contaminated him with her eye-rolling. He gets serious again before she can comment, though.  
  
“The Inuzuka Clan has bonded with dogs for generations. It's what gives them the enhanced senses and other abilities. As well as instincts. I'm from the Hatake Clan who have done the same with wolves. Sometimes I think that the clan had been so small for so long that most forget what that means.” Bull lifts his head at that, something mournful on the way he moves as he makes his way to Kakashi's side.  
  
Alex doesn't ask, she knows what Kakashi is implying. She won't make him spell it out if he doesn't want to. There's still a question on the back of her throat because Kakashi said his clan bonds with wolves but Kakashi's pack consists of dogs and that makes no sense. She knows a landmine when she sees one, though.  
  
“Come here,” Kakashi remarks without taking his gaze from the ceiling.  
  
Alex goes.  
  
Kakashi has one hand on Bull's flank and the other splayed along her back, Pakkun squished between them. “We're pack.” He states and it's almost a whisper. It feels private like it's meant for only them to hear.   
  
It feels so right as well so Alex nods with her head beneath his chin and answers him with a “yes” muffled by his shirt. It's quiet and hopeful and it settles around them both like a promise.  
  
“They hear Kakashi Hatake and all they really pay attention to is Kakashi of the Sharingan.” Kakashi murmurs, voice still quiet but so very sad instead. “They forget the Hatake part or maybe they don't know what it means and those who know are mostly wary of it.”  
  
Alex can hear the “so I keep it under control” that he doesn't voice and a part of her is furious because of it. She knows what it's like to pretend to be someone you're not so you can try and comfort to others expectations of who you're supposed to be. Of how you should be in their minds. She knows how miserable it can make you and how hard it makes it to be able to simply accept who you are even to yourself. And she doesn’t want that for Kakashi because he deserves so much better.  
  
Words are still not her forte but maybe words are not what's needed this time. She moves until he can hold his gaze, her hands on his cheeks and smiles at him. Small and vulnerable and hopeful, maybe a little teary-eyed but he seems to understand because he pulls forward.   
  
There's caress from the bottom of her chin all the way to her ear, he's following the edge of her jaw with his nose, and then a kiss right on top of the pulse on her neck. Like a strange version of an Eskimo kiss. Alex shivers at the cold of his skin but bares her throat readily enough for his hand and kisses his thumb when it settles over her lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finally, Kakashi and Alex have the talk!


	12. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little soul searching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Alex wakes up and there's no Kakashi on the bed. She sighs against the pillow. She might be done with this semester but she still has to work on Monday and Alex had been hoping for a relaxing day in with Kakashi. Still, Alex is not awake enough yet to feel anything more than a slight annoyance. It takes her a while but eventually she gets the motivation to get out of bed.  
  
Pakkun grumbles at her for dislodging him from his position on the small of her back but he's cuddling up to Bull a second later so she ignores it. Alex picks a warm blanket from the floor, it must have fallen at some point of the night and goes to look for Kakashi wearing it like a cape. She ignores how the edges of the blanket drag on the floor.  
  
She finds him sitting by the kitchen table, eating breakfast. He's always getting up so early. It's disgusting. Kakashi makes space for her when she gets closer and that's nice. Alex still grumbles at him out of principle even as she settles next to him with her head on his shoulder.  
  
Alex is almost asleep again when Kakashi moves her and she whines at him. The metal of his gloves is cold against her skin. But then she’s on his lap, all warm and comfortable so Alex grumbles a little more but kisses the skin next to her mouth and then she does her best to play dead. Hoping that if she stays still long enough, she'll fall asleep again.  
  
Alex is somewhat aware of the movement and conversation happening all around her but she's not awake enough to care and she's actively trying to stay that way. So when Kakashi starts trying to wake her up, she does her best to ignore him. Kakashi can be annoyingly persistent when he wants to be however so Alex ends up grumpy but staring somewhat surprised at her living room. She's pretty sure she fell asleep by the kitchen.  
  
When her brain is finally awake enough to process thought, she resigns herself to her fate. She still pinches his leg in retaliation.  
  
“You weren't in bed,” Alex knows she's complaining over dumb things. Still, she had really been looking forward to a slow day in with him after the finals. And she has gotten used to Kakashi simply reading something and acting as a pillow while she dozes.  
  
Kakashi only hums at her, though. And Alex catches a glimpse of the “target”. Right. Ongoing kidnappings and slow relaxing days might not be the best combination. Maybe. Who knows? It's the kind of mystery mankind has not been able to solve. Alex sighs and decides that she's going to take care of her plants and have some breakfast. She'll see about the shower later.  
  
Kakashi doesn't let her stand, however. His arm around her is like steel so she turns to look at him, confused. “Kakashi?”  
  
Except Kakashi is not paying attention at all, he's immersed in the information on the papers in front of him. Alex sighs because she's hungry now and he's the one that woke her up. This is just rude. But she knows how Kakashi gets when he gets in the zone.  
  
There won't be any snapping him out of it. No way to escape the hold either and there's no Pakkun or Bull to help with bringing her stuff. How annoying. And then she remembers all that talk about wolves and instinct yesterday and she has to bite her tongue not to laugh because now all she can think off is the mama wolf on the den surrounded by unruly pups and going “nope, no one is moving outside of this circle until I say so”.  
  
Still, Alex is going to need something to do if she doesn’t want to go crazy out of boredom. She turns her head and finds the remote on the couch. The TV is right there, in front of her. It makes it the best option, especially considering that her phone is somewhere on the bedroom, the tablet is on the bathroom and there are no books within easy reach.  
  
The control is not all that far away, either. It’ll require some work but it’s doable. If she's able to reach it, she will be able to at least watch something while she waits for Kakashi to emerge out of the zone. She’ll just ignore the hunger until then. Alex turns little by little in Kakashi's hold and he allows it.  
  
So far so good. Except that no matter how far she manages to reach, she hardly manages to touch the remote itself. And even then, only with the tips of her fingers. Alex is debating different ways to reach the damn thing when a hand shows up out of nowhere and hands her the remote.  
  
Said hand, it turns out, is connected to the remaining teammate of Kakashi. He has somewhat long and messy brown hair that matches his eyes, his skin is still pale even if it's a bit tanner than Kakashi's and he still has the needle within his lips. Alex is not sure about Kakashi's team but she still has manners so she smiles at him.  
  
“Thank you,” Alex says.  
  
When he nods and then turns to look at Kakashi, she has the startling revelation that he's somewhat nervous about this meeting. She blinks in surprise and then lets the remote drop on her lap so she can extend her hand for him to shake. “Alexandra Fernandez. A pleasure.”  
  
His attempt at a shake is somewhat awkward but she ignores that.  
  
“Genma Shiranui,” he replies with an easy smile and a loose posture, body open and relaxed.  
  
Alex can feel the amusement creeping up on her because she knows the strategy, she had used it herself long before she understood why it works. This is still Kakashi's team, who are so very important to her friend even if he's angry at them, and this one is making an effort. The least she can do is meet him halfway.  
  
So Alex pats the patch of the floor next to Kakashi in a silent invitation to join her and asks him: “well then Genma, documentary or show?”  
  
Genma sits down next to Kakashi, close enough to touch but not close enough to be crowding either of them. He shrugs at her and she decides that Daredevil has waited long enough so she clicks on it.  
  
The intro is not even halfway through when she realizes something. Kakashi and his team are from someplace called Konoha and they have never heard of this part of the world. Alex has never heard of a place called Konoha, either. Which means they more than likely have no clue what Marvel is and as such, can’t possibly be ready to watch the latest season of Daredevil.  
  
Which means, of course, that they’re going to have to watch from the very beginning of season 1. It’s not necessarily bad, it’s just not good either. Whatever. It’ll take longer but it still means progress. She'll get to the third season soon enough.  
  
The first episode starts and Alex notices how Genma twitches as soon as the first fighting scene starts. She chuckles: “Yeah, yeah. That's not how fighting works but it's still cool to look at.”  
  
Genma pauses for a second before making a show of nodding and Alex smothers her laugh against Kakashi's shoulder.  
  
“Can they really do that?” Genma questions her as they watch the lawyers get Karen Page out of custody.   
  
Alex shrugs at him, she's no lawyer. She knows only what she needs to know about the law.  
  
“They got rid of all the loose ends,” Alex comments. A little uncomfortable with all the screaming blasting from the audio system.  
  
Genma nods beside her. “A little sloppy, though.”  
  
Alex blinks and after a second she remembers that these, apparently, are ninja so, of course, they would know about this sort of things. “How would you do it, then?”  
  
Genma thinks about it for a while. “It's time-sensitive so no chance to space out the assassinations but they still should have made them less obvious. Make them look like a coincidence, they’ll suspect but if they can prove nothing... Poison could've simulated infection on the prison guard, for example. The guy in jail could've died in a failed escape attempt instead of dying the exact same way they tried to kill the last witness and failed.”  
  
Alex thinks about for a second and then she nods to him. “Makes sense.”  
  
Genma sends her a look that tells her “of course it does”.  
  
She flicks his leg with her fingers and laughs when his retaliation is absentmindedly blocked by Kakashi.  
  
They're halfway through episode three, Page is facing her ex-employer's lawyer and being pressured into signing the agreement when Kakashi finally stirs. He sighs heavily and leans back. Alex turns her attention to him but she lets him get comfortable before speaking.  
  
“You weren't in bed, ” she complains, voice lowered to avoid disturbing Genma as he continues to watch the show.  
  
Kakashi only hums at her and the lethargic way he behaves tells her that he most likely was out of bed way too long before she woke up. He was exhausted enough yesterday night to afford to go sleepless but she can accept that sometimes there's too much on the mind.  
  
So Alex purses her lips and hands the control over to Genma before manhandling Kakashi back inside her room and into the bed. He's fast asleep as soon as his body touches the mattress and she stands there looking at him. Alex can feel the panic trying to take a hold of her and why wouldn't it? She has been trying to ignore the fact that there's a kidnapped man on her living room but the idea keeps trying to get a hold of her brain.  
  
She keeps waiting for the police to kick down her door and take her to jail or something. It's nerve-wracking. Alex is doing her best to hide just how terrified she is. She trusts Kakashi, of course, she does. But Alex is still way over her head. She doesn't know what she's gotten herself into and a big part of her is slowly coming to the horrifying realization that even if she knew, there's little to nothing that she could do about it.  
  
It's making her skin itch and her heart beat too fast. There's too much adrenaline running through her to be comfortable. It's a mess. But Kakashi said pack and she desperately wants what he's offering. Alex has never really fit in, always a bit too disconnected of conventional social norms for it. It means she ends up making people angry via simple misunderstanding none feel the need to clarify because “It should be obvious”.  
  
Except it isn't for her and she ends up floundering. Alex has learned to put on a mask and behave in such a way that means no-one takes a second look. She can function in society but living with a mask on means what connections she has have been superficial. Maybe Martin and his girlfriend notwithstanding. Sarah too, as much as it hurts to admit. But even with them, Alex has never been able to be simply herself in the same way she has with Kakashi.  
  
It should not be that way but it feels so right. When Kakashi said pack, the way he said it? It had made her think of family. That's how it should have been and maybe she's too bitter but she can't remember a time when it was. There's too much resentment between her and her dad. Daniela is a can of worms best left undisturbed and Paola’s constant pushiness has, ironically, only succeeded in pushing her away.  
  
Alex is tired of feeling like she will never be good enough for dear dad; exhausted at having to, for some reason, justify her every move to Paola. All the while fighting with herself because “Why can't I just fit in?”. It's too much. Alex loves her mom, with all she is. It's just that mom has come to mean long-ass conversations where her mother refuses to accept no for an answer.  
  
It's having to field the “your dad would like to talk to you” and “your sister is hurt by your refusal to answer her questions. Would it be so bad to just answer?”. But that's the same mom who used to tell her to bite her tongue and lower her gaze instead of actually standing up for herself in front of her dad, no matter what idiocy he hurls at her because it's “easier that way”. Alex has never been built for that.  
  
She doesn't even fit with her family anymore and a part of her wants to lash out. She doesn't because they don't deserve that but it just tires her out. But it does mean that she ends up avoiding all of them. It makes her feel guilty how much better that makes her feel. She knows it hurts them but it's better than talking and talking, trying to make them understand when they just won't listen anyway.  
  
Kakashi, on the other hand, had said pack and meant it and Alex knows herself well enough to recognise the desperate hope it awoke inside her. Because maybe just maybe this is where she belongs, right next to this man just as desperately lonely as herself. The friendship they share is a weird thing, unconventional and may be hard to understand. But pure and there and so very real.  
  
So Alex is taking this tiny hope and holding on to it with both hands even if it might land her in jail. Her hands still tremble and her eyes still burn but she moulds herself to Kakashi's side, she closes her eyes and forces herself to concentrate only on Kakashi's heartbeat. It doesn't take her long to recognize that sleep is not going to come. It was a long shot, to begin with. It's a combination of the fact that she already overslept, to begin with, and the nervous energy brimming under her skin.  
  
It's about 4am when she finally throws the towel in trying to pretend she has it in her to stay in bed. She opens the app on her phone she uses to keep track of her routines and plays start on the morning one. The 15-minute timer on reading starts and Alex goes back to the story she was only really pretending to read a second ago. Maybe now she will be able to actually concentrate. It doesn't work that way.  
  
Alex sighs and stands up. Kakashi doesn't even stir which is a little worrying but not all that surprising considering how exhausted he was. Watering the plants she’s still got inside is done quickly. Growing lights are a blessing. Alex skips the workout that morning. She's not feeling like it. Taking a shower on a winter morning before leaving is more hassle than it's worth but the warm is going to do wonders for her poor nerves so she goes ahead with it.  
  
By the time she's done with the rest of her morning routine, her hair is mostly dry but she blow dries it anyway. It's still winter, Christmas Eve is right around the corner and the temperature shows it. It's -3°C outside. Alex doesn't really want to go, she hates the cold but she wants all her work done before the holidays so that it won't interrupt her vacation.  
  
There's not enough money for a big dinner but she's actually looking forward to spending it with Kakashi. So she doesn't want that interrupted for work or anything else, really. Which means going to work to make sure everything is reasonably done even after everyone else is already mostly on holiday. The idea of showing up at the office in this cold all alone is not an appealing one but she'll get it done.  
  
She cleans up the kitchen and goes back to the bedroom to check on Kakashi. He's still fast asleep so Alex kisses his forehead and goes to look for Pakkun and Bull so they can leave. She writes a note for Kakashi that she leaves on the fridge so that he knows she's off to work. Both dogs follow her out the door a little grumpy and sleepy but readily enough. She smiles at them and kisses both of them on the head.  
  


* * *

  
  
Alex is staring at the numbers on the computer and trying to figure out this new mess in front of her. It makes no sense! Alex has no idea what the lady who had this job before her was thinking and it's just a mess. Alex takes a deep breath and massages her forehead with her fingers before steeling herself to continue. One mess at the time and sooner or later Alex will be done with it.  
  
The screen on her phone lights up, catching her attention, so she turns to look at it. Kakashi's name shows on the screen. Alex blinks at it dumbly before she finally processes it. She answers the call on speakerphone.  
  
“Hey Kashi, what is it?” She says as she answers. Pakkun stirs at her feet and Alex bends down to pet his flank.  
  
“Alex, did time run away from you again?” Kakashi responds.  
  
What? Alex turns to look at the clock on the computer but Kakashi beats her to it. “You have half an hour before the last train,” Kakashi informs her and there's still some amusement in his voice.  
  
The clock tells her he's right. Damn it. Alex needs to close the whole office, put everything under lock and activate the alarm systems. “I'm not going to make it,” Alex informs him.  
  
Her mind is already looking for a solution. She can't exactly spend the night here after all. Does she know someone who lives reasonably close? Alex doesn't think so. Maybe she can rent for the night in a hostel.  
  
It’d be a good option… It's going to cost a fortune, though. The holiday season is always expensive. What a mess.  
  
“Alex?”  
  
Right, Kakashi is still on the line. “Sorry Kashi, I got distracted. Look, I'm going to look for a hostel or something for the night and I'll be back home tomorrow morning.”  
  
There's some silence on the line and then: “Or I can go pick you up.”  
  
Alex blinks in confusion. “Kakashi, you're not going to make it either. Unless you mean for the both of us to stay in the hostel?”  
  
There's some movement on the other side of the line before Kakashi answers: “just trust me.”  
  
Alex just sighs before answering. “Ok. Love you. Bye!” She turns to her desk and wakes the screen once more.  
  
“You too. See you later,” Kakashi replies.  
  
Alex smiles and closes the call. She turns the computer off and stretches as she stands up. She’s going to snack on something as she waits, maybe she’ll make herself a coffee. It’ll wake her up and it has the added benefit of being warm.  
  
She ends up falling asleep with the coffee cup in her hand and her head cushioned between her arms. The table is not exactly the most comfortable but exhaustion has a way of making that easily ignored. She wakes up with a hand letting down her hair and Alex can feel the bun unravelling as she raises her head. Alex stretches as she stands up and hides her face against Kakashi's chest after he smiles at her.  
  
“Did you even remember to eat?” Kakashi questions and Alex pretends she didn't hear him because she can't remember.  
  
“She didn't. I tried biting her ankles,” Pakkun deadpans. Traitor! Alex will have her vengeance. Pakkun was supposed to be on her side. Right now, though, she only has the energy to grumble a bit.  
  
Kakashi's sigh is a little exasperated. “What am I going to do with you?”  
  
Alex feels vaguely insulted. She's a grown woman, thank you very much. It takes a while of gentle prodding and poking for her to finally be awake enough to be functional. She sends a dirty look to Pakkun from her spot on Kakashi's arms before finally straightening up. Pakkun snorts at her and she flicks his forehead. The asshole.  
  
“My coffee is gotta be cold now.” Alex laments and Kakashi snorts at her.  
  
“That's what has you worried?"  
  
Alex smiles and rolls her eyes at him. “Of course it does, we already talked about this, Kashi. Coffee is the elixir of life,” she's exclaiming in mock seriousness, eyes wide and the corner of her mouth lifted up.  
  
Kakashi smiles at her beneath his mask, forehead protector once more covering up one of his eyes.  
  
“I thought you were already on vacation,” he says to her and his tone is so light she almost misses the slight recrimination under it.   
  
She reaches for him, a small reassuring caress. “I am. I'm just making sure everything is done so that they won't interrupt our Christmas! I'm almost done. I'm pretty sure I can finish everything tomorrow.”  
  
Kakashi doesn't necessarily look pleased about it but he says nothing. He just walks in step with her as she picks up her stuff and makes a final round around the office to make sure everything is locked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, after this, plot actually starts being a thing.  
> Sorry for taking so long and happy woman's day! Go out and be your awesome selves or stay in and laze around like a boss! hahaha  
> For celebration I'm going to upload a little outtake of a scene I ended up not using on this story, have fun with that.


	13. Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Work-related problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

They end up walking around for a bit. Since Christmas is just around the corner, there are Christmas markets pretty much everywhere. Alex loves them so she dragged Kakashi with her. The last train is already gone anyway and Kakashi keeps saying to trust him on his mysterious ways of getting them both back home.

Pakkun and Bull follow not far behind. Pakkun sitting on Bull’s head, the lazy ass. Alex hasn’t forgiven him yet.

“We can decorate the day after tomorrow. Plan the meal and everything,” she tells Kakashi, already planning things out in her head. Her nose is picking up the smell of hot cocoa and her eyes are already looking for the stand.

The side eye Kakashi is sending her tells Alex that he knows well enough what she's after. Alex rolls her eyes. Well ok, he could help then. Kakashi must read her answering expression correctly because he sighs at her. She doesn't complain because he's already guiding them to the right place and she's too busy admiring the chocolate on display to be bothered by his sass levels.

There's probably way too much sugar on the concoction she bought for herself. Alex can admit that to herself. In her own mind at least, there's no way she'll give Kakashi the satisfaction of saying it out loud. They’re walking around, not really talking but enjoying the company.

They end up on a small table, which is stalling and she knows it but she really doesn’t feel like going back home just yet. This is relaxing. Even if once the sugar is out of her system, she’s probably going to drop. Kakashi knows it too if the way he’s eyeing her means something.

She rolls her eyes at him. “I needed this,” she assures him with a smile, letting her contentment seep into her voice.

Kakashi raises his eyebrow at her.

Alex returns the favour because she feels like being a little shit and won’t be answering until he asks. There’s some silence and then he sighs, all put upon. Which really, she should tell him one day that she’s onto him and his fake exasperation but for the moment she lets him continue with the illusion. He keeps looking at her, though, and after a while, she can’t help the laugh that escapes her.

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, Kashi. It’s more along the lines that it isn’t something I can do,” she lets him know.

Something in Kakashi’s gaze goes hard so fast Alex can’t help how she pulls back.

“You can’t?” His voice is quiet but as sharp as the steel she knows he keeps hidden all over him. It’s probably the first time Alex has felt unnerved by him.

Kakashi has always had the distinct undercurrent of a predator but this is the first time that a part of her is going “I might just be the prey”. Alex blinks at him, a little bewildered. But she still does her best to answer as clearly as she can because she has stumbled on some sort of mine and until she figures out what the problem is, it’s better to not make any assumptions.

“It’s not that I can’t as in I am physically incapable of it. It’s more along the lines of legally I am not allowed to do it. NDA, you know?”

Bull’s head is on her lap out of the sudden and she realizes with a start that she has no idea where Pakkun is anymore.

“NDA?” Kakashi asks.

She looks at him uncomprehending for a minute until she understands that he’s not merely confirming what she said but that he actually doesn’t understand what that is. “Non-disclosure agreement. It means legally I am not allowed to let any third party know anything of the information I’m privy to for work purposes. Unless I suspect foul play in which case I’m allowed to report it to an authority. And only an authority.”

Although Kakashi’s demeanour eases a bit, it’s still tense. Alex opens her mouth to ask but Kakashi beats her to it. “But you’re worried.” There’s no question mark on that statement but Alex can still feel the demand for information.

She presses her lips together, thinking on how to phrase things. “I’m good at my job, Kakashi. Very good at it, do you understand?” Alex waits until he nods to her words so she can continue. “I’ve got it, ok? Do you understand that?”

There’s some hesitation in him, some reluctance in answering and she can feel some irritation creeping up. Alex does her best to push it down, it’s not the moment for it. She presses her lips together as the only sign of irritation she will let show. There’s really not much she can answer, not nicely anyway. So she ends up sighing before asking: “What do you need?”

Kakashi looks at her like he knows well enough how irritating this conversation is turning up to be for her but he still shows no signs of backing off. “I would like to know more.”

Really, that man. She bites back the snap that she can feel bubbling up on the back of her throat because she just finished telling him that she can’t talk to him about it.

Alex breathes deep to calm herself down and then tries to figure out a way to tell him something without breaking the NDA. “Let’s just say that the person doing my job before me wasn’t all that good at it. There’s a lot of what she did that makes no sense. It’s been stressing me out because it’s now on me to fix it.”

Kakashi’s gaze on her tells her he’s not really done with the digging.

Unfortunately for him, she’s not going to go around bending those rules for him anymore. Her job, the integrity in which she does it. It’s important to her and as such, it’s important to her that he understands that. Understand and respect it. So she levels him with an unimpressed gaze in return and says sharply: “Kakashi, stop it.”

Kakashi looks at her, a little taken aback. Alex rarely denies him anything. That’s just how she is, she likes spoiling the people she cares about so mostly she allows him to do as he pleases. Most of the time with an indulgent smile, sometimes with a little exasperation and every now and then with actual irritation.

She almost never stops him in his tracks but on this, she’s not going to bend and Alex needs Kakashi to understand that. Alex doesn’t touch his work, all those things he goes out to do and sometimes he tells her about. She understands none on it and some of it actually makes her uncomfortable. But on that, she holds herself back and defers to him.

Simply because he’s the one with military experience, the one who was trained for all of that and so she won’t go around trying to tell him how to do his work. She still worries, of course, and he indulges her mothering with a put upon sigh but never fights her on it. Alex needs him to give her the same courtesy. She’s good at what she does, damn good at it as well. She’s proud of it.

Her work is important to her, she has plans for her future and the foundation for them need to be laid down now. So Alex works on it, block by block she builds the path that is going to take her from where she is to where she wants to be and that’s non-negotiable. She’s not about to drop everything that is important to her, everything that defines her, because Kakashi asks it of her.

She loves him, of course, she does. She just loves herself just as much. She needs Kakashi to understand that, to comprehend that like she won’t ask him to compromise himself, she won’t stand for him asking it of her. Compromise is good, in every kind of relationship, it’s necessary even. But it has a limit, there are things that can’t be negotiated on. Kakashi needs to understand that.

So she holds his gaze until he understands that she won’t be back off on this. That on this she won’t be indulging him. And when he does, when he breaks off the eye contact, she leans back a bit and bits back the sigh that threatens to escape her. Alex understands, really, that this is Kakashi’s version of mothering, that he’s simply worried and trying to protect her.

She does have a problem with the fact that Kakashi’s version of protecting her is not to stand by her side but in front of her, that he for some reason thinks that it is alright to simply take over whatever issue she might have and solve it without so much as asking for her input on all of that. It’s irritating but at the same time, she can understand that Kakashi is simply used to doing it that way. At least when civilians are involved.

Alex knows, from what Kakashi has told her, that Kakashi’s interaction with civilians is more work-oriented than anything else. Missions of protection, assassination or escort among other things. So of course, Kakashi’s line of thought would immediately follow the pattern of “civilian in danger: identify the threat and eliminate it accordingly.”

It makes sense. But this is not that kind of relationship, they’re friends, equals. And so, she needs Kakashi to learn to react accordingly. Alex doesn’t normally overly mind. She can be patient enough to learn with him how to handle this relationship, how to make a dynamic that works for both of them. All Alex needs for now is to see Kakashi willing to do the same and so far she has not been disappointed.

When Kakashi doesn’t answer, she reaches for him and he raises his hand from his lap onto the table so she can intertwine their fingers together and talks to him. “Look Kashi, I need you to trust me, ok? I know what I’m doing and I need you to understand that. And if I suspect I’m going to need help on something or if I feel something is wrong or concerning enough, I need you to trust that I will go straight to you for help. Ok?”

Kakashi doesn’t look entirely mollified by the whole thing but he still nods at her and raises both their hands to his masked lips so he can kiss the back of her palm. Alex smiles at him and startles when she feels Pakkun cold paws climbing to Bull’s head which is still in her lap.

“There you are! Where did you disappear to?” Alex asks him, a little surprised and she’s a little shocked to see the pug’s cheeks redden.

“Pakkun?” She would very much like to know what is going on. When she turns to look at Kakashi, the amused glint in his eyes tells her he knows something and finds it funny. “What is going on?” She asks to them all but Pakkun ignores the question, Kakashi is already hiding his face behind one of her comic-books and Bull can’t answer her, for obvious reasons. 

Assholes. The lot of them. It’s probably the testosterone. It has to be. There’s really no other option.

She rolls her eyes at them and stands up, dislodging Bull’s head from her lap. Alex kisses Bull’s nose when he huffs at her and flicks Pakkun’s ear with her hand. She has not forgotten how he told on her. Which reminds her that she is starving. “Come on, guys. Let’s go back. I’m starving.”

It doesn’t take long for Kakashi and the dogs to fall in step with her.

There’s a bit of silence and then: “Starving? How surprising,” Kakashi comments drily.

Alex sends him a dirty look because she’s not sure he means that she’s always hungry or because she forgot to eat. Both apply, either way. Alex doesn’t answer anyway. They walk in silence in the vague direction of a hostel that Alex saw on their way to the market.

“Alex, I was thinking…”

That’s way too perfect an opening to disregard so she doesn’t let him finish. “That’s nice, Kashi. Did it hurt?” She asks him, forcing her voice into a disinterested drawl.

He sends her a dirty look and she laughs at him.

He snorts before he answers. “Not really, no. Unlike others, I do exercise that muscle often.”

Alex bites back the grin that tries to pull her lips upward and plasters on a mock-angry expression instead. “Them’s fighting words, Kashi!” She exclaims.

Kakashi puts his hand over his chest and makes himself look scandalized. “I would never!"

Alex whirls around on him. “Of course you wouldn’t! You know better now,” she tells him, all smug.

The look he sends her is amused and she sticks her tongue out to him.

“Of course I do, it would not be fair to fight a midget.” He explains to her sagely.

She snorts. “Hobbit, Kakashi. How many times do I have to tell you? Hobbit! Which is why I eat at least seven meals a day.”

He laughs at her and she sends him a smile.

Pakkun snorts at them from his spot on Bull’s head. “I’m surrounded by idiots,” he laments drily.

Kakashi and she send a look to each other.

Silent understanding in place, Kakashi pushes Pakkun off of Bull’s head and as soon as Pakkun hits the ground, Kakashi is grabbing her and they’re off. It takes some manoeuvering but then she’s on his back, arms around his shoulders, hands clasped by his collarbone and her legs around his hips. His hands hold her legs so she won’t fall off. She laughs as Kakashi runs, uncaring for the moment of the wind hitting her face.

Pakkun and Bull are hot on their heels and Kakashi angles them so that they’re going straight to the forest. Pakkun comes out of nowhere and he almost bites Kakashi's leg.

Alex holds on harder. “Faster! They're catching up!”

Kakashi chuckles at her and holds her harder. She takes the hint and tightens her own hold. And then they're flying. Or close enough, at least.

Kakashi is jumping from place to place and Alex hides her smile against his neck. It doesn’t take long for them to reach the forest and then Kakashi is somehow up on top of the trees and still jumping. Alex is taunting Pakkun and Bull in turns, she can feel the way Kakashi’s chuckles make his chest vibrate.

It doesn’t take them that long to make it all the way to the apartment. Kakashi sneaks them in through the balcony and she sends him a faintly admonishing look but tells him nothing about doors and proper entrances. The smile he sends her tells her how much her light annoyance entertains him.

Alex huffs but still says nothing and when she catches sight of both dogs in the distance, she scrambles to close the balcony on them. She can feel Kakashi’s smugness from where she stands and she rolls her eyes at him. It surprises her, sometimes, how good she’s become at reading Kakashi’s moods and expressions based solely on body language and the small portion of his face that he leaves visible.

Maybe it shouldn’t. They spend so much time together that it’d be silly not to. But it still makes her feel good that she can. The moments that Kakashi notices how smug she feels about it are frequent but it still makes her smile. How he looks at her like he knows what he’s thinking and finds it a cross between funny and adorable against his better judgment. Alex uses that to the best of her ability sometimes.

It’s funny how he’s supposed to have this fearsome reputation but he folds like paper at Pakkun’s, Bull’s or her puppy eyes. It’s funny but most of all, it’s adorable. It makes her feel warm inside. It’s nice to know that as much as she folds for him, he does the same. Alex has always been one to jump with two feet-in in a relationship, of any kind. Most people don’t really like that, they find it intimidating.

In some cases, they take advantage of how much she’s willing to do for those she cares for. Not always willingly, either. Or knowingly. Sometimes people just get so used to what she does for them that they take it for granted or like it’s simply their dues. It makes for uncomfortable situations sometimes. Not Kakashi, though. Kakashi takes everything Alex gives him like it’s precious to him. It gives her the warmest feeling.

They end up cuddling on the couch, a YouTube video on the background but none of them are really paying attention to. Maria Paula Romo keeps on talking about the Diesel prices, Alex is listening only with half an ear. It’s already late enough that they should have gone to bed. Why they decided on the couch, Alex will never know.

“What language is this?” Kakashi asks, mostly out of the blue.

Alex has gotten used to Kakashi’s curiosity a long time ago. So she answers readily enough. “Spanish,” she knows he mostly likes more context with his answers but she’s halfway to asleep and can’t be bothered to comply. If he really cares about it, he will either wake her up or wait until she’s coherent enough to answer.

There are hands on her hair and she sighs a little at the movement of Kakashi’s fingers, it almost sends her to sleep. Except Kakashi’s still talking so she makes an effort to pay enough attention to make sense of what he’s trying to say. “How many languages do you speak?”

And oh, but she knows where this is going.

Alex sits up, her legs folded under her and her back to the backrest of the couch. Kakashi’s still laying down so she’s essentially sitting on his stomach. Kakashi looks vaguely apologetic but that’s fine, she knows how Kakashi can get and she really doesn’t mind as much as she makes it look like sometimes.

One of Kakashi’s hands finds its way to her leg and she lays hers on top of his for a second before busying herself by putting her hair up. “Well spoken? Three.”

Kakashi is silently looking at her so she elaborates. “Spanish, German and English.”

Kakashi hums at her and she can already see the gears turning in his head. So Alex just waits him out.

He’ll either reach one conclusion or several and tell her about it or he’ll ask more questions. Until he figures out the conclusion part.

“Which languages are we speaking?” He asks and she blinks at him bemusedly for a second. Except that his question makes sense, she realizes. Because they come for two places that seemingly have no contact at all and yet, here they are, speaking the same language.

It probably is named differently where he comes from. Or Kakashi and his team picked up an entirely foreign language on their own and really quickly as well.

“English,” she informs him. To the point in that one because there’s nothing to elaborate on.

Kakashi just hums. It takes a little while but soon enough, Kakashi starts talking again. “So, there should be more connection between here and the Elemental Nations one way or the other. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be speaking the same language. There are differences, of course, but it’s more in idiom than anything else. The same could be said between the Hidden Villages.” He's mostly thinking out loud. And yes, Kakashi is right on that.

“Would you teach me?” Kakashi inquires even as he tugs her back down, she makes herself comfortable grumbling about the bed being right there and how they’re going to get cold through the night because it’s winter and she’s never been good with cold. But she answers him once she’s settled anyway.

“Sure, Kashi.”

Sure enough, she wakes up halfway through the night because she’s too damn cold. Kakashi wakes as soon as she leaves the couch. He rolls his eyes at her when he makes him carry even more blankets for the bed. There are never enough blankets in winter, Kakashi knows not what he speaks.

Still, he indulges her even as the bed looks like a monstrosity when she finishes arranging both her armful of blankets and his. Poor Kakashi might be overheated but he says nothing on it and she doesn’t ask. Alex only makes herself comfortable from her position halfway under him, halfway nestled to his side.

When she wakes up, Kakashi is reading on her phone. Alex might have created a monster when she showed him how to read on the cell. For whatever reason, he enjoys reading whatever she has open on her browser at the time. He had been so disappointed when he found out she didn’t care about spoilers at all.

It takes her a while to process that he’s not wearing his mask but she’s still too sleepy to care at the moment. Not much, anyway. So Alex only pokes his cheek and hums inquiringly.

“I couldn’t breathe,” Kakashi deadpans at her.

She nods vaguely in acceptance. That makes sense. That tone is lost on her so soon after waking up.

She only grumbles a little when he moves her. Kakashi likes listening to her heart sometimes while he reads so she's gotten used to it. Alex wakes up gradually, her hand somehow moved to Kakashi's head so she starts petting him. But she’s warm and comfortable so she tries to lull herself back to sleep.

Except Kakashi is poking her side and Alex grumbles at him. He doesn’t back off, however, and she pulls a little on a silver lock of hair in admonishment. He doesn’t let her fall asleep, though, and it takes her a couple of minutes to admit defeat. She huffs at him and pushes him off so she can stand up. Kakashi goes with it.

“You’re the one who wanted to work today.”

She ignores him even as she reaches for her phone to check the weather and put on some music. She’s nice like that. It’s going to snow today, of course, it is. Ugh. Whatever, positive attitude. Alex gives her phone back to Kakashi after starting her App for her morning routine. The timer for the 15 minutes to relax starts.

She debates if she should reach for her tablet so that she can read something seeing as Kakashi is holding on to her phone but she decides against it. It’s not like she has the concentration for it, anyway. Kakashi lays his head on her lap and she starts petting him even as she decides to just lay there, her back resting on the headboard. His “I just woke up hair” is hilarious. It always is.

Kakashi’s mouth is slightly open as he reads. Huh. Kakashi has fangs. The tip of one of them is resting over his bottom lip. She thinks about it for a second and then she decides that fuck it. She’s doing it. Alex hooks one of her fingers behind it. Kakashi only grumbles at her a bit and she smiles. It’s weird how he can be so adorable sometimes and so scary in others.

Kakashi pushes his tongue against her finger for a second but she ignores it. She used to do this to her dogs back at her parent’s house and maybe it’s weird that she has decided in replicating that with Kakashi now but he doesn’t seem to mind and she has always liked doing that, for some reason.


	14. Insurance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Alex is left staring at her computer with the dawning realization that this is a worse mess than she had thought. An utter clusterfuck and she’s stuck dealing with it. But it’s gotten to the point where there really is not much she can do but accept the reality of the situation, she has exhausted all the other explanations. The thing is that she has no idea how she should go about handling things.   
  
This is going to be emotionally charged and really, most of the time she can barely handle her own feelings. She handles Kakashi’s and her friend’s feelings simply because she cares too much not to. It doesn’t mean she’s any good at it or that she’s comfortable doing it. Only that she tries her best. And really, her boss is only a professional relationship, she respects the man but she doesn’t know him well enough to navigate an emotional clusterfuck with him.   
  
How exactly is one supposed to sit down with the boss and tell him: “I’m pretty much sure that either your sister is a) very incompetent and there’s some convoluted explanation for this that I haven’t thought off yet. Or, most likely, b) she has been stealing from you for a while.” What is she supposed to do with this? It’s not very likely that both of them are in good terms, to begin with. As far as Alex knows, at least.  
  
Alex doesn’t necessarily know much about the whole sister situation, other than the fact that the lady had been fired and was none too pleased about that. She had taken a bunch of employees with her too. As far as Alex knows, the lady has started her own business in the same line of work of her brother with those employees. And now, this.   
  
The whole thing stinks and even as Alex has done her very best to try and find any sort of proof of any justification possible, of any other explanation. Well, it has been impossible to find. At this point, there’s really no other rock to turn unless Alex is willing to go into conspiracy theorist territory.  
  
It’s a delicate situation and a difficult talk to have but there’s no way around it anymore. Denisse, the woman who had this job before Alex, is not necessarily good at her job. And that’s being nice. So it had taken longer than Alex would have liked to make sense of what the hell is going on.   
  
But now there’s no more stalling, Alex has suspected this for about a month now and really, all other options have been covered already. Alex can’t keep quiet anymore. Keeping quiet at this point very much makes her complicit to the whole thing and Alex would rather not get into that mess if at all possible. Better to avoid that kind of trouble from the beginning, no matter how uncomfortable that conversation might be.   
  
It’s not like it would be the first uncomfortable conversation she would have with her boss. After all, there had been adjustments in the business she has had to recommend that had been fairly awkward. Some things can be explained by the family business aspect of the company. As sad as it is to find out, most family businesses tend to have a problem with mismanagement of money. It’s a common enough problem if not at all pleasant to deal with.   
  
They end up using it as though the company’s money belongs to the family as a whole when in reality the company’s money and the family’s money ought to be two different things. Sure, they earn money from the company but that doesn’t mean that the company should shoulder their expenses as a whole or that they can take money from the company’s accounts because they feel like it.   
  
For one, it’s not entirely legal and for two, it’s terrible for the company’s development and growth opportunities. It cripples the company and in most cases, it’s done to the detriment of the company’s employees. Which Alex happens to believe it’s just amoral all around. Some of this people are barely making enough to make ends meet and then they are told there’s no money for their check because the boss’s family decided they’d rather go on a vacation then pay what they owe.   
  
The company has obligations to its providers, employees and the government that should be taken care of and it can’t always deliver if one never knows just how much money is in the accounts due to the family simply using it for personal expenses. So when Alex saw that the company was paying for the sister’s internet, cellphone and car, among other things… Well, she hadn’t really thought nothing of it.   
  
Was it the right decision? No. But it isn’t surprising and it is rather common for employees high on the company ladder to have a company’s cell. The internet for her house and the car are a bit more dubious but still rather in the scope of possibility, especially considering the kind of company. But it’s what’s beyond that that is rising all the red flags on Alex’s head.   
  
Money moved in ways that made no sense and were not supported properly by documents, the reason listed only as “services rendered”. Which services, though? Where was the bill? The documents? The contract? It all was problematic and she wasn’t eager about having this talk but it had to be done. And the boss was already a little exasperated with her.   
  
He had shown up at the office in the morning and when he saw her on her desk, he reminded her that she was meant to be on holiday. He had told her that she should rest. Which was true, she just wants to make sure that every base is covered so that her holidays would not be disturbed by any reason.   
  
Alex sighs in exasperation, taking the folders of information, the documents that she’s found and the computer with her as she makes her way to her boss’s office. She’s just going to provide him with the information and be done with it. It’s done, after this she’s going to go back to the apartment and finally enjoy her vacation with Kakashi, Pakkun and Bull. She steps over both dogs who are napping by her chair.   
  


* * *

  
  
Alex gets the job done and forgets all about it during her vacation. Kakashi and she don’t really do anything too elaborate for Christmas. Which is not much of a surprise, her budget is already straining as it is. It doesn’t need any more strain. They cook together, a mixture of their favourite dishes. The food is a weird combination but they still have a lot of fun cooking it and eating it.   
  
Alex makes Kakashi watch a nightmare before Christmas and Kakashi rolls his eyes at her as she sings along with every song. They watch the Grinch afterwards so that Kakashi can understand why she’s been calling him that. Kakashi’s deadpan look when she tells him her new year's goal will be making his heart grow three sizes is epic.   
  
Pakkun allows himself to be dressed as Rudolph. He’s grumpy every second of it and Alex kind of wants to know what Kakashi told him or threatened him with so that the pug would allow it. She doubts Kakashi would tell her, though. So Alex is content in knowing that she can make Kakashi follow along in her dumb antics if she makes puppy eyes long enough. It was hilarious and she’s pretty sure that Kakashi took pictures.   
  
It’s all very relaxing. It makes her feel warm inside. It makes her smile. Which is why when her phone rings the morning of the 26th, she burrows closer to Bull and ignores it. Kakashi snuggles closer as well, his head pillowed on her stomach. Pakkun is laying on Bull’s other side. When it sounds again less than 5 minutes afterwards, she still makes no move to answer. Kakashi does, though.   
  
He fishes the phone from under one of the pillows and answers. A part of Alex wonders if she should feel annoyed at how he seems to not care that the phone is not his. She’s too drowsy to really care, however. And it’s not like she had minded before. It’s just that she’d rather not deal with whoever is on the line. She’s on holiday and she already sent the obligatory congratulatory messages to all those who should receive them.   
  
Calls and everything else can wait until later on the day, thank you very much. Except that Kakashi is already answering the call and Alex decides to leave him to it. Let him deal with that. She’s almost asleep when Kakashi presses the phone to her ear. Alex startles for a second and then she hears the person on the other side of the line. She barely refrains from groaning. Damn it. All she wants is to sleep.  
  
“Alexandra?” It's her boss's voice on the line.   
  
“Ja, kann ich dir bei etwas helfen?” Alex asks, trying to figure out what it is that her boss needs. She feels more than sees Kakashi actually stirring. When he tries to push himself up, she holds onto him. Silently telling him to stay as she plays with his hair.  
  
“Ich brauche die Informationen über die Versicherung.”  
  
And that finishes waking her up.   
  
What happened? There’s a part of her that’s starting to get worried. Alex finishes that conversation in automatic, her mind already going into overdrive. It could be a coincidence. She’s not sure she believes that and Alex is not about to gamble on it. She’ll assume this has something to do with the money. Safer that way.   
  
The first thing she does after logging into her accounts is not to send her boss the insurance information that he asked her for. It’s to change every single password ever typed into the computer she’s going to assume got stolen. She’s aware that Kakashi has followed her to the desk. She doesn’t mind but Alex is still thankful that he doesn’t interrupt her while she tries to do damage control.   
  
The second thing she does is to copy all the information she could salvage in multiple USBs. Only then does she send her boss the information he asked for. Alex makes note of all the documentation they’re going to need for the insurance company and starts working on it.   
  
She makes sure to tell her boss that the process has been started in the email, she sends him a copy of the documentation and asks him to send it back to her with a signature. She also asks him for a list of stolen items. The insurance company is sure to ask for it and it’s a good enough excuse to try and see if she can confirm her suspicions.   
  
What she gets back makes her groan. Damn it. They weren’t even subtle about it. Every single thing she used to get her information, to try and make sense of what she had in front of her, they took. Every single little thing and nothing more. Big ass expensive TV? No. Small but expensive gadgets? No. But folders of information that is mostly useless outside of the company, that they took. It can’t be any more obvious.   
  
Now the question is: should she voice her suspicions to her boss? It’s clear enough that the man should have noticed it. What a mess. She’s in over her head. Alex closes the computer but leaves it on her lap. What is supposed to be step number 2? The authorities? It should be. But how did they find out anyway? The only one she had told was her boss. Which of course, she really should have known better.   
  
Alex throws one arm over her eyes and regulates her breathing. Panicking serves no purpose. She needs to calm down and come up with a plan. And tell Kakashi, who is going to freak. That is one conversation she doesn't look forward to but she had given him her word and she's not about to break it simply because it's now uncomfortable.  
  
Alex doesn't move when she feels Kakashi taking the laptop off her lap. She feels Kakashi's hands on her thighs and she only takes a deep breath, forcing herself to remain still because she's not sure if she will be able to stop once she starts moving.  
  
“Alex?” And there's Kakashi, his voice gentle but firm with an undercurrent of concern and a question on his lips.   
  
Alex takes another deep breath. She's scared and a part of her wants to curl up in his arms and shake but she can't. He needs answers she's going to have to force herself to provide. It's a mess. She’s a grown ass woman, anyway. She should be able to handle this better. Ugh. She sighs and lowers her arms so that she can look at Kakashi. He’s kneeling in front of her, body between the couch and the table.   
  
This is probably the last thing she wants to be doing but it’s better to have it done with quickly. So Alex presses her lips together as she takes another deep breath and then she starts speaking. “I’m pretty sure that the office was broken into.“  
  
Kakashi says nothing to that but the look on his face tells Alex that he has an idea to where this is going. The whole thing sucks, she wants nothing to do with it.   
  
But what she wants and what she needs to do are two very different things. When she’s sure Kakashi is not going to speak, she continues explaining. “The finances of the company are all over the place. It’s just so mismanaged, fixing it has been stressing me out.” Might as well start at the beginning.  
  
She forges on. “And not all the employees are happy with it. It’s a family business so most of them are cousins or something of the boss and being told suddenly that the company shouldn’t and won’t be paying for the trip they wanted to take with the kids… Well, it doesn’t make them happy.” Alex shugs a little helplessly.   
  
It really hasn’t made her the most popular at the office but it needed to be done. The company is barely surviving and it’s all due to mismanagement. They should be making more than enough to make a good profit but it’s struggling to pay the bills. Alex just keeps going, if she stops now, she might not finish.  
  
“I’ve been trying to make sense of the accounting done from 2013 all the way to this year. It’s been slow going. About a month or so ago, I started realizing that it’s not only that the money hasn’t been managed correctly or that it hadn’t been properly registered. It was missing.”  
  
Kakashi is silent as she rambles on with her speech.   
  
“There where bills registered as paid for that weren’t. The documents to support the payment nowhere to be found and I still haven’t been able to track where the money ended up. There are payments registered to the boss’s sister due to rendered services but no bill issued to the company, no legal document. Nothing.” She resists the urge to tug at her hair in frustration as she continues.   
  
Kakashi makes a soothing noise from the back of his throat.  
  
“I didn’t think much of it at the beginning. As I said, family business. I thought the boss was simply helping her out with the money or something. I would have to see that the next payments would be done with the proper documentation but that was about it.” And doesn’t that make her feel like an idiot now? She should have known better.   
  
“Except that there are some instances where she receives so much money, it’s impossible. Impossible as in the company cannot possibly pay that amount, it doesn’t gain the amount of money necessary for it, not even before taking into account the expenses and the taxes that need to be paid. Not by a long shot.” There’s frustration in her voice now and maybe her heart is beating too fast but she ignores all of that in order to continue.   
  
“So I figured that the sister is doing something fishy, more than likely stealing. That might be why she was fired, I don’t know. The last day of work, I went to my boss with my entire research.” And oh, how she wished that she hadn’t done that. It had been, in theory, the right thing to do. It had obviously backfired.   
  
“I didn’t tell him what I thought was happening. I just gave him all the info and I let him know that something illegal more than likely is the reason. And today he calls me asking for the information of the insurance.” Alex can tell, just by looking at Kakashi’s face that he knows where she’s going with this.   
  
“I ask him for the list of stolen items and most of them are the items I used to aid me in my research. They left behind things that are far more valuable and easy to steal but took with them documentation and the computers that I had been using. I don’t… I hardly believe that to be a coincidence.”  
  
By the frustration radiating off Kakashi, he agrees with her.  
  
Alex gives Kakashi time to think. She can see the gears turning in his head and a part of her relaxes at that because she might not know what to do but this is Kakashi’s area. This is something Kakashi knows how to deal with, he probably has dealt with similar things in the past. Which means that she can relax a little because even if there is no plan, at the very least it’s in capable hands.   
  
“Do you have copies of your investigation?” He asks her.  
  
She nods at him, gesturing towards the USBs over the computer on her lap. It was the first thing she took care of. She doesn’t stop him when he reaches for it.  
  
“I salvaged most of it.” She tells him as she watches him leave all the items on the table.  
  
"Good,” Kakashi tells her, something like satisfaction in his voice.   
Alex sends him a smile, a little weak but still there.  
  
Kakashi sighs and drops on the couch next to her. When he pulls on her to settle her on her lap, Alex goes willingly enough. There are arms around her and she hides her face on his chest, trying to concentrate on his heartbeat so that she can relax.   
  
Kakashi lets her do it for a little while. “It’s going to be alright. I’ll figure out a security detail so you’ll be safe while I deal with this, ok?” He says to her, voice lowered and tone soothing.  
  
Alex smiles a little before she comments: “I thought Pakkun and Bull were my security detail.”  
  
There are small paws climbing over her legs and then Pakkun is settling next to her, nestled between Kakashi and her. “We are,” confirms the pug as she reaches to pet him. Bull scrambles atop the couch and lays over her legs and Alex can’t help the way her body relaxes. She’s always liked puppy piles.   
  
“They are, we’ll just add to it.” When Alex makes a small questioning sound, he clarifies: “Just to be extra safe while I take care of things.”  
  
He relaxes a little when she nods at that. She knows how paranoid he can be and she kind of feels better with it, too.  
  
“You like Genma, right?” He muses after a while and she tenses up for a second because she had thought she’ll get one more dog not a teammate of Kakashi’s.   
  
But Kakashi is right. She doesn’t know Genma well enough to have an educated opinion but they had gotten along well enough last time the man had been in the apartment. So yes, if it’s going to be one of Kakashi’s teammates, she’s going to prefer Genma over the rest. Still, there’s a slight problem with the idea so she settles to inform Kakashi as much. “I don’t think that it’ll be easy to explain him away, though. Pakkun and Bull can be passed as service dogs but dragging a man around with me is different.”  
  
Kakashi hums, a little amused. “He doesn’t need to be seen to be following you around for protection.”  
  
Alex blinks a little in surprise. “I guess you’re right,” she concedes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the promised plot. Maybe I spent too long developing their friendship? The actual plot is only now showing up -_-


	15. Of notebooks and skewed beliefs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Kakashi wakes up before Alex does, like almost every morning. And like almost every morning he’s sleeping curled up over her, his head cushioned between her stomach and her chest, one hand holding onto her hip and the other almost fisting the comforter. Alex has her legs curled around his sides, one hand on his shoulder and the other laying over Bull who is sleeping snuggled by their sides.  
  
Pakkun is nestled between Bull’s stomach and Kakashi’s side. Kakashi stirs and Alex mumbles at him without waking up. It’s a testament of how comfortable they had gotten in this apartment that neither Pakkun or Bull so much as blink as Kakashi moves. Alex still has no work, it’s meant to last until the 7th. She’d asked for vacation days, she says. It might end up not being true, though, taking into account the robbery.  
  
Kakashi is not particularly happy about it, he’d rather she didn’t go back to work at all. Kakashi has little to no intel on the company she works for, he’s pretty sure she hasn’t even mentioned a name. It makes him feel twitchy. Of course, Kakashi knows how to deal with this kind of situations so he knows that with as little intel as he has, the most efficient way to eliminate the threat without them getting murder happy is if they think they have cowed her into compliance.  
  
And to do that she has to go back to work and pretend she’s getting rid of all the info she has and ignoring the signs of other illegal misconduct. He’d rather she doesn’t but unless she goes back to work, there’s not going to be a chance for them to investigate further. Not with what little they know about this place’s security advancement and measures.  
  
They need all the information they can get on that and on this situation in particular. As soon as possible, however, he’s going to make sure they have what they need so Alex can quit and find another job. And her leaving abruptly might make them believe she’s running the information. A situation Kakashi would rather like to avoid. Powerful people with things to lose are dangerous.  
  
Kakashi still hasn’t taken a look at the information Alex has given him. With any luck, it’ll be more than enough to facilitate an easy investigation. Of course, there’s still his original mission to consider. He can’t really neglect that so reallocating their resources and time is going to be a mess. Kakashi hopes that Genma is open to doing this for him because Kakashi is not going to order him to.  
  
This is a personal matter and Kakashi is not about to abuse his position to force Genma into something he might not want to do. He still desperately hopes that Genma would do this for him, though. It would give him peace of mind so that he can concentrate on both problems calmly. The target’s interrogation had not been anywhere near as useful as they had hoped it would be.  
  
Seal masters are always a pain in the ass to deal with. Kakashi was the student of one. He knows how versatile seals can be. Still, Kakashi is no seal-master himself and although Genma and Anko themselves also have sealing knowledge, they’re not seal-masters either. Kakashi can only hope that between the three of them, they can figure something out.  
  
Some of the information they had been after, the seal master had protected with sealing. None of Anko’s methods could go around that. Kakashi had tried with his Sharingan but other than planting suggestions and other subtle methods, there’s little that Kakashi can do that Anko couldn’t. The illusions and suggestions are useless against the target’s sealing arrays anyway.  
  
There’s no use making the target believe that he wants to tell them the information if the target is physically incapable of doing it whether he wants it or not. Maybe if they had a Yamanaka on the team, it would be possible to acquire more information but seeing as they don’t and they have no way of asking for backup, there’s really no use in wasting time in those particular what ifs. They need to work with what they have.  
  
Maybe Kakashi should check his sensei’s notes on sealing. It might give them some sort of answer. It’s discouraging, though. The seal master himself has no idea where they are in relation to the Elemental Nations, no idea how they arrived in this place, to begin with. And so, he has no idea of how they could get back. This all has been a mistake, a sealing accident that backfired in spectacular fashion.  
  
And they’re all ended caught up in it. It feels like the beginning of a bad joke. They have asked more questions about the nature of the seals that misfired, of course. But Kakashi can see in the man’s face how funny he finds their questions, Fudan is not worried. The man either doesn’t believe them capable or doesn’t think it’s possible and it burns how accurate it might be in both cases. Seal masters are hard to come by, after all.  
  
And it’s not like they have much material to study from other than Fudan’s notebook and one little notebook from Minato that Kakashi carries around for sentimental reasons. Both of them were seal masters, already, however. And so their books are incredibly hard to understand and the lines of sealing both of them specialized in are so different that Kakashi doubts how useful Minato’s notebook could be to their situation.  
  
Kakashi is sitting by the table, writing down ideas and trying to understand the sealing notes they managed to steal from what seems to be one of the target’s temporary bases. It’s not ideal because the notes seem old but it’s more than they had before. Still, as much as Kakashi is a genius, he has never quite been one for this esoteric art. No matter how hard Minato and Kushina had tried to teach it to him.  
  
Kakashi just doesn’t have the imagination for it, he’s good at taking existing things and exploiting them to their maximum potential but not at creating from scratch. It’s not his thing. There’s a reason why Kakashi only has one invented Jutsu, after all. Everything else is only an adaptation of something already existing. And chidori is a bastardization of the rasengan. Sealing needs far more creativity. Admittedly, in most cases, his way is more than enough.  
  
Alex drops on the chair beside him and soon after her face is pressed into his shoulder. Kakashi sighs and decides to leave the whole thing, for now, it’s no use. He’ll look at it again later, with less stress. Who knows? Maybe next time he looks at it, things might magically make more sense to him. He stands up to get breakfast ready and ignores the little whine Alex throws at him in protest. Really, it’s ridiculous how long it takes for her to become a functional human being in the mornings.  
  
The first thing he does is leave a mug of coffee in front of her, she latches on to it and Kakashi feels like rolling his eyes. Really, this girl’s coffee and chocolate addiction is a problem. The way she cradles it protectively tells him she notices the dirty look he’s sending the mug. Normally he wouldn’t have given the damn thing to her but he’s annoyed enough to want out of the apartment and there’s just no way he’s going to wait around for hours so she wakes up enough.  
  
By the time he’s done cooking up something simple for breakfast, she’s somehow moved on from her coffee mug to Fudan’s notebook. It’s surprising, not only by how engrossed she seems by it but because she’s only barely paying attention to her coffee. Normally, the whole thing would be gone by now. But there it is, cooling down by her side and she doesn’t even spare it a glance. Kakashi can’t help the fond amusement that bubbles in his chest even as his exasperation rises.  
  
All he wants is to leave the damn thing behind and enjoy a day out with his pack and there she is, engrossed in the damn notebook. Kakashi sets the plate in front of her and she doesn’t even twitch. Right, finger food then. He cuts up some fruit and leaves it beside her as he eats his breakfast. She starts eating it on autopilot, Kakashi notes with satisfaction. Good. He’ll snap her out of it after breakfast.  
  
Except she stubbornly clings to it even as he tries to take it away. Kakashi’s irritation spikes a little. So he growls at her and then, almost immediately, he wants to take it back. As much as he sometimes grumbles at her, he has never honestly growled at her. And when he grumbles at her, Alex only thinks it’s cute. Growling is another matter altogether and he’s not sure if she’s going to take it well.  
  
But all Alex does is raise an eyebrow and then let go of the notebook. “Fine, fine. No need to get grumpy.” She tells him, a little annoyance in her voice but also something that sounds like amused resignation. “Sorry, it’s just very interesting. I hadn’t had the chance to take a look of something like that in a while.” She informs him as she stands up, gesturing at the notebook in his hand with a nod of her head.  
  
Kakashi watches as she stretches and wonders about what that means. He will ask, he knows she knows that too. Just not right now, right now he’s done with the damn notebook so he’s just going to leave it. Kakashi still makes a note of it because as much as he would like to keep her out of this, this could be useful to the mission and Kakashi is not about to insult her by ignoring her abilities.  
  
He knows her well enough to know that Alex would be furious at him for doing something like that. Alex steps into his space and kisses his cheek before going to the bathroom.  
  
Kakashi watches her as she goes and then turns to look at the kitchen. He’s done cleaning the apartment up by the time Alex is ready to go. He will give the notebook to her once they return, Kakashi hardly thinks there’s something to lose by gaining another perspective. Given that he has some context, he can somewhat understand some of it. But not enough for it to be actually useful.  
  
But by the way, Alex had been speaking, it seems she understands enough of it to find it interesting. With some context, she might be able to understand more. It doesn’t necessarily mean that she will be able to give them the solution but it does mean that they’d be closer to it than before. Or at least of understanding just what is going on. All of which is a good outcome.  
  
Or it should be, in theory. They need to get rid of Fudan, that is the mission. The only reason why the target is still alive is that they need him to figure out a way to return. It’s just that Kakashi is no longer sure if he wants to return with the rest of them. He knows it’s his duty and the mere fact that he’s having doubts makes him almost drown in shame.  
  
That, however, doesn’t change the facts. Kakashi knows that Alex loves him, he does. He also knows that she meant all of her reassurances when she claimed she’d be there for him as long as she could. But he also knows that she has plans for her life and that she’s happy where she’s going. She has worked too hard for it and she’s proud of the results. She’s not all the way there but soon enough she will be.  
  
Would she come with him if he asked? Sometimes Kakashi is sure that she would and sometimes he worries that she won’t. And if she does, would she learn to resent him for that? For tearing her away of this life she’s worked so hard to build for herself? And does Kakashi even want to ask it of her? Does he want to take her away from this place and bring her along to his? It’s hard to say when this place has become home for him as well.  
  
It’s almost blasphemous to think about but at the same time, it’s the truth. Kakashi hasn’t had a home in a really long time, Konoha has always been his village but all he has back there is a bunch of people who see him more as a legend than as a person, Gai, ghosts and an empty apartment. Here he has a pack. And Kakashi is sure that he’d manage to make a life for himself here if he tried.  
  
It’d take some work but he can do it. He’s sure of that much. So does he want to go back? Kakashi isn’t sure. And if he does, does he want to take Alex with him? Of course, he does. But would she forgive him for it? That he doesn’t know. It’s too much to think about on top of the actual mission. Would it even be fair to ask it of her? She likes to spoil him, he knows. Kakashi also knows that she doesn’t simply bend to his whims if she doesn’t want to.  
  
And in this, maybe he himself doesn’t want her to. She’s so happy, so pleased with herself, each time there’s some significant step forward to where she is. It shows. There are things that worry and irritate her but she fights so hard for this goal she has engraved in her mind. Kakashi doesn’t know if he’s strong enough to tear her away from that. In contrast, Kakashi has been drifting for the longest time. There’s no grand plan he’s working towards.  
  
It’s a bit of a mess in his head and until he has it figured it out, he’ll keep it quiet. Kakashi knows Alex has figured out that something is stressing him out but he trust that she won’t ask about it for a while yet. She tends to leave him to it unless he has taken to long to talk about it or if she thinks it’s better to force the issue. Kakashi’s thankful for that.  
  
They end up walking around and Kakashi ignores the dirty looks she sends him. Alex hates the cold so winter doesn’t agree with her, although she does seem to find the whole Christmas and New Year celebrations important. The number of clothing layers on her make her look ridiculous. Bull is following beside her, every now and then he nudges her until she pets him. Really, she spoils his dogs. He’d say something about it but it seems to help with her stress so Kakashi thinks it might be ok.  
  
Pakkun is off to the camp so he can ask Genma whether he would be open to run security detail for Alex. That’s another thing that just leaves a bad taste in his mouth. The way the team had been behaving, Kakashi doesn’t think that he can trust him to give this the attention it requires but at the same time, there’s really no one else he would ask this from. Kakashi maybe should explain what pack means, at least to Genma, so he can understand just what Kakashi is trusting him with. Even if reluctantly so.  
  
But Kakashi has never been good with words, he’s far better at proving this with actions and in a way, he has done it already. The team now knows that Alex is his and not to be messed with. And yet, they don’t understand why or what that really means other than what directly affects them. It’d be best if Kakashi could tell them but he has no idea how to explain instincts like that to people who had never had them before.  
  
Of course, humans are social creatures and in a way, they too put weight on their emotional connections. But no human feels reassured by the fresh smell of pack in the den or a simply cuddle pile at the end of a stressful day. To most people, the way Alex and he cuddle would be seen as romantic or sexual, they don’t understand that it’s more about care and closeness. Sexuality has nothing to do with it.  
  
It’s a small pack, what they have. A little strange too. There’s only the two of them and his dogs, of which Alex has only met two. But she bares her throat easily for him, no hesitation or fear, trusts him to be there when she needs him. Takes all his small and big things, listens as he stammers an explanation and then works with him so that his instincts are satisfied. They’re still learning but it’s enough. It’s his pack, small and weird as it is, and Kakashi would protect this with everything he has.  
  
“Stop pouting,” Alex tells him out of the blue.  
  
Kakashi turns to look at her as she glares at him. He raises both of his arms in front of him in surrender.  
  
She huffs at him before continuing: “Really, you drag me out of the apartment in this cold as hell weather to clear your mind. Least you could do is actually do it.”  
  
Kakashi bites back the smile that threatens to lift his lips up but by the way the corner of Alex’s mouth twitches, he wasn’t entirely successful.  
  
“Ugh!” She exclaims, throwing her arms up. “Stop it! Your cloud of gloom is messing with my style!”  
  
He watches her as she gains a little ground on him. “What style?” He makes sure to look at her from over the edge of his book. Twilight, he stole it from her and continues to read it time and again. Kakashi doesn’t particularly care for it but the way she smiles in amusement every time she catches him reading it is reason enough.  
  
Alex turns around and sends him a dirty look. “Careful, Kashi. My eyeliner game today is so sharp, I could stab you with it.”  
  
Kakashi hums at that. “That’s _if_ you can catch me,” he replies, putting emphasis on the if to make sure she understands the implication.  
  
“Why would I need to?” There’s laughter in her voice, “you’ll have to come back sooner or later. I’m the designated pillow.”  
  
He doesn’t have an answer for that. The way she laughs at his face threatens to make him visibly flustered but soon enough she’s dragging him somewhere else, both dogs at their heels, and Kakashi can’t find it in himself to be irritated.  
  
That’s the thing, isn’t it? She takes all those little things others would reject deeming them socially weird or unacceptable and calls them “Kakashi quirks”, all the while indulging them with a fond if sometimes somewhat exasperated smile. And little by little, quirk by quirk, Kakashi starts to believe that he’s found somewhere where he can actually belong.   
  
And Kakashi? Kakashi is realistic enough to know this is something uncommon enough to be treasured. He’s also selfish enough to want to keep it for himself and Alex keeps on telling him he needs to be a little more selfish, a little more willing to stand his ground for what he wants instead of his “skewed” believe of what he deserves.  
  
Maybe he will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little of Kakashi's thoughts and some plotty explanations.  
> Sorry I updated so late in the day


	16. Coded Lectures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some explanations about the situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

They spent the whole day outside. She had fun, so she shouldn’t complain all that much but she does anyway, out of principle. After all, she hates the cold. Kakashi knows that well enough to make fun of her for it. They’re warm now, though. Kakashi makes for a wonderfully clingy warm blanket. It’s ridiculously adorable in a way that shouldn’t be possible, not with the air of predator at rest he exudes most of the time.   
  
Today is one of those strange days when she wakes up before him and it’s made even rarer by the fact that there’s nowhere she needs to go, nothing that requires her immediate attention. So she can stay in bed in their puppy pile and enjoy it. It’s a wonderful feeling. Kakashi is resting over her stomach, warm and loose-limbed. Pakkun has made himself comfortable on the small of Kakashi’s back and Bull is a tight bundle of heat at her side.   
  
It’s a great way to start the day. An even greater way to start the last day of this year.  
  
She’s been reading Kakashi’s little notebook while he sleeps and Alex can’t help but wonder whose it was originally. It isn’t Kakashi who wrote this. She knows his writing well enough by now to know it if she looks at it. This is not his. He also seems to be unable to fully understand what he’s reading and it’s causing him some frustration.   
  
It’s a curious thing. Kakashi is inquisitive by nature, things he doesn’t understand tend to draw him in, not stress him out. Alex has the almost-certainty that the notebook’s content is somehow mission-related. Although she can’t see how.  
  
She won’t pry, though. He’ll tell her when he has found the words to do it or when it becomes important enough to do so without the right wording. She trusts that. Still, the damn thing is fascinating. Alex doesn’t understand the whole thing either, it would need some studying, to be quite honest. For some of it, she understands the concept but a more in-depth analysis would be needed for full understanding. It still makes for some very interesting reading.  
  
And she wants to fully understand. She can see some studying in her future. That being said, she understands most of the concepts in a general way, as in she understands what the end-goal is. It feels like something out of a science-fiction novel. But if it’s possible? It would be fascinating. What she recognizes on a better level is the reasoning, the way the creator goes about directing the way things should go and solve the issues presented.  
  
It feels like coding. Some of it is missing, there are orders that are callbacks of code that the creator obviously used multiple times and so, those particular strings of code were given a name to be made easier to call back on. So that the author wouldn’t have to write it every single time it was needed. But those strings of code are missing from the notebook and although she can understand from the notes what some of them are meant to do, she’d love to see them.  
  
There’s movement over her stomach and she lowers the hand holding the notebook to watch as Kakashi stirs. She hocks her finger under one of his fangs as he yawns and he grumbles at her as he presses his teeth against her finger. A small pressure that can’t even be called a bite, she’s fine with it as long as he lets her keep her finger there. Alex has no idea why she enjoys doing it, but she does and Kakashi indulges it so it’s all fine.  
  
“Morning, Kashi”  
  
Kakashi only snuggles closer and grumbles in protest as best he can around her finger. It makes her smile reflexively. She leaves the notebook beside her and starts carding her fingers through his hair.   
  
“Come on, sweetheart, it’s already mid-day.”  
  
He only grumbles again and she chuckles. “Fine. Keep sleeping. But let me go so I can eat something.” She’s been starving for about an hour now.  
  
“No.”  
  
It makes her blink in surprise but she’s sure he can feel the laugh she silenced in her chest. “No? But I’m hungry.”  
  
“No.”  
  
She only hums in answer. That’s fine. She’ll eat later.   
  
Which, really, is it a travesty? It feels like it should be. Since when has she started sacrificing food-time for this bunch? No, it’s worse than a travesty. It feels a little like blasphemy. Food has always meant to be sacred. But there go Kakashi and the dogs behaving all adorable and she folds like wet-paper. She’s going to let this secret die with her, no one needs to know.  
  
That being said, Kakashi’s homemade breakfasts are a thing of beauty and should go down in history as some god’s gift to humankind. She’d convert in a second, no questions asked. The guy knows how to cook. If she had it in her, she’ll marry him for it. Alas, as wonderful as Kakashi is, he still has the wrong equipment and Alex is too attached to her nonexistent sex-life.   
  
No matter how he grumbles, Kakashi doesn’t really fall asleep again. He just lazes around using her as a pillow. It seems to be the general mood if the way both Pakkun and Bull refuse to move is anything to go by. After a while, Alex is the one who ends up asleep. Damn them, she was going to be productive, too. But they’re warm, comfortable and adorable and really, it’s unfair how weak she is for them.   
  
They know it, too. Which is just one more reason to lose faith in humanity, none of them should be allowed to puppy-eye anyone. Not that any of them is concerned with fairness. Whatever. Alex has given up a while ago, it’s just easier to go with the flow. She calls it “choosing my battles” in a pathetic attempt at making it seem like she knows what she’s doing.  
  
Alex wakes up to the smell of food and Bull’s weight on her side. She shouldn’t be so used to waking up with a dog’s face so close to hers but she is. Bull comes easily when she pulls him to her, both of her arms around his neck. That’s not to say that he lets her just lay there. But Bull’s patient and calm to the whole craziness that is the rest of them. Alex catches sight of the clock from over the bulldog’s shoulder and grumbles in denial.  
  
1pm.  
  
What the hell?  
  
The entire morning, gone.  
  
Let it be known that this is Kakashi’s fault.  
  
She sighs. Whatever. Not the end of the world. Also, food, she can smell it. Even more importantly, Kakashi-made food. So Alex kisses Bull on the top of his head, fishes the little notebook from the confines of the bed and puts on Kakashi’s discarded hoodie on top of her pyjama. She’s not cold but better safe than sorry. Bull walks beside her as she makes her way to the bathroom so she can wash her face. It’s a tight fit but they’ve mastered the art of it long ago.  
  
She finds Kakashi cooking in the kitchen and it lures her to his side. There’s a kiss on top of her head and Alex kisses his shoulder in answer. The dirty look that Kakashi sends to the notebook makes her smile. Kakashi shoos her out of the kitchen after she steals one too many berries. She’s not sorry.  
  
There’s Genma looking a little out of place and a lot uncomfortable on her couch and Alex is feeling nice enough to not even care that she had no idea he was invited. Besides, she thinks she might like this one. The jury is still out on Asuma and Anko is a lost cause but this one watched Daredevil with her and had hilarious commentary all around. Still, she just woke up and that generally means she’s not awake all the way either. She’s largely non-verbal after waking up, it’s a thing.   
  
So Alex just ruffles his hair with what she hopes is a vaguely welcoming hum and drops beside him on the couch. After a second of consideration, she wiggles her cold feet under his thigh and puts on something on YouTube. By the time she’s awake enough to pay attention, she realizes that it’s Vox. Something about mass graves. That’s very depressive for the start of the day actually but Genma seems to be interested so Alex opens up the notebook to where she left it and reads on.  
  
By the time she resurfaces from her notebook-induced trance, Genma is watching a video from Tati. Alex blinks at it a little bemused as she listens to Tati explain the wonders of good drug-store makeup and then turns her gaze to Genma, who looks genuinely interested.  
  
“Do you like makeup?” She’s actually interested in the answer, he has cute features and if he does like makeup, she’s so going to go for it. Glam him up.  
  
“Not really, I just find it interesting,” he answers with a shrug, his gaze still on the video.  
  
Hu. Interesting how? Also, is it still possible for her to convince him? Now she really wants to put some makeup on him. Something to think about. Not that she gets the chance to follow up on that line of thought because Genma turns to look at her and does a double-take. A part of her feels inexplicably unsure for a second. She resists the urge to make sure she’s not indecent or has something weird on her face.   
  
Genma gestures towards the little notebook with his hand. “Do you understand it?”  
  
Alex narrows her eyes at him as she sits a little straighter. That was not what he meant to ask. She knows that somehow, as a hunch. She lets him see on her face how little he believes his cover up but lets it slide anyway, Kakashi will tell him if she decides she really wants the answer. Judging by how uncomfortable he looks, Genma knows it too. Still, she’s trying, damn it. Somehow she’s going to get this one to like her. For Kakashi’s sake.   
  
She answers the question like she’s taking it at face-value. “Mostly. There’s some science involved so that I’d need to study but the code is easy enough to understand. It’s interesting.”  
  
There’s some surprise in him, hope too. She can tell, even if she knows the minute shift in his body language wouldn’t be visible for most. But Alex’s job depends on her ability to negotiate, among many other things. And negotiation, in turn, depends on how well you can read whoever you’re negotiating with. She knows what he sees, the notebook is important, the information in it hard to understand for them. Which is understandable.  
  
Although most people understand something in terms of coding, even if it’s very general knowledge, not many understand anything more advanced than some basic commands or concepts. Coding properly on the level displayed on the notebook is beyond the majority. People are not interested in learning how their new shiny gadget works.  
  
Alex knows then that it could be leveraged. Knowing what you have to offer and it’s value to the other side of the equation is vital and she knows he noticed her realize his interest. He isn’t happy about it and Alex resist the urge to roll her eyes. Really, so little faith. If this was a business setting, her knowing it’s important would not be ideal depending on how the team wants to approach this negotiation. Her not knowing just how important notwithstanding.   
  
And yet, they’re not on a business setting and Genma is still part of Kakashi’s team. It’s true enough that she doesn’t particularly like them but Genma is nice enough and Kakashi is her best friend. If this is important to them, she won’t mind providing the information. She has the time now, what with her on vacation from both work and college. So this is not a negotiation at all.  
  
She sighs. “What do you want to know?”  
  
He turns fully to her without bothering to pause the video, Tati drones on in the background. But before he can ask any questions, Kakashi shows up with a plate of snacks for the lot of them and with breakfast for both of them. She steals some of his berries as he gets comfortable on the floor beside her and he flicks her leg in retaliation.  
  
“Worth it.”  
  
Kakashi snorts and Alex smiles at him, stuffing some scrambled eggs in her mouth. Seeing as how her friend is ignoring Genma’s rather pointed glances, Alex chooses to intercede before they can all find out whether or not Genma can set Kakashi on fire with the strength of his glare alone. Although she is a little fascinated by Kakashi’s ability to simply ignore it.  
  
“Genma,” she waits until the guy turns his gaze on her before continuing. “You didn’t answer me. What do you want to know?”  
  
Genma eyes her, considering, and then he sends a quick look to Kakashi. Her friend only shrugs and keeps eating but he turns so that he has a better view of both of them. Kakashi taps the notebook twice with one finger, his eyes never leaving Genma’s. “Explain, please.”  
  
Alex smiles reflexively at that, she likes how curious he is. They both match in that. And yet, she’s not blind enough not to notice the by-play going on in the background of this conversation. She closes the notebook, leaving one of her fingers as a bookmark. “In general? Or which part?”  
  
Kakashi doesn’t answer, though. His eye is still unflinchingly zeroed in on his teammate.  
  
Genma clears his throat, his voice makes her turn to him. “In general, please.”  
  
Well then, general it is.  
  
She opens the notebook on page one and taps the text on it. “The first part is clear enough, I think. It’s a multiverse theory. Summarizing it to a ridiculous extent, it’s the idea that there are multiple universes. As in, an infinite amount. In theory, any permutation of events could be a different universe. Does that make sense?”  
  
They both nod at her.  
  
She skips a couple of pages until she finds the relevant text. “This part is where it starts getting interesting, it theorizes how to go about multiverse travel but instead of going about it through physics or some other relevant sciences, it goes about it through “sealing”. I’ve never heard of seals being used this way but the way the author approaches the issue reminds me of coding.” It’s why it caught her attention. Codes are generally confined to work through machines. Not this kind, apparently.  
  
Alex waits a couple of seconds to check that none of them has answers before she continues, “this sealing thing is like a different coding language adapted to be used on paper and ink instead of computers. I don’t really understand yet how to get it to activate or how to go about powering one but I understand enough about the coding language that I could probably draw some.” Not a working one, of course. What with the lacking power source but the concept of it should be right. As in, add the power source and activate it and it should work.  
  
At this point, she’s rambling somewhat, lost a little in her own curiosity, “completely useless without the power source, of course, and without being able to activate it. But still, I’ll get it sooner or later. I just need a little more studying.” It’s exciting, at the moment.  
  
She catches Kakashi’s eye for a second and resists the urge to frown. There’s a horrified sort of understanding making its way to Kakashi’s face so she reaches for him, takes his hand and kisses his knuckles. The way he drops with his head on her thigh makes her swallow the question bubbling in the back of her throat. Suddenly she realizes that there’s something that she’s missing. Other than the tension between teammates.   
  
Alex doesn’t know what to do so she just continues explaining even though most of her attention is on Kakashi now. “There are theories about the requirements needed to make the travel and how to keep the traveller alive during it. Most of it, admittedly, goes well over my head. It’s not my area but I understand enough of the “sealing” aspect of it and of the general theory to at least understand some.”  
  
She shrugs, a little uncomfortable with the tense atmosphere and the not knowing why it even came to be. “The next part goes about how to choose the universe to travel to. This part is coding, or “sealing”, I guess. They’re similar enough. I can explain it if you want?” It’s an interesting way of going about it, certainly far simpler than analyzing the whole biological makeup required or calculating the numbers.  
  
The question seems far more unsure than she would have liked it to be. It’s almost like it echoes around them in the silence. Alex bites her lip and resists the urge to babble nervously. She hates personal situations turning awkward. Professional she can handle, personal is not her area.   
  
“No,” Kakashi answers slowly like he’s weighing his words carefully. “No, I think this explanation needs the team here. We need to change the plan.”  
  
Alex turns to look at him, her body unconsciously sitting straighter but she doesn’t ask.  
  
Genma is gone so fast, she doesn’t even see him move.   
  
“Kakashi…?” She knows there’s a question in her voice and she doesn’t even try to hide it. Of course, she doesn’t really know which is the right question to ask so she doesn’t follow it up. Not that Kakashi bothers with an answer.  
  
He’s already in problem-solving mode. “Would it help you if I give you some examples?” His eye on the notebook she’s holding with her hand is enough to understand the underlying meaning.   
  
“It depends on what you want it to help with. The science part of it would need me to learn at least enough of this content to be more, let's say, fluent with it. Examples might help but the actual explanation, even in broad strokes, would be better. That said, other examples of this kind of code would help me familiarize myself with this style of coding.”  
  
Kakashi nods at her.  
  
She can see him thinking it through. “What is your end goal?”  
  
He drags a hand through his silver hair. “For now? Understanding what the seal does and how it works.”  
  
Understand what you’re dealing with so you can better manage is a good way of doing things, it means less risk of surprises. Of course, she’s still rather blatantly in the dark but a part of her knows Kakashi is too, to some extent at least. She’ll give them her information first but she will be asking for theirs as well after that.   
  
Alex hums while she thinks that over, “and then?”  
  
“I don’t know.” He sounds so lost about it.   
  
“One step at a time, then.” She says to him, soft and comforting as she pets his hair.  
  
They stay like that for a while but the team is coming in through her balcony door soon enough. She’d bother being self-conscious about her pyjama, except that this is her own living room and she wasn’t planning on having guests over. There are no formalities exchanged, no casual pleasantries.  
  
Genma retakes his spot on the couch, Anko sprawled beside him. Asuma remains standing by the wall, probably hoping to avoid having his wound touch anything. Alex hides a wince even as she reaches to run her hand through Kakashi’s hair. Absently uncomfortable with being the object of their attention.   
  
Alex just waits until they’re all settled before she continues on with her explanation: “Alright, the author passes over two questions. The first one being whether travel between universes is possible, to begin with, and the second one being if survival in another universe is viable.”  
  
She lets that sink in before moving on, well aware that she’s gone into full lecture mode. “The first question is waved away by something called “the Flying Thunder God”. I’ll explain that further if it becomes necessary. The second is waved away by simple logic. It stands to reason that given the infinite number of universes, at least some of them would be similar enough to the original that survival of a life form from universe A in universe B would be possible.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the small cliffhanger but I made it up by the fluff at the beginning. I think.


	17. Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we finally start to unravel what is going on!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Alex waits for a little while, she’s trying to figure out whether they’re following her explanation. She’s not always the best at teaching people things. It’d be a nice skill to have but it’s not necessarily one of hers. But there’s no recognition in their faces, nothing to tell her they’re following her explanation.  
  
Instead, there’s careful stillness and blank faces that she recognizes from Kakashi when he’s having a bad day. It’s the same way of keeping still like any movement would break their efforts of maintaining control. There’s tension in the room and in their frames. It’s disconcerting. It’s uncomfortable and that is not helping at all her ability to concentrate and explain.  
  
It leaves Alex feeling uncomfortable and a bit like an intruder. She twitches with the impulse of getting up and brewing some tea for them. More out of the need to do something than anything else. She very much doubts tea would help soothe their stress. It’ll still give her the chance to compose herself in some sort of privacy.  
  
When she moves to get up, though, Kakashi’s grip on her leg turns painful. So she stills, doing her best not to let the hurt show. He’ll see the bruise later but right now, it’s clear there are other things in his mind. She doesn’t begrudge him the need for comfort. The bruise will worry him more than it’ll hurt her. She’s gotten worse from self-defence lessons.  
  
“So you’re saying… What…? What does the seal do?” Anko’s voice is almost toneless.  
  
The way the other woman seems to be looking for Alex to tell her she misunderstood… It’s almost enough to make Alex wince. She refrains. For all that she doesn’t like the woman, Alex has gotten to associate Anko with rashness, passion and noise. Anko is not meant to be this still.  
  
And yet, there’s no comfort that Alex can provide. As sad as it is, Kakashi wants her beside him and Alex cares for him more. Maybe that’s cruel but Alex isn’t willing to change it. She has no desire to, either. Alex has never claimed to be the nicest person around. Loyal? Yes. Kind? Sometimes. When she feels like she can.  
  
What she can do, however, is make sure that this goes on as swiftly and painless as she can manage So Alex organizes her thoughts before she can answer. “For what I understand, the seals made on the notebook are not meant to be used yet, they’re theoretical. All of them are created with the purpose of travel between what the author calls compatible universes.”  
  
“So that’s why we can’t find Konoha. We’re in the wrong universe.” Asuma’s voice is thick with an attempt of humour that doesn’t reach his eyes.  
  
It falls flat.  
  
Alex doesn’t hold it against him, though. After all, humour and denial are her two best resources to deal with any situation she can’t otherwise handle. Until she gets the time to write it down and analyze, at least. It’d be a little hypocritical to demand no one else does the same.   
  
There’s a part of Alex that hasn’t managed to really process this whole thing, the meaning of the conclusion that they’ve all reached. Because this doesn’t happen in real life, not really. This happens in those comics she loves so much. Like the spider army in Marvel’s multiverse. Or the portals that managed to give Spider-Gwen and Spider-Man a chance to meet. And messed up the Marvel multiverse.  
  
Maybe she’ll get to meet different versions of herself. A part of her begins to wonder whether she’s going to get to meet Wolverine because she’s morbidly amused about how a meeting between Kakashi and Wolverine would go.   
  
Wait.  
  
Squirrel Girl.  
  
Kakashi is more wolf than dog, though. Are wolves above chasing squirrels? Something to think about. Not at the moment, however. At the moment, she needs to concentrate. Distantly, she realizes that her mind is all over the place and very firmly away from the whole discovery.  
  
See? There it is. The denial.  
  
She does that sometimes when she’s panicking and not ready to deal with whatever caused it. Normally, it’s fine, if only for a little while. Right now, it’s not. Because no matter how surprising this is for her, for Kakashi and his team it must be devastating. So she needs to compartmentalize, deal with this first and figure out the whole situation later.  
  
“I think,” she says slowly, measuring every word, “that it would be best if we continue this conversation later.” All of them need a chance to process the whole thing, after all. And Alex herself needs both the opportunity to organize her thoughts to some semblance of coherency and the time to check on Kakashi, to make sure he’s somewhat ok.   
  
Asuma disagrees almost instantly. “No.” He seems to realize that his tone was too harsh to be considered polite because he repeats himself. “No, I’d rather you explain this in one go, please.”  
  
Like taking the band-aid off in one go, to avoid spreading the pain. Or at least, she guesses that’s the reason.  
  
Alex waits for a second but no one disagrees so she clears her throat and lets her fingers nervously play with Kakashi’s hair as she goes on with her little lecture. “Right. The entire notebook is theoretical, the author himself or herself repeatedly goes back to the idea that surviving a journey like that would be very close to impossible.”  
  
There’s a snort and Alex is almost surprised to realize it was Genma. He seems so calm all the time that seeing him lose his composure is weird. Understandable as it is. And it really, really is. This whole situation is a mess of record-breaking proportions.  
  
“Eh… Right,” she’s a little uncertain at this point. “This due to two facts. The first one being that even though the existence of compatible universes is a fact, at least if one takes the idea of the multiverse to be true, the statistics are not in the traveller’s favour. Finding one compatible universe in the ocean of universes is not very probable. Even then, the probability of landing somewhere the traveller couldn’t survive inside said universe is also very high.”  
  
They seem to have grasped that, Anko is absently nodding her head as she stares into the distance.  
  
Alex pushes Kakashi’s head a little closer to her lap. “The second being the amount of energy needed to make the travel in the first place. The author claims that the amount of chakra required to power the seal all the way would be lethal to the user. There are some ideas thrown around in order to try and circumvent that but nothing concrete. Or at least not in this notebook.”  
  
Anko makes a noise of frustration and turns to look directly at Alex. “Answer the important question, then. Could you replicate one to send us back?”  
  
Kakashi twitches by her side and Alex tightens her hold on him. “Replicating it would be useless,” she explains. “Even if I managed that, it would only send you to a compatible universe, not necessarily your own. Even if the number of compatible universes should be small in comparison to the entirety of universes, it’ll still be a very large amount. The possibility of you simply returning to your own without modifying the seal is close to zero.”  
  
Alex lets that set in before she continues. “In theory, though, with the right information and after learning more about this sealing thing, I could modify the seal to lock into your own universe and send you there. Provided that I have all the necessary information, of course,” she adds in. She needs to be careful in this, she can’t promise something she can’t deliver. “This is just in theory, though. I might be able to. No certainty there, ok?”  
  
“What do you need?” Genma’s gaze is unwavering. It makes her a little uncomfortable.  
  
“I need to study sealing in general. As similar as it is to coding, there are differences. Whatever information you have on this seal in particular, too,” she adds in, waving the notebook so that they know what she’s talking about. Not that they need it, what with how hyper-focused they all seem to be.  
  
“None of us understand the seal, to begin with.” Asuma’s dry commentary is followed by a long moment of uncomfortable silence.  
  
“Fudan does.” Anko’s voice is a mixture of defiance and reluctance. It’s a weird combination.  
  
“No.” The tone is uncompromising and so strange in Kakashi’s voice that it stops Alex short. But Anko’s glare is equally stubborn.  
  
Fortunately, Genma cuts in before a fight can break out in her apartment. “None of us is saying they need to talk to each other, Kakashi.”  
  
Or maybe not.   
  
Kakashi’s standing up and his posture is as uncompromising as his voice. “...But?”  
  
Alex doesn’t try to restrain him. No matter that a part of her wants to pull him to her and hold on.  
  
“But when it comes to the seal, he’s our only source of information.” Asuma’s input is almost gentle.  
  
Kakashi has positioned himself so that he’s between her and them. It makes her nervous enough that she can feel her own heart pounding almost painfully on her chest. There’s too much tension in the air. So she very carefully forces her body to release its tension and calls to him. “Kakashi…”  
  
He whirls on her, expression full of concern and more than a little hurt. “You promised.” His voice is low enough to give the impression that this is a private conversation between the two of them.  
  
She bites back the wince that threatens to surface but she does stand up and moves closer to him. “I know, I’m not denying you, Kashi. Whatever you think it’s best, ok? I’m just confused. Could you please explain?” She keeps her own voice as low as he was but doesn’t move to touch him. He looks like he wouldn’t welcome it.  
  
Her answer does have him calm down a little, though. He pulls her closer and she goes with it. Kakashi kisses her cheek. “Tonight.” It sounds like a promise.   
  
She nods at him and turns to look at Pakkun when she feels something biting her ankle softly. It makes Alex press her lips together, annoyed by the implied suggestion. But Kakashi and Pakkun are always very well coordinated and she did promise Kakashi she’ll let him handle this kind of situations. Besides, Kakashi said tonight, didn’t he? So she goes.   
  
Alex concentrates on getting ready; shower, clothes, make-up, clean the bedroom a little (just enough that it looks like she has her life together, even if it’s just an illusion.) By the time she comes out of her bedroom, the team is gone with the exception of Genma and Kakashi is sulking on the couch.   
  
She sighs.  
  
Damn it.   
  
All she wanted was to read the notebook, she had thought it interesting. A nice something to dip into. She had not considered the possibility of the whole thing developing into some sort of uncontrollable situation. Just her luck, really. She ignores Kakashi for now, instead, she goes to the kitchen and takes the Amish bread dough out of the fridge to defrost. She deserves a little treat. They both do.   
  
Alex fills a small bowl with a variety of berries and then makes her way back to Kakashi. He’s still sulking but he raises his arm and she accepts the silent invitation. Alex climbs onto the couch next to him, mostly on top of him. He clings and she sighs into his neck, pinches his side when he steals a couple of berries from her.  
  
Poor Genma looks incredibly uncomfortable. Normally, Alex would care a little bit. Not enough to stop but enough to try and help him out, maybe make him feel included. Not right now, maybe it’s a little petty but the schadenfreude makes her feel a little better. Just a little.   
  
Still… It’s not the poor dude’s fault, not really. She sighs again, mostly out of exasperation with herself. “Berries?”  
  
“What?” Poor dude startles at the question. It probably has more to do with the small bowl suddenly shoved in front of his face. Whatever.   
  
Kakashi huffs quiet laughter under his breath, it forces a smile to her face.  
  
“Berries?” She repeats, shaking the bowl a little.  
  
“Uhm, no. Thank you.”   
  
Ugh, he’s sort of adorable with his tentativeness and Alex will be nice to him. She promises.   
  
“You should take them. She never offers.” Kakashi’s voice is full of humour.  
  
“Are you mocking me, Kashi?” It’s hard to pretend outrageousness with his hand massaging her scalp.  
  
“What was your first clue?”   
  
She flicks his arm. “Whatever. That’s why you don’t deserve berries.”  
  
“And Genma does?”  
  
She hums in affirmative and when he pouts at her, she laughs.   
  
She sticks her tongue out to Kakashi and makes grabby hands at Genma. “Of course he does, look at him. He deserves all the hugs.”  
  
“I thought that was Bull,” Pakkun says from his spot by the floor.  
  
“No,” she denies, turning to look at him. “Bull deserves all the love. He’s precious and a gift to humanity. We don’t deserve him.”  
  
Genma’s laugh breaks them out of their little teasing session but he just smiles at their looks so Alex smiles back.  
  
“Should we go out or do we watch something?” Kakashi’s hand is sneaking its way to her bowl.  
  
She moves it further away as she gives him her attention. “It’s too cold to go outside.”  
  
Kakashi’s hum manages to convey his scepticism perfectly. Damn him and his immunity to freezing temperatures.  
  
“No, she’s right. It’s too cold.”  
  
“Ha! See Kakashi. Normal people feel the cold.” She crows in victory, gesturing to Genma who looks amused at her reaction.  
  
The look Kakashi sends her answers enough but he turns on the TV so she ignores the sass, moving instead until she’s comfortably sitting on his stomach.   
  
Predictively, Kakashi puts on a documentary and she sighs at him, all mock-despondency. Her friend looks unimpressed but he hands the control over and she switches Netflix for YouTube. She compromises and puts on John Oliver, it’s a comedy with enough substance to gain Kakashi’s attention.   
  
They spend about an hour of the day in that before they get hungry. Alex ignores it for a while out of laziness. She’s not feeling like moving, comfortable as she is. But hunger wins out after a while, as it tends to do. Still, the laziness is strong.  
  
“Kashi,” she calls to him. “Do we still have the canned beans?”  
  
She sees him think it through before he nods.  
  
“Good.” Chili con carne, it is. Just to be sure, though… “Genma, do you mind spicy food?”  
  
He blinks at her, slightly confused. She’s about to repeat the question when he finally answers. “No, spicy is fine.”  
  
Good. Because she’s not going to be making anything complicated and she doesn’t want pasta with tuna at the moment.  
  
The whole thing is already put together and in its way to being done in about ten minutes which is great even if the smell is too good to resist. She makes her way back to the living room and finds Kakashi engrossed in her phone and Genma watching Ariana Grande dance on the screen.   
  
Alex notes the hairstyle absentmindedly, it looks simple enough to get done and gorgeous. Maybe she’ll steal it. “Boys, food is ready in 15 minutes. Want it here or do I lay the table?”  
  
Kakashi doesn’t seem to care but Genma’s only commentary is: “I like this a lot.” He doesn’t even turn his eyes from the screen.  
  
Right. They’re eating on the couch then, it seems.  
  
Still, this is exciting. Maybe she’ll get someone to talk about makeup and clothes with. Seeing as how Kakashi couldn’t care less as long as the fabric isn’t scratchy and the makeup doesn’t smell too strongly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, sorry! I almost forgot to update! I'm going a little crazy with the amount of stuff I need to get done, I'm moving for studies the first week of may and I can't seem to get anybody to answer my mails so I can get an apartment :( got an aunt to crash with until then but it's stressing me out.  
> And to top it off, my boss's wife is going to be showing up at the office today and... well... she's an interesting person, lets leave it at that!  
> Anyway, here's the chapter! I'm already almost done with chapter 18 and I'm doing my best to have some on the backlog but I might be late during may. All thanks to the chaos my life has become.


	18. Pinstripe Calathea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Night comes sooner than they all expected. Genma ends up taking the couch, Alex gives him some pyjamas. She ignores the way Kakashi pouts in the background. Genma is his teammate, he can donate some pyjama pants for the cause. She also knows he’s not really annoyed by the fact that Genma has them. He’s just being a little territorial about how his things should smell of them and not of Genma.

He’ll survive. 

Taking off the makeup takes longer than expected. Bull is still faithfully by her side, with the addition of Genma by the door, rummaging around her makeup cabinet. He pulls something out and waves it around in her direction.

She looks at it through the mirror. “Glue for lashes.”

He stops for a second as he turns to look at her and she rolls her eyes at him. “Makes my eyes look stunning when I feel like going all out or doing a black smokey eye.”

He nods at takes that at face value. Genma returns the glue to the cabinet and continues messing around with whatever catches his fancy.

“You know, you’d look stunning with a smokey eye,” she lets him know and he blinks slowly at her, his needle still between his lips.

“I just find this interesting.” He settles with.

Fair enough.

“Why?”

He shrugs at her. “We use chakra techniques to mask our appearance when we infiltrate but the people on those videos manage it with makeup. No chakra needed. It could be very useful in a mission.”

“Hu. Practical, I guess. I could teach you if you want.”

“Please.”

And that’s that.

A part of her is actually excited about it. She likes playing with makeup and there hasn’t been anyone to really play with in that regard. It’d be nice to have someone else to glam up once in a while. 

Still… “I’m stalling,” she sighs, hanging her head.

Genma’s gaze is a mixture between concerned and amused. Bull lets her take some of his weight as he stands beside her. It’s a nice show of support and she smiles at him, petting him between his ears. Bull is way too good for them, really. 

“It’s just…” She’s rambling and she knows it but at this point she kind of needs to just throw it out there if only to hear herself say it. “This whole thing? Makes no sense whatsoever. Multiverse? Sure. Seems legit enough. Multiverse travel? A part of me thinks I’m an idiot for even considering it. Maybe I’m hallucinating or something.”

Bull licks her hand and Genma turns to give her his full attention even as he says nothing.

“But Kakashi has a nose so powerful it’s unreal, he can make jumps between trees insanely fast with an agility that seems inhuman and… The world he talks about? The things he says? It shouldn't be possible. But a part of me always thought, well… It’s an undiscovered part of the world. It’s happened before.”

Genma makes a little questioning sound and she knows he’s trying to gain more information, no matter how sympathetic he looks. 

She should be mad about that, she thinks. But for some reason, she only finds it amusing. “Before Columbus made it to America, both continents were unaware of the other’s existence. Though there’s some believe that there was commerce with Asia, I can’t really recall so I might be wrong. The point is that it was in a way to worlds coming together for the first time. I thought maybe it was something like that. I was even a little worried that it’ll end up similarly.”

Kakashi somehow makes his way inside and the little bathroom is beyond cramped. He hugs her, her back to his chest, one of his arms around her waist and the other around her throat. She turns to half-hide her face against his neck.

“Similarly?” Kakashi asks, his voice is vaguely curious.

She sighs. “War, conquest, that sort of thing. Everything you say… Konoha seems very militarised. A militaristic dictatorship... “ Alex shrugs a little helplessly, it goes without saying that diplomatic treaties are not what dictatorships are famous for.

“And if it ended up that way? What would you have done?” There’s something morbidly curious in Genma’s gaze as he peers into hers, something like a challenge too.

But isn’t that the kicker? The question she has refused to answer for herself or, at least, to acknowledge said answer. She knows, deep down, what she would have done. Alex considers simply not giving him anything but the way Kakashi tenses behind her pushes her towards a different answer. 

Damn him, really. 

Sometimes she’s scared of the power Kakashi holds over her. 

Her heart is hammering in her chest. “I don’t know,” she admits a little helplessly. She grabs a hold of Kakashi’s arm, squeezing it a little, more to distract herself than for anything else. “Depends on what Kakashi would have wanted, I guess.” She leans back, lets Kakashi take her weight. “Konoha,” she hears herself say, “Konoha doesn’t sound so bad.” 

It’s an awful thing to think about, quite honestly. But something that should be thought of carefully, even if just in case the situation arises. The way Kakashi talks about it, it’s like this Konoha lives in a state of constant war with some peace sprinkled in between every now and then. That’s not something she wants for herself, it really isn’t.

And yet…

It’s not like she doesn’t have her own plans for what she wants in her life. She has her own goals and dreams, that hasn’t changed. It’s just that somewhere down the line it became important that Kakashi be there too. She could be happy without him, she knows. It’s just that she doesn’t particularly want to give him up.

That’s really the heart of the conundrum. 

The important question is: does she need to? 

Alex has fought hard to get where she is, that much is true. The whole point, though, was to get to a point where she could be happy. Unburdened by the whole family fiasco that just wouldn’t stop bringing her down. Going with Kakashi to this other universe, this world plagued by war could compromise that, yes. But it also opens possibilities. She’s her calmest, her happiest, her most at peace with him. There’s no gain without risk. 

Her professional goals are another matter but if those years back in her home country thought her anything, it is that the endpoint is what matters. The whole journey better be flexible. As it stands, whether she goes or stays, her knowledge remains with her. She can still make use of it. She can still start her own company in Konoha, she can still get experience. It’s just a change in location.

She knows Kakashi has her back there and although he hasn’t said it outright, he’s given her the impression that his position is high enough that the government gives him some leeway. She’d have him to help her adapt, she knows the language. It’s more than she had when she moved into her first apartment and struggled to make it a home. 

It’s going to have to be good enough.

Kakashi and her, as long as they stay together… Well, she has no problem adapting the rest. If Kakashi wants to go, she’ll go with him. If he wants to stay, they’re going to have to procure him papers and some sort of education and that’s all highly illegal but she’ll see to it. She’ll risk it.

For right now, though. “Let's go to bed, Kashi.”

Genma moves to give them space. She ignores him, mostly because this has been a little bit too much. She likes him alright but she can’t deal with any more of this mess. Kakashi sighs against her neck when she squirms a little in his arms but he obediently moves so she can climb on his back.

They end up curled up together under the blankets, Bull pressed to their side and Pakkun by their heads. It’s comfy and welcome after the emotional rollercoaster of the day. They’re meant to be talking about it, trying to understand what is going on, what they want, where they stand. There’s a lot they should be discussing.

They’re a team but there’s no game plan.

Alex kind of pushes the thought away, it seems like a tomorrow problem, not a today one. As unwise as that could be. 

“I love you.” It needs to be said, as sucky as she is with any sort of emotional conversation. Kakashi needs to hear it every now and then, so she’ll deal.

There’s a kiss on the back of her neck. “Love you too”

* * *

Morning comes both far too soon and not quickly enough. She almost dreads it. Sunlight invades her room slowly and she watches her pinstripe calathea open up alongside it. It was a gift, Kakashi got her for Alex last week. He didn’t say a thing, just left her new baby on the side table for her to find.

He had been so embarrassed when she rushes to him so she could thank him. It’s a lovely plant, both because she’s beautiful and because she’s Kakashi’s gift to her. Alex likes all her plants but there are some who have their special place in her heart. The calathea is her favourite. She reaches to touch the leaf of the spider plant beside it.

“We’re taking my plants.”

“What?” Kakashi’s voice is muffled against her shoulder. It’s rare for them to be spooning but it’s not unheard of either.

“My plants. If we go, we’re taking them.”

The silence that follows that makes her a little nervous. She can feel the blush rushing to her cheeks but she ignores it as best she can, although she’s very sure that Kakashi can somehow tell she’s nervous. It’s almost relaxing, how useless it is to hide anything from him.

“Ok.”

“Good.” She turns around to look at him, Kakashi has the sleepy look going on but he’s very obviously awake. Alex raises her hand to cup his cheek. “Whether we leave or we go, Kashi… We go together, ok?”

“Yes.” He pulls her closer and she sighs against him, melting into his warmth. “Together.”

They waste time, ignoring the very real fact that there are many things they both need to get done and that there’s a guest on their couch. They just cuddle and let the hours pass by. She keeps her forehead pressed against his neck, arms on his chest. 

It’s Pakkun, of course, who forces them out of their attempts at denial. “We need a game plan.”

Kakashi sighs and she groans against him. Pakkun is great, he really is. He also has a nonsense attitude and absolutely zero reservations in using it against them. Kakashi moves until he’s pulling her under him, trapping Pakkun underneath their combined weight. The pug simply manoeuvres until he’s somewhat comfortable and then he repeats himself. “We need a game plan.”

Alex sighs but she gives up. “He’s right.”

Kakashi’s only answer is a vaguely positive hum that makes his throat vibrate. 

They lapse into silence with Pakkun under them and Bull sprawled over Kakashi’s legs. It’s nice and almost warm enough to send her back into sleep. Except that she meant what she said before. Pakkun is right, they really need a game plan. So she drags her nails up and down Kakashi’s back in a caress as she thinks things through.

What can she do? What is she willing to do? What is her end goal here? There are these questions to answer and probably about a thousand more. None of it matters without Kakashi’s answer to the most important one, though. So she goes ahead and asks: ”Is this a you problem or an us problem, Kashi?”

He sighs, even as he nuzzles the top of her head. One of his arms serving as a pillow to her and the other hugging her in place. “An us problem,” he says after a while.

“Alright,” she tosses that thought around for a little while. “Well, we don’t know our long term goals, though.” She doesn’t wait for him to answer, they both know that the statement is true. Long term is going to require some more talking and that can’t be done in one day. “Short term?”

Kakashi’s answer takes a while in coming but she doesn’t pressure him for it. Neither of them is good at expressing their thoughts, no matter how good they are reading each other. She lets him think it all on his own pace. “An us problem” it might be but it comes from his camp and so, it’s him on the wheel. 

“I’ll handle the team. You need to concentrate on learning everything you can about the seal.”

She nods, knowing that even if he can’t see it, he can feel her head moving against him. Still… “Do I reverse-engineer it?” They both know that’s what the team wants.

“No, understand it first. We’ll see about recreating it later on if it comes down to it.”

So they're going for a full-on wait and see strategy. Not the best but appropriate for the situation, there's too much that they need to figure out first, both about what they want and the situation in general for them to be able to actually make a workable strategy now. So she concentrates on what they'll need for the short term instead.

If she’s going to need to learn about sealing, she’s going to need all the information she can get on the subject. But she hardly thinks they’d brought books and everything else with them, this travel seems to have been unintentional and nobody carries those things around on a daily basis just in case.

Which means that all the information she can get is that which they already know. And that… Well, it’s insufficient. Or it might be, it could be that they know enough and all they’re lacking is the correct mindset. And yet something tells her that that’s not it. Which means, of course, that she’s going to most likely need information straight from the source.

It’s not hard to imagine which, or who, the source is. She still remembers vividly the bloodied man tied up on her living room, after all. They must have him stashed somewhere. Which is not a comforting thought, to be honest. But she’s already decided where her loyalty is going to be so she accepts the situation at best she can and moves on.

The problem is that getting information straight from the source is going to be next to impossible. Whoever the man is, Alex doubts very much that he’ll part with his knowledge willingly. And even if he did, Kakashi’s overprotectiveness is hardly conducive to a meeting. A meeting that she’s not all that eager to have. 

She doesn’t know this Fudan. She knows who he is in name and what she can remember of his appearance from a brief look, she knows what he is to Kakashi. That’s all she knows but she knows in her gut that he’s dangerous and even if she didn’t, Kakashi’s reaction to the idea of them talking is more than good enough.

And yet… It’s a fact, inevitable if she wants to fully understand the seal itself, that she’s going to need information from him sooner or later. Fudan, who stole the knowledge of a slaughtered clan. It sends shivers down her spine and still at the same time she can’t help but think: Wasn’t that the smart move to make?

You’re in the middle of a war, fighting for your life, and you get the order of eliminating a threat. That’s what it was, on a very simplified matter. He carried out his orders, as far as she knows he did nothing more. Kakashi himself isn’t without blood on his hands, she knows it. She’s been the one he wakes up with his nightmares, after all.

She’s spent nights with Kakashi under the shower, promising there’s no blood under his nails. Who is to say that Fudan isn’t the same? And taking the knowledge afterwards? It’s logical. If these Uzumaki were such a threat for it, taking it with him as he left was a good move. It’d be idiotic not to. She highly doubts that Kakashi’s Konoha wouldn’t have done the same.

And yet… Even knowing all of this, knowing full well that in Fudan’s place, Kakashi might have done the same. She herself can see the logic of it. Even then… It’s cruel and maybe more than a little unethical, but still then, she’ll go right ahead and help Kakashi. She realizes what will happen to the guy as soon as he’s no longer useful. 

Oh, she knows.

She’ll do it all the same.

Because as much as it hurts to admit, she’s not a good person. She’s not a bad one, either. She just is, good in some things and terrible in others. And Alex knows, to her core, that her loyalty is assured. She’ll stand by Kakashi in this and she’ll stand by Kakashi going forward because what they have together is what she wants and she’s selfish enough to hold on to it.

As much as she doesn’t look forward to it, if a talk or two with this Fudan is what needs to happen so that she can help Kakashi, then a talk or two she’s going to have. But she won’t fight Kakashi for it unless it becomes necessary, so she suggests something else instead. “I can make a list of questions when I have them.”

It comes a little out of the blue but she doesn’t clarify, there’s no need to. Kakashi understands what she’s trying to say well enough. He sighs and it sounds a little like he’s carrying the weight of the world, but he also nods against her head so all it does is make her smile. He’s so dramatic sometimes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter fought me a little, I feel like the ending is a little abrupt.  
> On the plus side, you get explanations, some self-confessions and cuddling. Never forget the cuddling.  
> Also, as an apology for publishing so late on the day, I'm publishing another little outtake of this series so go check it out.


	19. Konohagakure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

It’s a shitty plan, what they have. If it can be counted as a plan at all. Mostly, it’s a declaration of intent more than anything else. Or the bones of a plan, if one’s feeling generous. It’s still more than they had before, so there’s that. Positive attitude and all that. 

It’s too soon to make big plans anyway, there’s too little known and too much information that is still needed. So the whole wait and see might be better in the long run. Flexibility. It’s something she still needs to remind herself to make sure of, every now and then. After all this time, all those hard-won lessons, it should be second nature. It’s not.

But she’s learned, that much she can say proudly. There’s no longer a 20-year long plan looked at with tunnel vision, no longer an absolute sense of uncertainty and loss when things don’t end up working out that way. 

It might be a little dumb to be proud of that but she is. It took her awhile to drag herself out of her depression and rediscover who she is, where she stood and who she wanted to be. And more importantly, to acknowledge that it might change tomorrow and that is perfectly ok. 

Things happen, life can be shitty and it changes you and that’s ok. Living for everyone else, to make everyone happy might sound nice and wonderful on stories but it’s unhealthy. You can care for nobody if you’ve burned yourself out. It took her a long time to accept that deciding to put herself first might be selfish, yes, but is also healthy. She’s allowed to do that. 

And making the choice to go if it comes down to it? Yes, a little selfish too. But being selfish is something that she’s embraced and fuck it all, she deserves this. This little world Kakashi and her had made for themselves, so she’s taking it and mourning the loss of the rest with a little sadness and a little guilt and nothing else.

She left her family behind for a reason. Alex loves them still, misses them sometimes like one would miss a limb, but not once has she felt any regret at her choice. Her mom who is wonderful and to this day the one Alex loves the most but has no problem being her father’s mouthpiece no matter how many times Alex tries to distance herself.

Her sister, smart and ambitious and hers in a way Dani will never be. But also someone Alex never quite understood, never quite connected with. And then her father who Alex has long given up the hope to actually get along with. She understands he has problems but he’s toxic and she can’t move forward with his voice on her ear, telling her how wrong everything she does is. She can’t handle him.

And then there’s Dani who lies as easily as she breathes, who sees nothing wrong with taking her own pills by the dozens until she needs her stomach cleaned only to scare everyone else into compliance. “See? Poor Dani can’t handle it, you shouldn’t tell her those things, just endure the screams and the insults and the violence. She’s sick, she doesn’t know better.”

Except she does, it’s just another manipulation from countless others. And Alex still loves her, from the bottom of her heart, and yet she resents her still. After all, it’s the rest of them who end up paying the consequences of her stupidity, not Daniela herself. Last time Alex actually tried to give a fuck she ended up almost stabbed and with PTSD. Panic attacks that Daniela herself seemed to find some amusement with.

She got better, of course. Daniela always does. And then she fucked up again. And Alex found she no longer could find it in herself to care in anything but a distant way. As cruel as it sounds, let her go die on a ditch if that is what she desperately wants. Alex will mourn and rage and cry and hate herself a little but she can no longer do a thing about it. 

It almost destroyed her more than once, it’s driven her whole family to almost self-destruct. She can’t do it anymore, she won’t survive it. So she doesn’t because Daniela’s words no longer have weight and the professionals that see to her all agree that no matter how much you try to help, it’s worthless if Daniela herself doesn’t want to get better. Which she doesn’t because there’s nobody in this world that hates Daniela more than Daniela. 

And so when it comes down to it, if she has to pick within this weird carefully balanced dance she as with her family and Kakashi? Kakashi wins every single time. There’s no contest. Because she loves Kakashi and her family almost the same but it’s Kakashi she trusts to have her back and Kakashi who trusts her to have his.

So yes, she’ll feel guilty but she’ll make the same choice every time.

There’s a tight feeling in her chest at how relieved that makes her feel. Not enough to back down, though, and that’s all that is important at this point. So she pulls Kakashi closer to her, hides her face against his neck even as he kisses the underside of his jaw. The way he moves to hold her closer makes her sigh.

“This planning thing? Yeah, we suck at it.”

Kakashi chuckles, voice quiet enough to remain intimate. “Should I bring you the post-its? We can start a to do list if it makes you feel any better.”

She bites him a little, in admonishment at how he’s making fun of her and her obsession with post-its, just enough that he can feel the pressure of her teeth against his neck. He goes very still against her for a second before he kisses the top of her head. He still reaches blindly for a stack of them. How Kakashi always knows where they end up, Alex will never know. 

She snorts when he pushes a stack of purple ones into her hand, she’d thought she lost them months ago but apparently they were only misplaced. She still pushes him a little and bites back her laugh when he grumbles at her. Not that she’s going to relent this time, of course. They have a guest. “Come on, Kashi. We need breakfast.”

“I’m not cooking.”

Which is terrible, really. Though she can accept to herself that it’s more her stomach talking than anything else. Kakashi is a great cook but she’s got a good amount of talent in the kitchen as well, it’s just that she’s gotten used to Kakashi cooking in the morning and her getting lunch ready. Dinner is mostly whatever they feel like snacking on.

And yet… Well, a part of her wants to grab the opportunity for a more traditional breakfast, the kind she was used to back before she left. But on the other side? Yeah, she’s too lazy for it and as cold as it was yesterday and as much as winter sucks, the weather today seems nice enough. Might be a good idea to go out.

“We can grab some breakfast by the cafeteria?” She wonders out loud while she tries to reach Kakashi’s hoodie at the floor near the bed.

“The one where Pakkun, Bull and you disappear to?”

Alex smiles at him from over her shoulder, he’s still cuddled up to her back, one arm around her waist and the other serving as his pillow. “Yes, that one. My cafeteria.”

Kakashi snorts at her, he keeps telling her it’s not hers but she’s mostly the only client around when she decides to go. And she loves the place, it’s good enough food and the old lady who owns it is a sweetheart. It doesn’t hurt that Mrs Weber is convinced Alex needs more meat in her bones, the old lady keeps refilling her plate. It’s great.

Pakkun and Bull love it too. Pakkun because Mrs Weber has taken to always have homemade doggie treats for him and Bull loves to catch a nap in the houseplants corner. It’s a relaxing quiet place and she loves to go to this calm little corner they’ve discovered. It’s the one good thing to come out of Anko’s bad attitude at the beginning. 

“Come on, Kashi, get up before I decide against braving the winter.”

There’s a knock on the door and Alex stands up so she can figure out what poor Genma might want even as she rolls her eyes at Kakashi who is too busy to notice. He’s making himself some sort of nest under the blankets and she waits obligingly until only a couple of spikes of silver hair are visible before opening her door.

Genma looks nice, from an aesthetic point of view, all sleep rumpled hair and the soft edges of relaxation, pyjama pants hanging loosely on his hips. She might not be into men but she can still appreciate a good view. It just so happens that her hand itches to ruffle his hair too.

He casts a look around her room, keen eyes taking in who knows what from the mess she likes to pretend doesn't exist. His gaze pauses for a moment on the hidden lump of Kakashi, it’s an image that seems to entertain him and Alex finds herself feeling a mixture of amusement and irritation.

Amusement because she really should have noticed that Genma would find it in himself to snoop a little and irritation because this is a little private, their room and their mornings together. At the end neither wins out and Alex ends up simply setting both aside for the sake of food.

Because food is important, damn it.

“Morning Genma. Do you feel like going out for breakfast?”

He blinks at her, shifting his weight from one foot to the other before he gives her that little smirk of his and she can feel a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “Morning. Sure, if you can brave the cold.”

The deadpan delivery makes her laugh and she turns to Kakashi to urge him up again with a couple of touches but all she gets in response is a growl and some mumbles. She can feel Genma’s eyes on them as she slowly convinces Kakashi to leave his nest. Pakkun snickers as she passes the still hidden Kakashi his face mask but the pug ignores her questioning gaze so she shrugs and moves back to give her friend space.

It takes a little longer than they all might have wanted but sooner rather than later they’re all walking to her small cafeteria, a little piece of nature in the middle of the city. She loves the place, really. Ans Mrs Weber always indulges her when Alex starts poking around the elder’s plants. She’s even let her take some cuttings and babies. Alex has them growing on small potts under grow-lights.

Mrs Weber was nice enough to let her use her workshop, so they’re under grow lights. Kakashi has been long-suffering about her gushing but also reluctantly amused in that fond way of his. She’s looking forward to showing them to him, she has pictures of course but maybe they’ve grown some and she wants him to see them regardless.

It makes her walk with a skip to her step. She knows, by the long-suffering way that Kakashi is looking at her, that Kakashi knows well enough about her intentions. Genma just looks at them a little amused and more than a little puzzled but in good humour and really, that’s all that Alex needs from him at this point.

As soon as she spots the little cafeteria, she runs ahead. Kakashi and Genma keep up but the dogs walk calmly behind. A part of her is a little amused by that but most of her attention is diverted as soon as she ducks in. She runs her gaze around the place, identifying any changes.

There are two new plants and some have been rearranged. Alex restrains her desire to go around poking at things and instead makes looks for Mrs Weber who is nowhere in sight. She’s usually at the back anyway, so Alex shrugs off the last of her layers as she absently runs her finger along with the leaf of a snake plant and calls out: “Morgen Frau Weber! Sind Sie da?”

She quiets down, sushing Kakashi and Genma as she strains to listen and soon enough, a voice comes from the depths of the kitchen. “Fräulein! Wie gehts es dir?”

Alex smiles. Really, she adores Mrs Weber. She’s an adorable old lady. “Gut, gut! Und Ihnen?”

Kakashi and Genma are looking at her. Alex ignores them as she watches Mrs Weber with her silver hair in a bun and apron emerge from the kitchen, hands held in front of her to avoid touching anything with her flour-covered fingers. Alex steps forward anyway so that she can hug her. 

“Ah Fräulein, deine Freunde?”

It makes Alex smile wider. She has no idea from where the whole “young lady” comes from but Mrs Weber insists on calling her that way. It’s oddly endearing. Ales just nods, “ja, Frau Weber,” and the cheerfully proceeds to introduce them. Who cares about their confused faces anyway? ”Kakashi und Genma.”

Both of them seem to finally understand what is going on as Mrs Webber smiles and extends her hand. Her flour-covered hand. Alex snickers at them. Genma shakes her hand easily enough but Kakashi sends her a dour look while Mrs Weber is not looking. The cleaningness freak that he is. 

Alex just smiles and nods when Mrs Weber asks if they’re there for breakfast. She ignores their curious looks and leads them all the way to the table she usually takes. It’s in a nice sunny spot surrounded by pothos plants and a couple of Monsteras. Alex is itching to take a cutting on them but there’s really no space for a monstera back at her apartment. Maybe the photos plant.

“What language was that?” Kakashi asks. The way Genma turns to look at her as well makes her realize he’s not the only one interested in an answer.

“German,” she lets them know easily enough. 

Still, she’s planning to guide the conversation somewhere else. They’re going to be working on the whole seal thing later on and she’s not interested in talking shop while they’re out. It’s been important to her to always keep work and personal life clearly defined. No, what she’s interested in is Konoha.

She knows Kakashi and so she knows well enough that she could ask him to stay and he would. But she also knows that he’ll never forgive himself for it. Konoha bred some sort of patriotism into him that the modern world of this universe no longer does. People no longer feel like traitors simply for going to live in another country.

Kakashi’s own brand of patriotism means that he considers leaving his country some sort of betrayal. And Alex? To Alex what country she comes from isn’t what matters. She loves her home country and she loves her actual country but leaving any of them is only daunting in that it means a new beginning. Starting everything anew.

But if that is what it takes to stay together, then she’ll go through with it. With a lot of anxiety but she can absolutely make that happen. Still, it all means that she wants to know Konoha all the more. And since there’s no way that Alex can google some pictures or something, that means bombarding Kakashi and Genma with questions. 

Now, she could be subtle. She could ask some questions and try to have them reminiscence about it between them. But she doesn’t feel like trying to fool a possible friend and Kakashi and her have never been like that between them. They’re honest and blunt, it works better for them. 

So since she’s not about to break a good trend, “so… Konoha. What is it like?”

Kakashi smiles at her and she returns it, brings his hand up to her mouth so that she can kiss his knuckles. 

“Surrounded by trees,” Genma answers. His voice is as dry as the desert. 

Alex blinks a little bewildered. 

“Konoha is short from Konohagakure and that means Village hidden in the Leaves.”

Oh, that makes a little more sense. “So it’s surrounded by trees and hidden among the leaves? Like tree houses or something?”

Kakashi chuckles at that and she flicks his side. The asshole. She’s trying to make sense of it. Whatever, Genma is laughing too so maybe she said something funny.

“No,” her friend tells her. “It’s not really hidden among leaves but it’s surrounded by forest.

Which is great, in a way. But also: “That’s a little disappointing. You’re ninja, are you not? It’d be amazing if your village was actually hidden.”

“Maybe you can give us some tips.”

And damn it. She knows Genma doesn’t mean much by that. If anything, that’s an invitation with Kakashi taken in mind but it still makes something hopeful and vulnerable bloom in her chest. It makes her feel a little like maybe there’s someplace in this Konoha for her. And yes, she knows that even if there wasn’t a place, she’ll make one. 

She’s perfectly capable of carving a place for herself via pure determination and stubbornness but it feels nice to be offered one, nonetheless. So she smiles at him. She ignores the phone vibrating on the table with Sarah’s name and picture clearly displayed and leans in so that she can answer Genma instead.

“Well, I’ve got enough experience with my apartment, I guess.”

Genma’s smile turns a little mischievous. “Exactly.”

She ignores it, even if she can’t help but tense a little when Kakashi reaches out and takes her phone before leaving the table. Sarah has been calling since yesterday night. Alex knows because it woke her up in the middle of the night. Kakashi answered her then too

That she’s calling again, well it doesn’t bode well. Kakashi has said nothing about it and Alex hasn’t asked. He’ll tell her if it matters and she herself is more than a little unwilling to communicate about anything with her cheating ex-girlfriend. She should have blocked her, actually, and be done with it. But Kakashi has it well in hand for now.

She’ll block her afterwards.

Still, she can’t help the way she turns to look at Kakashi’s back as he goes. It leaves a sour taste in her mouth even as her heart speeds up. She doesn’t really know what she wants, whether she’d like Kakashi to simply turn the phone off and come back or be there for the confrontation. So she does nothing but watches him go.

What would she do anyway? She’s not even sure how the whole thing would go down. Alex only sighs and drags her hand through her hair. When she turns back to Genma, he’s looking back at her with an eyebrow carefully raised to convey his question.

All she can do is shrug at him. “That,” she lets him know, “is not going to end well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I didn't update last week. The whole week previous to moving was crazy. Things haven't totally settled down yet but I did my best to update this week anyway.


	20. Nature bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

She’s been losing weight and she knows it. Not enough to be worrisome but enough that she has noticed. Stress always does this to her but it’s alright. Whether or not they have a functioning plan notwithstanding, now they know what they’re working for. Which means her stress levels are going to get back to acceptable levels. 

Or so she keeps telling herself. 

Still, the size of the breakfast Mrs Weber puts in front of her tells her the old lady has noticed. Which is kind of surprising and slightly heartwarming. Mrs Weber is a great cook and not above playing favourites, to Alex’s delight. Kakashi eyes her breakfast with little to no subtlety before he eyes his. 

Alex ignores him. She just sighs and reaches for the orange juice. She loves orange juice with her breakfasts and Mrs Weber’s is perfect. But Mrs Weber is looking at her across the room so her hand changes destinations. She grabs a croissant and fashions herself a sandwich with some tomato and salami.

She raises her hand to display her sandwich to Mrs Weber and moves on to eat it when the old lady gestures for her to go on. There’s mirth pretty much radiating from Kakashi’s body and she ignores it even as she moves to lay her back on his side as she eats. Kakashi sneaks an arm around her waist as he pulls her closer and feeds her a blackberry. 

She hums at him in appreciation. 

Her phone has not made a reappearance and she’s not sure she wants to ask. So she lets it go for the moment and concentrates on eating. Alex hadn’t noticed just how hungry she was until she started eating. It doesn’t take long until she’s cleaning the remnants of her eggs with bread while staring sadly at her empty berry bowl.

It doesn’t stay empty much longer. Mrs Webber refills her berry bowl just as Kakashi sneakily pushes another sandwich into her plate. They exchange glances and Alex can practically see the tag-team duo being created right in front of her. By the teasing glance Genma is sending her, he knows it too. 

Not that she’s going to be complaining about it any time soon. People are more than welcome to feed her, especially people who cook as well as Mrs Webber or Kakashi. She’s not about to put on a fight. It ends up with her belly full without much work on her part, after all.

By the time they’re done eating, she’s so full she feels like she might explode but Mrs Weber is filling a bag with some sandwiches and passing them over to Kakashi. Alex ignores all of this with a twitch of her lips, pretending to be so very immersed in watching Genma finish his eggs. 

Genma simply smiles at her and she smiles back, both of them pressing their lips together to avoid laughing at the blatant mother-henning happening at their side. She absent-mindedly passes the remnants of a salami sandwich to Bull when she feels a cold nose nudging her fingers. It’s mostly a habit by now. 

Kakashi twitches and sends her a sour look but says nothing, Genma laughs. She covers her smile with Kakashi’s shoulder before she kisses his cheek. She’s in a good mood today, all relaxed and content with life. It’s nice. She’s determined to stay that way.

Kakashi only rolls his eyes at her. “You’re spoiling him.” But the reprimand is lost in the way he pushes her a little more firmly against his side and kisses the top of her hair. He rumbles a little, the vibrations travelling from his chest to her back and she melts a little against him. 

“Of course not!” She defends herself, “Bull deserves a little treat now and then.” Alex sneaks a look at him but he’s praying to the ceiling for patience and she has to bite her tongue as not to laugh at him. 

Kakashi must notice but he just sighs at her, long-suffering. 

Alex very pointedly doesn’t roll her eyes at him, she’s so nice really. Kakashi better appreciates it. Genma, on the other hand, is not nice. He’s laughing at them openly, not even trying to cover it up. Mrs Weber is just looking at them with a little confusion and open amusement. She doesn’t understand English all that well but she seems to approve of the atmosphere. 

Mrs Weber is too good for this world, she really is. Alex had found this cafeteria on the dark days of her frustration at Anko and the situation in general. She had not been in the best mindset. Mrs Weber had been a saint, just lending an ear to Alex’s rants, sometimes giving good advice and comfort food. 

It had been a godsend, back then. Alex knows she has a tendency to overstress, to let all of that get to her when the drama is unnecessary, having Mrs Weber to rant at… It had helped quite a lot. The comfort food that got pushed into her hands hadn’t hurt any either. 

Kakashi tries to move so they can leave and Alex very pointedly doesn’t move her weight off of him. She’s not done, she still wants to show him all her growing plants. Yes, she knows he is not really that into it but she also wants to start adding some foliage plants and some flowering ones to her collection. And well… It’s important to her.

The flowering ones he needs to check out at least, his nose is so sensitive so she needs to figure out whether the ones she wants are a problem for him. She’d really like some marigolds but the aroma those give out is somewhat strong so it might not be a good idea to have those on the apartment. Maybe outside on the balcony when the weather allows it. 

Still, it’s Mrs Weber’s growing room so she needs to ask for permission. “Frau Weber? Ist es ok, wenn ich Kakashi und Genma meine Pflanzen zeige?”

Mrs Weber laughs it off, “natürlich, Fräulein!” 

Really, Mrs Weber is the best. Alex shots the old lady her brightest smile even as she jumps to her feet and pulls on Kakashi’s arm to get him going. “Come on, Kashi! I’ll show you all my new plants!”

Kakashi, the ass, only sighs and drags his free hand through his hair but she ignores it. If only because he’s not putting any resistance as she very much drags him to the growing room. Genma just follows behind both of them, at leisure. Alex just smiles. She’s happy, she really is.

Mrs Weber’s growing room resembles a jungle, it’s even humid. It reminds her of the greenhouses she used to drag her sister into, her sister would laugh at her but Paola would still come with and watch her gush over all the different plants and spend all her money. 

So when Kakashi moves as if to leave, her phone on his hands, she takes it from him and turns the damn thing off. Whatever, if it’s an emergency, the people who matter know to ring Kakashi’s and Alex is not about to let Sarah ruin a perfectly nice day. She grabs his hand and drags him along.

Most of her plants are usually either food or succulents. The only decorative plants she has are a calla lily she adopted from the office and the pinstripe calathea Kakashi gifted to her. She had some marigolds for the summer but they can be used in oils and Alex mainly to attract pollinators to her other plants. Same as the lavender.

She loves the calathea, she lives close enough to a river that humidity shouldn’t be a problem at any other point of the year but winter. And as it is, the humidifier is doing its job. It’s just that… Well, she looks so lonely! And Alex just couldn’t resist looking for some companions. And well, she hadn’t been able to stop.

So now she has a rubber plant, a small mini rose bush, a marigold, one pothos plant, a peace lily, a small unknown palm, a string of hearts and a spider plant. So far. She knows herself enough to know that the collection is going to grow. Most of them are tiny, anyway. They’re in their small 2 to 3 inches pots, the bigger ones have 6 inches pots. But they’re still small enough that the whole moving thing shouldn’t be too hard. 

She really wants to take her plants with her. How big is Kakashi’s place anyway? Something to think about, she needs to ask him later. Even if it’s smaller than hers, vertical shelving is a thing. She could hang some plants too. It’s not like it would be the first time she would be cramming many plants in a small space. 

Shout out to college dorms for the experience. 

When they reach the growing room, Genma is already wandering around, stopping now and then to touch one of the plants. He stops in front of a flowered poppy, yellow and beautiful. Alex kind of wants and doesn’t at the same time. She really needs better impulse control. 

At least when it comes to plants and post its. She really doesn’t need that many, especially since Kakashi can find any stack of them she has lost. Whatever, they are not all that expensive and they make her happy and having a lot of plants that she happily propagates means that she mostly has gift giving covered. 

The way Kakashi side-eyes her tells her he knows perfectly well she’s debating adding one more plant to her not so small collection. But he just sighs and intermingles their fingers. “My apartment can handle one more plant.” 

Well, that’s one question answered. But on the other hand… “Only one?” Also, she should be asking about the light situation. 

Kakashi’s only answer is a roll of his eye, which rude, by the way. But at that point, they’ve already reached Genma and the other man distracts her by lifting the poppy’s pot in her direction. “What’s this one called?”

Alex reclines her weight on Kakashi and sends Genma a smile. “A poppy, do you like it?”

The guy shrugs even as he answers her smile. “It’s pretty,” he admits, “but that isn’t why I was asking.”

Alex makes an inquiring noise even as she reaches for the pot and then checks the rots to figure out if it needs to be transplanted. 

“It’s similar to one of the plants I use for my poisons.”

Alex blinks at that, caught a little flat-footed. Then she recovers and gives the pot back as she turns that thought around in her head. “Analgesic?”

“Yup,” Genma pops the p which is weird to look at since he hasn’t taken the needle out from between his lips. “It’s useful on the field.”

She will have to take his word for it. “I think I know which one you’re talking about. They’re the same family but this one is decorative.”

He only makes a thoughtful noise and keeps on looking at the other pots. 

Alex hums as she joins him, Kakashi always a step behind her, close enough to lean on. “Are all your poisons made out of plants?” She’s actually curious but she won’t push if he doesn’t want to answer. It seems like it might be sensitive information.

Genma turns to look at her, thoughtful. But it turns friendly after a second so Alex doesn’t mind. He reaches to touch some marigolds. “Some, not all of them. I mix different ingredients.”

That sounds interesting. She doesn’t know that much about poisons but she has always found them fascinating. She knows enough to use some of her plants for their medicinal or nutritional value, or sometimes simply because they taste good. It’s one of the factors she uses to pick them. 

It does help that most of the herbs she uses are also attractive to pollinators. Multifunctional, Alex is nothing if not a lover of efficiency. It makes her life easier. “That’s interesting,” she sends him a smile when he turns back to look at her, “most of my herbs are medicinal. Though I do like making tea out of them, I’ve got some mixes back at the apartment.”

“The lavender?”

She is not surprised that he noticed, lavender is everywhere in the apartment so she shrugs a little, “yeah, the oil is great for the migraines or to help me sleep. And I love the smell. The tea helps me out when I’m too stressed. It’s a very useful plant.”

Genma nods slowly at her and then hands her a rosemary plant. She turns it thoughtfully in her hands. She doesn’t use it much in the kitchen but she does love the smell and it might be nice to add some of its oil to her hair products. She hands it to Kakashi, who sighs but doesn’t complain so that’s good enough. 

“You might like this one,” she hands Genma a small floripondio tree. It’s small enough to be easily carried and old enough to give out some flowers. Genma turns it over, carefully touching the leaves. He nods and hands it back to her and she, in turn, gives it to Kakashi. 

“Sure, show me back at the apartment?”

“Obviously. Help me find some hanging plants? I’m thinking vertical gardening but I want some that purify the air as well, and maybe have other uses. I like multipurpose plants.”

They end up with about fifteen plants, all told. And some growing lights to install. Kakashi offers to take them back home so Alex and Genma watch him go with the boxes full of plants. But he seems happy and relieved by the results so Alex takes it as the invitation to bond with Genma that it is. 

“Subtle, isn’t he?” Genma comments, as Kakashi turns a corner and finally disappears from view. 

Alex presses her lips together in an effort not to laugh. “Yeah, well…” But since she really doesn’t have a defence, all she does is shrug. She pets Bull’s head as she spares a thought about their options and quietly remembers her to do list, visualizing it at its spot on her desk. 

Genma watches her do it. She does like him, she realizes. He’s calm and easygoing. Kakashi and her can be complete chaos if given half the chance but Genma is a little like a human version of Bull. Absolutely unflappable unless things are about to reach comic book levels of insanity. 

And perhaps even then, Alex really doesn’t know him for that long. 

She smiles at him, biting the tip of her tongue. “Any ideas?” She’s really not one to go out during winter unless it’s to friend’s apartments.

Genma smiles back, settles back a little more firmly in his spot. “Not really. I don’t know this place all that well. Show me around?”

Alex can’t help the look of surprise she sends him, “But you guys have been here at least half a year… Or didn’t you arrive at the same time? I thought you travelled together.”

He nods, not really worried. “Yes,” he touches the back of his head with one hand, a little sheepish. “But we didn’t all arrive together. It took a while until we found one another.” He moves the needle around on his mouth. It’s vaguely distracting, a part of her wants to warn him about that safety hazard but she chooses to let it go. He’s a grown man, he knows what he wants. 

She thinks it through and finally just decides to make the whole thing productive. “I need to buy some supplies and I think I might want to do some grocery shopping. Would you come with me?”

“Sure.”

And that’s how they end up in a random little shop, looking around the different options for binders and other supplies. 

“You don’t need any more post-its,” Genma tells her, a little exasperated.

“I might, though. And they make me happy.”

Genma just sighs but gives in. Which good for him but terrible for her impulse control.

She does not end up buying all the post-its that she wanted, to her wallet’s good fortune. She loves Kakashi, she really does but he’s not exactly contributing to their finances which means her own budget is rather strained. It gives her anxiety when she lets herself duel on it. 

She still has enough to make payments on her loan and for their general expenses but if they have any kind of extra expense… Well, they’d be shit out of luck and it makes her nervous. Kakashi’s job doesn’t seem to be conducive to a low-risk lifestyle. She needs to start picking up extra projects on the side. Otherwise, they can’t afford Genma and something tells Alex the rest of the team is just a matter of time. 

So projects it is. 

And she will do it, she just wants to enjoy her holiday beforehand, because once she does sleep will be a thing of the past. Who needs it anyway? And whoever says otherwise: Fake news. 

“What’s got you so worried?”

Alex blinks, startled out of her thoughts. It takes a second before she processes Genma’s question. Once she does, she feels a blush creep to her cheeks. She’s not being good company at all, getting lost in her mind as she is. “Sorry, sorry. I get inside my own head sometimes.”

But Genma brushes it off with a dismissive hand waving around. “No problem, really,” he’s not really looking at her, his gaze is firmly set in front of them, “but you can tell me, you know? I might be able to help.”

She sighs. It’s more for show than anything else, she’s both grateful and amused. And a little embarrassed, she’s not necessarily happy about explaining that she’s worried about whether or not they can pay the bills. She’d deflect but she knows Genma will know. Damn ninja super perception. “I’m just worried about money, that’s all. I’ll take some side projects. It’s fine.”

Genma sends her a thoughtful look but he doesn’t object. “If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry! It took me way too long to update. In my defence, my life has been complete chaos for a while and things just weren't working as they should. That said, I'm back!  
> I'll try to update weekly but to be honest with you guys, it's more likely that I'll update every two weeks for now on.


	21. Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!
> 
> Betaed by LittleMiniMe21  
> Thank you so very much for taking the time to look over my work, may the universe give you all the cookies.

Alex drops her technical pen back over her binder and drags her hands across her face, stifling her sigh against her wrist. She’s just… exhausted. She really is. And it’s frustrating. It feels like the answer is just out of reach, close enough that she can almost touch it. It just hasn’t dawned on her yet.

She should probably just let it go for the moment, take a break, maybe go to sleep. Except there’s no maybe about it, she should be in bed right now, wasting her time glaring at her binder is about as productive as ranting at her outstanding audience of two.

But her pride stings a little and well… Stubbornness is one of her traits.

Sealing as a whole is incredibly versatile and she loves it with a fervour that surprises her. She knows her passions well enough, it’s just that it has been a while since she has found something new. It’s not a bad surprise to have, not by a long shot. But the looming deadline on the whole thing is frustrating. 

She understands how sealing works, it’s not all that different from coding. She’s actually damn sure that she can start applying some of it. She even understands chakra now, Kakashi has explained it to her as best he could and she has his written explanation and diagrams on her binder. And if she has questions, well… There’s Genma. 

That is not the problem.

The problem is the author’s freaking sealing style. The notebook wasn’t written with the intention of giving it to anybody else and so, there was no need for the author to explain what he means or to clarify his thought process. It also doesn’t help that she’s no physicist. To make things more complicated, the seal she would need to make would be far more complicated.

It stings her pride but she has to admit that she’s nowhere near the level they need, not yet. Oh, she will be. But it will take time and her vacation is going to end soon, there will be work again, not to mention college. How much time will she be able to take for this? She’ll make some, of course. For Kakashi. But it will make things slower still.

She’s so frustrated, she could scream. She doesn’t though. Genma is asleep on a chair next to her, head pillowed between his arms. He has been a lifesaver during the entire process, encouraging while she despaired at the lack of breakthroughs and a wonderful coffee/tea boy. He deserves the rest. 

So she keeps any outburst in if only to let him sleep. Still… She’s exhausted but the answer is right there! Right there, she just needs to squint or something. She sighs again and turns her binder until she’s at the very beginning of her note-taking adventures. 

There’s something she’s missing and maybe just going over everything again will give her the answer. She hides her yawn against her the back of her arm and plays idly with her highlighter. She’s going to have to clean her notes up and maybe make some sort of summary at some point but for now, this works.

The hand on her hair startles her for a second but she relaxes back into Kakashi as soon as she recognizes him.

“Alex, when was the last time you slept?”

He has been on a bit of a tracking mission with the rest of the team, they left Genma with her as both protection and to help her with her studies. So she hasn’t seen him for at least half a week. And he has missed him so much. Alex hadn’t noticed just how used she is to have him at her side until he was gone. 

It’s harder to fall asleep without his weight on her. 

Which hasn’t been helped at all by her frustration with the sealing issue. Sleep hasn’t been easy to come by and she knows it’s just making things worse. She sends her binder a dark look, pushing it away, even as her hand sneaks around Kakashi’s leg to pull him closer. She ignores his question as she cuddles up to him.

He sighs and kisses her hair, it makes her feel content enough to hum. Her neck still hurts and there’s a tiring sort of pressure on the back of her skull but she could have fallen asleep like that, she wouldn’t have minded. Except that Kakashi pulls away, kneeling beside her as his hands frame her face.

“You’re exhausted.”

Yes, thank you, Captain Obvious. She knows. Still, she doesn’t bother to answer the stupid question, she just leans forward to drop her head against his shoulder and breathes in his scent. Oh, how she’s missed him. It hasn’t even been that long.

“Alex? Are you falling asleep?”

Which yes, that was the plan. Now if Kakashi could only let her, it’d be fantastic. Still, she’s grumpy and tired and feels like being a little shit. “Sleep? What is this sleep you speak of, mortal?”

Kakashi huffs a laugh against her skin. “Right. Off to bed with you.”

That seems like a lot of work. The couch is right there, the table is even closer. But Kakashi is pulling her into his arms and well, she guesses that’s ok. She’s a little contrary mostly on principle, anyway. “The sass. Outrageous.”

She’s asleep long before she even touches the bed, only stirring a little when she feels Kakashi changing her into more comfortable clothes for sleeping. The vague thought that she should be mad about him taking those liberties comes and then leaves almost as soon as it pops up. It’s Kakashi and she trusts him. It’s fine.

Besides they sleep pretty much tangled together every night and it has been a while since she has bothered with wearing anything other than oversized shirts for bed, at this point bothering about modesty is useless. That ship has long sailed. 

She feels him settling over her, his head on her chest, his ear against her heart. All she does is hum, settling one of her arms around his back. This is nice. 

She sleeps like the dead. 

And, surprisingly enough, Alex wakes up to Kakashi’s weight still settled on top of her. And his face centimetres above hers. All she can do is blink rapidly in surprise. “...What?” Her voice is raspy for sleep and she still feels far too tired to even think about leaving the bed.

“You weren’t even eating right.”

Kakashi grumbles above her and when he pushes her throat bare with his hand, she doesn’t fight it. The sting of the bite finishes waking her up and she hisses as she pushes on his shoulders to get him to let go. He doesn’t, the pressure of the bite increases and she stops moving.

“What?”

But there’s something in Kakashi’s gaze that is almost accusing, so she smothers a yawn behind her hand and does her best to wrestle herself into some sort of coherency. She pushes the irritation down because Kakashi is still latched onto her neck and he’s faintly trembling. So obviously they need to deal with whatever this is.

She needs to understand what is going on. “Kakashi, words please.” 

He lets go but his teeth are still very much there, like some sort of reminder. “You weren’t even eating right.”

What? She takes a couple of seconds to try and understand what he means and then resists the urge to send Pakkun a glare. Damn pug, he needs to stop tattling on her. One of these days she’s going to have her vengeance. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I got too engrossed. You know I forget sometimes.”

Kakashi grumbles some more but he seems to have accepted the apology because he licks the sting away. It’s a bit of a strange sensation but not a bad one, so she bares her throat further to give him the space to work with. And when he grumbles in contentment, she raises her hand to caress Kakashi’s unruly hair.

She sneaks one leg around his and falls back asleep to the soothing sound of Kakashi’s rumble.

The next time she wakes up, she’s mostly alone in bed except for the weight in her stomach that is either Bull’s head or Pakkun curled up. Alex stretches her arms above her head ignoring the sting in her neck and makes the conscious decision of not even looking at the clock. Who cares about normal sleeping schedules anyway? Normal is overrated. 

Once she finally deigns herself awake enough to somewhat take in her room instead of seeing just blurs, she realizes that it’s indeed Pakkun over her stomach. Bull must be somewhere else, he’s not in bed. Alex thinks it over for a couple of seconds and then shoves Pakkun off of her and right to the floor.

Serves him right for his tattle-telling. 

He wakes up with an indignant squawk and when he turns to look accusingly at her, she only smiles innocently at him. Pakkun huffs at her but she puts her ankles out of reach before he can bite them. 

She’s on to him. 

Not that they get to continue their little stare standoff. They’re interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Alex? Are you awake?” It’s sweet really, how Genma tries to be quiet enough not to wake her in the case that she’s still asleep.

She’s not, though. She opens her mouth to tell him but Pakkun beats her to it. “She is.”

He sends her a triumphant look and Alex rolls her eyes. Fine. Whatever.

“Oh! Good! Kakashi says that there’s food ready if you want it!”

Of course, she wants it. “Coming!”

Pakkun and her put their fight on hold. There’s food to be eaten.

They reach the kitchen to find Kakashi still fiddling with the stove. Bull is curled up on the couch under one of her many blankets. Alex goes straight to Kakashi, Pakkun goes to Bull. She ignores him so she can snuggle to Kakashi’s side. Her friend huffs a little but soon enough there’s a warm hand on her back and she kisses his cheek when he bends to give her access. 

“I missed you.”

He makes that rumbling sound, the one that tells her he’s pleased. And then he herds her back to the table. She sends her binder a dark look and Kakashi chuckles into her hair. “You’re doing great. You’ll get it soon enough.”

It makes her smile almost reflexively. “Yeah, I know… It’s just kicking my ass right now.”

Kakashi hums as he pushes her to her chair but he picks up all her study materials before she can do much more than reach for them. “Later Alex, eat first.”

She sighs a little exasperated but he just looks unflinchingly back and she knows he’s right anyway so she concedes the point. “Fine, fine… I think I need to take a step back anyway. I was thinking about maybe playing around with it a little instead of concentrating on the seal.”

Kakashi makes an interested sound as he puts on a cup of black tea in front of her. 

Alex very pointedly doesn’t complain about the lack of coffee. “For my pots. I figure I could, in theory, have a seal that tells me whether or not the soil needs more water.”

“That would be useful,” Kakashi acknowledges, giving her a bowl of blueberries. “It’d make it easier to water them in the morning.”

“Right? It’ll be great. Though I’m still undecided if I want it to change colours or have some other signal.”

Kakashi thinks that through for a second. “Which one is easier?”

“The colour change, there are fewer commands to add in.”

He nods as he sits beside her, “why are you unsure then?”

“Well, it would be problematic to change the colour scheme when we move. What if I want to paint a wall and the colours clash horribly? Am I meant to replace all the seals?”

Kakashi sighs, “you’re planning on filling my apartment with plants, aren’t you?”

Alex laughs at him, “yes. And you can’t stop me.”

Kakashi hums but he doesn’t say anything else. She’s awake enough to know something is wrong, there’s a jittery sort of energy around him that she recognizes from his bad nights. But she’s also very aware of the fact that Genma is somewhere in the apartment and Kakashi is far too private to have that sort of conversation with her where Genma can hear.

Genma seems to know as well because he’s made himself scarce but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s still there. So Alex concentrates on eating her breakfast and if Kakashi is a little more clingy than usual? She doesn’t mention it. It’s ok, it doesn’t bother her and she doesn’t really need both hands to eat her food. Not with Kakashi half-feeding her at least.

So she’s not at all surprised when he herds her back to their room as soon as she’s done eating. Alex lets herself be moved until she’s mostly hidden under his body but he doesn’t lower himself on top of her just yet. She reaches for him, hands caressing his sides from under the blanket.

Kakashi shudders, “I’m…” He closes his eyes and lets out a breath, “it’s going to be a bad day.”

Alex doesn’t question him, she just makes a soothing noise in the back of her throat and continues her petting. They’re different, the both of them. Where Alex needs somebody to push and pull until she finally speaks her mind, Kakashi needs to be given patience. So she waits him out, he knows by now that she’ll support him through it. 

It’s fine. They’ll deal with this.

He reaches with trembling fingers for the pulse in her throat and she obligingly stops humming so he can hear it better. He drops down, pulling her head under his chin as he settles his weight on top of her. “I thought you died.”

He doesn’t say anything else, he doesn’t need to. She hugs him to her as hard as she dares. He does the same and, admittedly, it’s a little painful. But she ignores it in favour of petting his hair and back. When it does little to calm him down, she starts murmuring again. 

She repeats variations of the same thing over and over again. It’s “I’m fine, sweetheart. I promise.” and “I love you so much.” And finally, finally, he starts breathing normally again. He’s still trembling but it’s an improvement and she will take it. It always surprises her, how much it hurts to see him in pain.

Kakashi pulls back and Alex lets him go. She lets him move but doesn’t stop her humming. She’s not sure when she started it up again.

“I need to check,” he tells her but he won’t meet her eyes.

It leaves her confused. “Kashi? I don’t understand?”

He still won’t meet her eyes and his breathing starts quickening again but before she can scramble for a way to fix it, he shakes himself. Both of his hands move to hold her still, ignoring the fact that she’s not moving. He bends over from where he’s sitting on top of her legs, his own thighs bracketing her. His forehead ends up beneath her breasts.   


“If you’re hurt… Alex, I need to check.”

That, of all things, makes her heartbeat quicken. She’s not shy and even beyond that, Kakashi and her are over that sort of boundaries. They sleep together in their bed every night. She’s seen his scars and he’s seen hers. It’s just that having what few scars she has closely investigated will make her a little uncomfortable.

And yet… 

If he needs this, she won’t deny him. A little uncomfortable it might be but she’s fine with that. So she reaches to squeeze the back of his neck reassuringly and nods even though she knows he can’t see her. “Okay.”

“Okay?” His voice is far too shaky for her liking.

“Okay.”

He gives himself a second before he nods to himself and rises again. She lets him. He kisses her forehead and she exhales shakily even as she raises to kiss his shoulder in return. She’s more nervous than she should be. Kakashi’s hands are warm on her skin as they skim the red bruise he left on her throat and she shushes him when he whines.

Alex brushes the apologies away. She’s fine with it, even as it had irritated her at the beginning. He has his instincts and she knows this. Sometimes they still surprise her but to this day he has done nothing she can’t deal with, though they have had to find ways to curve his overprotectiveness. 

It takes some petting but after a while he moves on, hands patting her sides as he listens to her heartbeat. She does her best to stay very still, her arms loosely curled around him. Her breath catches as he follows the scar on the side of one of her ribs but she breathes out heavily when he doesn’t ask. 

She’d answer but Alex has the feeling that it’s not the kind of story that Kakashi can handle right now.

He moves until he has enough space to manoeuvre and then he lifts off her oversized shirt turned pyjama until it rests higher up than the scar. The feeling of something warm and wet makes her jump but he pushes her back down, she resists the urge to squirm. It takes her longer than it should have to realize he’s trying to soothe the pain away the same way he did for his bite.

Her breathe hitches and Alex throws one arm over her eyes to try and hide the way she suddenly wants to cry. That’s just not fair. It’s sweet, it shouldn’t force her to blink away tears. Kakashi makes a distressed sound, a little whine on the back of his throat that she knows from experience makes him blush.

When he pushes himself up, she pushes him back down with a hand on the back of his neck. “I’m fine, sweetheart. I’m fine.”

But he doesn’t lower himself back down so she puts a little more pressure into it, well aware that it can’t be comfortable for him but now it matters. Now, for some reason, she really needs him to finish with the whole thing. “Go on, love. Come on.”

Maybe he can hear it in her voice but Kakashi finally listens to her. This time the feeling of his tongue on her skin doesn’t make her jump but she doesn’t lower her arm either. She lets him continue until he finishes with a little kiss on the end of her scar. It makes her smile as she feels him continuing his exploration.

She lifts her hips for him when he pulls on her sweatpants. It makes her snort. Alex’s well aware of the scene they’re painting right now, what this entire thing looks like. But Kakashi doesn’t want her like that and Alex doesn’t want him that way either. Though she’s self-aware enough to know they paint a pretty picture. 

They’re more than attractive enough.

But there’s nothing sexual about this situation. Kakashi is more instinct than anything else at this point, too close to the edge of panic to be rational. This is them soothing his instincts. It’s just that, at some point, it became soothing for her as well. 

Kakashi’s tongue leaves her ankle and she resists the urge to laugh at the way his breath tickles. That one was an accident, a stupid one too. She was late for a party with some friends and she needed to shave so she could wear a dress. Not her favourite thing to wear but all the girls decided on it, so what can you do?

It turns out that shaving too fast can lead to accidents, who knew?

The one in her upper thigh takes longer. A ridiculous cycling accident. It was some bad luck but the scar lingers, she doesn’t mind it much. It’s almost invisible and high enough on her thigh that it’s almost always covered up. The skin there is more sensitive but his growl and the pressure of his fangs is enough to keep her still. 

Once he’s done, Kakashi settles down with his head on her lap, his fingers idle tracing little figures on her thigh. But he’s breathing normally again and he seems calm so Alex waits him out. He either needs the time or he’s simply trying to figure out how to approach the situation.

It’s peaceful enough that she finds herself dozing a little. She’s not tired enough to fall asleep again, not really. No matter how exhausted she had been, Alex is pretty sure that she lost most of the day to a sleep coma. Her fingers itch to stand up and do something but she’s unwilling to leave Kakashi when he’s so obviously clingy. 

It’s not necessarily uncommon. Kakashi had been very clingy after she threw out his team and they had both been after the whole balcony fiasco. They’re both rather decidedly more physical in their attentions after bad nightmares. Or unwilling to be touched, depending on the nightmare in particular. 

But Kakashi has never been this out of sorts after a mission. 

And maybe that’s just naive of her. Kakashi is a high-ranking member of a military organization and statistically speaking, it is impossible that every mission he goes on turns out alright. But after months and months of Kakashi going out to his missions, he’s always returned fine.

Sometimes a little injured, sometimes angry and frustrated. But never so visibly shaken. And a part of Alex really wants to know if he’s injured. He doesn’t seem to be but Alex has seen Kakashi shrug off burns like they mean nothing. So that’s not at all reassuring. It’s incredibly frustrating.

Still…

It’s not the time, not really. Whatever it is that had Kakashi so shaken, it’s not happening right now or he’s handling it well enough. If she simply goes after the answers she needs, it might destroy what progress she’s made in calming him down. Kakashi is calmer right now but you don’t help somebody out of a panic and then poke at the wounds while they’re still too close to the surface.

Kakashi’s sudden decision to move snaps her out of her line of thought. He raises up and buries his face on her neck so fast she almost misses the slight blush on his cheeks. It almost surprises her, how fond that makes her feel. He’s too cute, so self-conscious about his own reactions that sometimes Alex feels like wrapping him up in blankets to hide him away.

It’s a ridiculous thought, Kakashi wouldn’t appreciate her coddling him. But it sneaks on her regardless. He’s hers and Alex sometimes wonders if he understands just how far she’d be willing to go to see him safe and happy. And yet, at the moment, all she does is let him hide his face against her neck and melt into her arms.

“I thought you died.”

It’s the second time he’s said that and she still doesn’t know where it came from so she drags her hands up and down his back but she makes sure not to react otherwise.

“It was an illusion, I know it was.” It came a little more desperate than he probably wanted it too. 

Alex doesn’t let him duel on it, she grabs for his hand and guides his fingers to her pulse. It makes her shiver, she hates the feeling. She’s never liked anybody touching her wrists for some reason but having a hold on her pulse calms him down and he’s unwilling to stop hiding against her neck. “I’m fine, Kakashi. I was just a little tired but other than that, I’m fine. I promise you.”

He breathes her in. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!  
> As you guys see, I'm going to be updating every 2 weeks now but I'll make the chapters longer for it :)


	22. Seals and counter-seals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Alex wakes up to darkness and she groans, exasperated, into Kakashi’s hair. She’s reached that point where you’ve slept so much that you’re actually tired all over again. She drags one of her hands through her hair and somewhat sloppily nudges at Kakashi until he wakes. He grumbles before kissing her cheek and obligingly moving so that she can stand. 

Poor guy, he must be exhausted for him to sleep for so long. 

She needs a shower, like yesterday. It might be winter, but Kakashi runs hot naturally and they had spent an entire day and night cuddling up together under a mountain of blankets. She’s uncomfortably warm and way too sweaty and very aware of how her hair and clothing sticks to her skin. Besides, there’s dried saliva on her skin. 

So there’s that.

Alex scrunches up her nose at the feeling and drags herself to the bathroom. It feels weird to get everything ready for a shower without Pakkun or Bull getting underfoot but she hadn’t bothered to wake any of them up. They had looked far too comfortable and Genma is still on her couch. He’s part of her security detail now, too. It should be fine.

The water on her skin feels heavenly, so she stays still under the spray for a couple of seconds before she finally decides to wash up. Alex is far too hungry to stay for longer, though she can’t seem to escape the regretful feeling once she steps out of the shower. No use in dwelling on it.

Once she steps out of the bathroom, wet hair sticking to her hands as she tries to pull it up into a bun, she realizes that Genma has woken up and he’s staring at her from her couch. His hair is a mess, but he still has that needle in his mouth and a part of her amusingly wonders whether he sleeps with it every night.

“The captain?” His voice is pitched low enough to be a whisper and Alex wonders for a second whether he knows just how good Kakashi’s hearing is.

“Fine now.” For the moment, at least. There will be nightmares in the future.

Genma’s shoulders lose some of their tension and Alex can’t help the wave of fondness that courses through her. He’s a nice guy, Genma, though maybe a little unsure of what he’s dealing with. 

“Go back to sleep,” she tells him because he still looks exhausted, “I’ll wake you up for breakfast.”

He nods and he’s out like a light before she even leaves the room.

It takes a couple of seconds of staring blankly at the fridge to finally decide what she's going to do for breakfast. She checks that they have enough bread for sandwiches and then makes some quickly, they’ll be good to snack on while breakfast gets done.

It’s winter now so the weather is nowhere near perfect for ceviche but she finally managed to make her way to the asian market. So now she’s got the ingredients and really, some ceviche with patacones and bolones? Perfect for breakfast. Even if they’re not on the beach. Nor is it sunny outside. She has been trying to do this since summer.

Procrastination. It’s a thing.

She’s even going to make the ones from her hometown, even though peruvian ceviche is just better. She’s feeling a little nostalgic. She’ll never go back, she’s happy where she is but sometimes she does miss the climate, the landscapes and the food. And the dancing, of course. She grew up there, it still sometimes feels like home. 

Besides, there’s no amazon on this continent, so no long walks through the tropical forest either. Which is a shame.

The cheeses are better, though. 

Nobody looks at her funny when she climbs up the trees around here, though. It might have something to do with her little cousins being around but eh... Semantics. And she’s happier since she moved anyway, her relationship with her family is easier when it depends all too much on her desire of answering the phone. 

The sandwiches are ready just in time to watch Genma make his sleepy way to the kitchen. He’s got one hand covering his mouth while he yawns and the other almost hugging his stomach. He’s adorable, really. She sets a plate with a sandwich and a glass with orange juice in front of him. 

“Thanks,” he mumbles.

Alex does her best to repress a smile and gives up as she watches him rub his eyes. Damn him, he’s adorable. 

“That’s for snacking, ok? Breakfast will be ready in a little while.”

She doesn’t find out what he would have answered with. Kakashi makes his grumpy way out of the bedroom and she looks at him as she cleans her hands. He’s got some sweatpants on and one of his shirts with the mask included. Genma takes a moment to look him over and Alex feels herself grow fonder.

Good.

Kakashi clinging to her as soon as he reaches her is not unexpected. What is unexpected is the hand he cards through Genma’s hair, the way his fingers linger on the other man’s head before they reach her waist. Alex takes a moment to observe Genma’s flabbergasted expression before she kisses Kakashi’s shoulder.

The interesting thing is that Alex doesn’t think that Kakashi actually noticed what he’s done. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing. If Genma’s ok with it, she’ll actively encourage it. But she thinks she understands a little more now. Kakashi has been complaining that Genma’s smell is slowly getting into everything.

It’s not like Genma has been actively trying to, though. It’s mostly inevitable since he’s been living with them for a little while. Kakashi himself insists on it since Genma is now part of her small security team. Alex herself doesn’t mind. She had been a little nervous at the beginning but Genma is nice and she’s come to like him. 

None of it changes the fact that Kakashi still hadn’t liked Genma’s smell mixing with theirs and Alex had understood it causes some discomfort. Smell is important to Kakashi, it triggers his instincts. Or so she thinks. It’s important to him that she smells like him and the other way around. The dogs are always there. Their apartment is where the pack is.

So Genma being there and including his smell into the mix, it must have been either annoying or confusing. And Kakashi has been letting himself and his instincts go around the apartment more and more lately. It’s taken some work from her part but he’s slowly being convinced to let himself go. She doesn’t mind his instincts. If anything, she thinks it’s cute.

The fact remains, however. Genma’s smell is mixing with theirs and Kakashi might be calmer today, more rested and less panicked but he’s still a little raw. A little more reliant on his instincts than he normally allows himself to be when it’s not only the two of them. And it seems to be that his instincts tell him that if Genma smells like pack, then pack he must be. 

It’s an interesting situation to think about. And an opportunity she’s loath to let go off. Because she doesn’t know Genma as Kakashi does but she can tell that he cares. He’s a bit of a mother-hen, always hovering a little around the edges of her friend. He wants to help, he wants to be there, he just doesn’t really know how to deal with Kakashi or his instincts. That’s all.

And if Genma is open to it? If Kakashi doesn’t mind? Alex is willing to help.

Genma is a little too distracted by Kakashi’s casual touches to notice her scheming. Kakashi doesn’t seem to care. He trusts her like that, it makes her feel warm inside. Cooking with Kakashi hovering around her takes longer than it should but she’s used to it by now. Kakashi hovers, it’s just how he is sometimes. 

So does she, though she’ll never admit it out loud. 

He’s taken a reluctant liking to patacones. Alex holds her stance in that it’s because they’re awesome, Kakashi says it’s more out of self-preservation. Admittedly, she does make them quite often. 

They both seem to love the ceviche, though. So Alex puts it down as a win and moves on. 

She wants to keep working on with the seal but she really needs to take a break from it. She might have worked on a couple of personal projects but then again she'd need her hands either for coding or for sealing and Kakashi is still clinging. They really can't afford for her to take an entire day off but a couple of hours should be fine. 

She’ll make it work.

First things first, though.

"Shower, Kakashi."

Her friend pouts and grumbles but soon enough he's disappearing into the bathroom because she’s right and he knows it. Alex rounds on Genma as soon as she’s sure Kakashi won’t turn back. Poor guy looks a strange mixture of happy and confused, eyes fixed on Kakashi's retreating back. It's still a good reaction and Alex will take it.

Now, there are a thousand different ways that they could have this conversation. Alex is rather good at negotiations and diplomacy when she wants to be. But this is pack business and in this, she’s made an effort in being as truthful and transparent as possible. So she’s just going to go right out and say it. 

"Genma," she waits until she has his attention before she continues. "Kakashi's instincts are a little close to the surface right now."

He nods, obviously unsure of what that means. But he’s willing to listen and that’s important.

"I need to know if you're OK with indulging them?"

The question seems to catch him by surprise. Genma looks hesitant for a second, chewing on his needle. It really can't be sanitary. "What does that mean?"

She smiles. Good. He's not saying no, he just wants to know what he's getting himself into. "He wants you close, I think that's why he kept touching you. Your smell is all over the apartment so I believe you smell like a part of the pack now. He'll mostly want to keep you close and safe and smelling like him."

It takes a little while of him thinking that over and yet Genma looks faintly puzzled but also a little smug. Which is adorable, really. "Ok."

Good. Now she just needs to let Kakashi know that it's OK. "Can you bring the blankets from the bed? I don't think the couch will fit us."

Alex wants until Genma nods to make her way into the bathroom. Kakashi is still on the shower, there's no steam because he likes cold water sometimes. Weirdo that he is. He likes cold showers and doesn’t like sweets. It’s ridiculous. He pops his head from behind the door as soon as he hears her. 

“Genma is ok with this,” she lets him know and has the pleasure of seeing him blush when he realizes what she’s talking about. Really, the both of them. So cute. Kakashi is hers and if Genma is ok with being pulled into their craziness, then he might be hers too. Later, though. One step at a time. 

Kakashi must see it on her face, though. Because he turns bright red but he also looks tentatively pleased so Alex takes that as permission to go on. She is, actually, quite pleased with herself. 

The look Kakashi sends her tells her he must see that in her face because he groans into his hands. He relents, anyway. “Put him in one of my shirts.”

She nods, kisses Kakashi’s forehead when he bends enough for her to reach and then leaves him to his shower. She’s got a shirt to find and a cuddle pile to organize. By the time Kakashi comes out of the shower, they already have a little nest of blankets and pillows on the floor and they’re in the process of finding something to watch on Netflix.

Alex ends up putting Adventure Time on the background, it’s amusing enough to be distracting if they feel like paying attention but it won’t need them to concentrate on every little moment for them to understand what is going on. Kakashi waits until they have the first episode playing before he grabs Genma and pulls him down into their makeshift nest. 

Genma tenses but lets himself be moved and Alex keeps her gaze on the TV even though she’s really not paying attention to any of it. This moment is important, either Genma will be actually fine with this and the risk would have been worth it; or Genma won’t be and she’ll have to coach Kakashi out of his shell again. 

Her heart is beating faster in her chest but she makes sure to keep herself looking calm even as she stops breathing. She really wants this to work.

But she might be worrying over nothing because Genma seems to be fine with things for now. He stays very still until Kakashi finishes cuddling up to him with his face on Genma’s neck and then he tentatively wraps one arm around Kakashi’s back and Alex can see the tension in her friend go away and she can breathe again. 

Kakashi breathes him in and then reaches an arm out for her, so she joins them. She ends up plastered to Genma’s side with her face on his other shoulder and halfway between their bodies. It’s a little weird at the beginning, they’re used to being only the both of them and Genma is a new presence they have to account for but it’s not a bad weird, so it’s ok.

Silver hair tickles the brunette’s cheek from where Kakashi has his face on the other side of Genma’s neck, one of his hands is on the back of her neck. Genma has one arm around Kakashi’s waist and the other on hers. They’re a tangle of limbs, warm and comfortable, and she ends up falling asleep to Kakashi’s content grumbles and Genma’s comforting murmurs. 

It’s nicer than she thought it would be. 

When she wakes up, she realizes that the dogs have joined them at some point. Bull is curled up around Genma’s head and Pakkun is a little ball of fur on Kakashi’s lower back. Genma is still asleep but Kakashi is awake, his hand is playing with her hair. It makes her shudder. 

She moves to stand up, she has way too much to get done to waste another day away, but Kakashi’s grip goes back to her neck and he growls a little. So she settles down with an exasperated huff. “I really need to get back to work, Kashi.”

Surprisingly, it’s not Kakashi who answers her. “Later, sleep.” Genma’s voice is petulant and thick with sleep. His hand tightens around her hip, pulling her closer. It makes Kakashi chuckle. 

Alex couldn’t resist the urge to reach up and kiss the brunette’s cheek. “Sure, sweetheart, sorry about that.” He really is too adorable. 

Genma only hums in response and Kakashi uses his free hand to trace idle patterns on the brunette’s arm. It pulls him back to sleep. She takes the time to look Kakashi over and her friend looks content if a little hesitant. It’s good, this is good. Alex might never be able to understand the whole being a ninja thing but Genma can. 

And he wants to be there for Kakashi, Alex has seen how much he cares. Alex just has to teach him a little, show him how to handle Kakashi and his instincts and insecurities. She’s sure Kakashi can teach him how to handle her. They can give this a try and with any luck, Genma will fit with them.

Kakashi’s fingers get tangled in her hair once more and they settle back down to enjoy each other’s company in silence, Genma’s soft breathing and Adventure Time as their background noise. The mood is ruined a little simply because her mind keeps straying to thoughts of everything that still needs to be done. But she pushes the anxiety to the back of her mind as best she can.

“Thank you,” Kakashi whispers after a while. Alex just smiles at him, head turning to kiss the back of his palm.

The next time she wakes up, both Kakashi and Genma are already back in the world of the living. Genma’s thumb is tracing circles on her hip and Kakashi has somehow migrated to spoon her, his head now on her neck and his hand over Genma’s chest. She takes a minute to savour the feeling and then she stretches. 

Right. Time to get shit done. She pauses to mentally catalogue all she needs to get done and put it all into some semblance of order before she moves to stand up. Kakashi grumbles in discontent and reaches for her again, attempting to keep her with them. This time, she doesn't let him. 

“Sweetheart,” Alex makes sure of keeping her voice soft and affectionate. If she shows any irritation, he’ll take it the wrong way. “I need to get work done. If you can figure out a way for me to do that while staying here, I’m game. But otherwise…”

Alex doesn’t finish the thought but it’s clear that he understands regardless, if his face is anything to go by. She moves to stand up once again but he pulls her back and Alex feels her irritation rising. She’s about to snap at him when he stands up himself, smoothly holding both of his hands up in surrender and she huffs at him.

He must notice how unamused she is by the situation somehow because he lets loose a conciliatory sort of rumble. “Let me try, alright?”

Part of her wants to refuse him simply out of pettiness but she knows it’s really her stress talking. It wouldn’t be fair to him. She drags a hand through her hair and drops back down, controlling her fall enough that her head doesn’t collide with Genma’s stomach. The brunette settles a tentative hand on her face, covering her eyes as he hums. 

It does help in relaxing her, so she makes an effort to loosen the tension in her shoulders. Once Genma is sure that she doesn’t plan on rejecting the touch, he reaches for her hand with his free one. His fingers start massaging her palm and somehow it helps with the headache that has been creeping up on her. 

When Kakashi returns, he sits cross-legged next to the two of them where they are sprawled out among the blankets. His thigh presses to her side and she hooks an arm around it but doesn’t move otherwise. Whatever it is that Genma is doing feels wonderful. She can hear the scratch of pen against paper.

The moment he’s finally done, he passes it to Genma and takes over the massage on her hand. If they don’t pass whatever it is to her after Genma looks it over, she’s going to hit them. Won’t even feel bad about it because damn it, they’re getting in the way of her productiveness and she just won’t have it. 

She refuses to be coddled. 

Her phone starts ringing somewhere in the kitchen and Alex feels like strangling someone because she recognizes the particular ringtone. Sarah. Because that’s all she needed. If she answers the phone, it would be with the clear intention of picking a fight and she’d rather not. 

It rings on. 

Kakashi moves and she holds on tighter to him. “Stay.” Her tone comes out terser than she wanted it to but she doesn’t take it back. Alex is really not above blocking the ex, she would have done it already. But Kakashi had asked her not to, so she hadn’t. Though it does irritate her. It provokes a feeling she can’t quite name.

Annoyance, certainly. Mixed with something else. Whatever it is, Alex doesn’t know but she doesn’t like it. She would appreciate it if Sarah could kindly go fuck herself or whatever lady she picked up somewhere and leave her alone. Leave Kakashi alone. It pisses her off because she knows the blonde, knows the way she hurls abuse when sufficiently frustrated.

Alex might be a little overprotective. 

Besides, what does Kakashi want with Sarah, anyway? It sits ill with her but Alex doesn’t ask. She doesn’t really want to know. 

It’s silent for about a second before the ringtone starts again.

There’s some rustling as Kakashi pulls things off his lap and then he stands. Alex can feel a flash of genuine anger rise inside her, making her feel hot and she shrugs her shoulders as she forcefully pushes it back down. Genma has gone utterly still beneath her and she takes note of it but ignores it.

When she sits up, Genma lets her go. The look she sends Kakashi has the man pulling up short. He raises his hands again, palms open in front of his chest. Alex locks her eyes on him and refuses to budge. She stares him down and says nothing, she’s not about to repeat herself. 

Normally, she wouldn’t be this pissed off about this. Her temper is hot but it passes fast, there’s a reason her friends used to call her “fosforito”, after all. She’s learned to keep it mostly under control but everything has its limits. It’s not even about Kakashi wanting to answer the call against her will. It’s just a combination of far too much, little and big, overwhelming her. 

She wants to be productive but she seems to be stuck. That’s one. Money issues is another. It keeps making her head flash to a time where money was all there was in their minds because how the fuck are they going to afford anything? And if they take the house, do they even have somewhere else to drop dead?

Then there’s the situation with work and the obviously fishy shit that is going on there. Too much thought around it, enough that it has developed in some outlandish theories. She’s going to be going back to work on Monday and the fear just won’t leave her alone. Increased security detail or no. It’s just too much. So no, it’s not about the goddamn call. 

Something in Kakashi’s posture shifts and Alex’s eyes don’t stray from his even as he slowly lowers his arms, body following until he’s crouching. The ringtone starts for the third time. Her lips tighten and Kakashi slowly moves his head until his throat is bare. She reaches for him, hand on the back of his neck, and pulls him until he’s sitting beside her.

Wordlessly, she waits until he curls up beside her, his head pressed against her hip and she keeps her hand on his nape, thumb idly pressing against his pulse. Genma moves and sprawls on her other side, hand holding onto her ankle. Alex takes a deep breath, making sure to keep her temper reigned in.

Once she’s sure she’s as calm and as under control as she’s going to get, she takes the paper both Genma and Kakashi had been working on and starts studying the seal sketched on it, pointedly ignoring the sound of her phone still blowing up in the kitchen. The sound irritates her but all she does is put on some background music video on YouTube.

It takes a little longer than it usually does but soon enough she’s immersed in her work. She loses herself into it, analysing the by now familiar matrices and other components in the seal. It’s the same coding language that she’s been studying for the other seal but this one is comparatively easy. 

There are some things she doesn’t understand but frustration fails to raise. It’s a different sort of difficulty, on the other seal she can fully grasp the coding. In this case, she has been able to understand the entirety of the code. It’s a simple matter of correctly interpreting what it shows her. Nothing else. 

Medicine and human anatomy are things she’s not all that familiar with, though. In this case, her difficulty understanding has more to do with lack of context than with the coding and that is enough change that it doesn’t resurrect her irritation. It’s fine, though. A challenge and she loves it. 

Genma and her have been working long hours together for days now, so falling into this little routine is an automatic thing. She makes her notes, adding in her observations, questions and suggestions on post-its. Once she’s done with a page she leaves it on a pile at her side and Genma takes over that part.

When he’s done with that page, he leaves it by her markers and she takes it back once she’s done writing a new one. Alex goes over his answers first, adding in that context and looking over the seal and her notes once more. It helps her understand better. It’s an interesting seal, a curious thing. If one ignores the implications. 

Sealing is interesting. It’s adaptable and efficient and Alex loves it. It’s a wonderful tool but like any tool, it can be dangerous if used with malicious intent. The adaptability of it makes it especially dangerous, she thinks. What had Kakashi said? An illusion. Her pen stills for a second on the paper as she realizes what that could mean.

Fuck that, really. 

Illusions, Alex knows, are something shinobi use. Kakashi has told her about them, mostly in good humour while telling her about somebody named Gai who is apparently the definition of over-enthusiasm and fashion disaster. Kakashi cares for him and Alex finds the guy hilarious. 

She should have known, of course, that they would be used on the battle-field as well. This seal is an amplification of it. When triggered, it creates a minor illusion. Like a suggestion, a way to nudge the mind in the right direction. Right after that, it forcefully causes the same symptoms that provoke hallucinations. Or that’s what Genma notes. 

The way Alex sees it, it’s simple and effective. Well-made and interesting but awful nonetheless. If the shinobi thinks he or she is under an illusion and when they try to release it nothing changes… It would add to the panic and that, in turn, will feed into the unpleasantness of the hallucination. 

Not like the illusions that Genma or Kakashi have mentioned to her, no way to control what the victim will see. But still effective. Still damaging. She notes her findings in post-its of a different colour and lets the paper down on her pile of completed pages even as she turns to pick another of the pile Genma has left for her. 

Time continues to pass and they keep on working and she’s fully concentrated in her work. She has a vague recollection of Kakashi trying to move but she had tightened her hand on his nape and he had settled back down so she hadn’t thought more of it. By the point, they are sure both that they’re right and that they fully understand the seal, hours have gone by. 

Taking in the last paper on Genma’s viewed and revised pile, Alex checks it over quickly and adds in a small post-it with a simple question: ‘counter-seal?’.

Both because she’s pretty sure that she can manage and because she’s one overprotective ass. The idea of simply explaining the seal without providing Kakashi with a solution when she could have one sits wrong with her. She remembers the shaking and the ‘I thought you died’ well enough to want retribution. 

When she finally resurfaces from the deep waters of sealing, Alex stretches as best she can without disturbing all the clutter around her or Kakashi from where he’s still beside her, held in place by her hand. He tries to move again. This time she lets him and ends up with his head on her lap as he pouts up at her.

Alex rolls her eyes but smiles down at him anyway, bringing his knuckles to her lips so she can kiss them as they both wait for Genma to surface as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this one took me so long. It was just kicking my ass. Plus TI9 was happening over the weekend and it might have consumed me. 
> 
> Is this too long? I think I like this length, I feel like the plot actually advances in the chapter. The previous ones felt too slow for me. Might make it a little longer, though.


End file.
